


Don't you let me go

by Wolkje25



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-04-17 09:46:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4662063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolkje25/pseuds/Wolkje25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert saves Adam from the fire at the Scrapyard, but it goes wrong and causes Robert to go temporary blind. Aaron helps him cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story starts after the episode on the fourth of august. This is my version of events.

It was dark. Pitch black. It was surreal and terrifying at the same time. There was no light, not even a flicker. He blinked his eyes, but everything stayed dark. No colors invaded his world. He felt the panic rise in his chest, his hands clenched the soft material of the sheets he was lying under. His breathing became shallow. He moved one hand to his face, only to discover his eyes were blindfolded. His breathing accelerated as the panic tightened his throat. The frightening moments of being tight up in the back of Cain’s car came back to him. The darkness, the all-consuming fear, the helplessness. He sat up from the place he had been lying and he immediately started to feel dizzy. He had to lean on the palms of his hands, so he wouldn’t fall back down. He felt a matrass underneath his hands so he knew he had to be lying on a bed. 

Suddenly an alarm started bleeping and his heartbeat went to the roof. He felt something dripping down his hand and he moved to get out of bed, completely disorientated and frightened by the alarm, which was still ringing in his ears. That’s when he noticed there was something attached to his chest, which only made him freak out even more. He got out of bed, but almost fell down on the ground. He could just catch himself with his hands. He tried to stand up again, but he could feel the energy leaving his body and he wondered how long he had been lying in this bed. 

At that moment he heard two pair of footsteps coming his way. He felt the close presence of two persons next to him. A hand was laid down on his shoulder. He wanted to shake it off immediately, but stopped when he heard a calm and friendly voice somewhere above him. 

“Sir, we need you to calm down. You’re at the hospital. You were in an accident.”

He stopped fidgeting the moment he heard the word hospital. He let himself be pulled back on the bed again, his mind occupied with memories of a large fire, an explosion, smoke everywhere. He had to grab the side of the bed with his hands, just to stop himself from having another panic attack. Instead he tried to focus on the voice which was still speaking. “I’m Lisa, you’re nurse for tonight. My colleague is with me too.” He heard a second voice on the other side of him. “Hi, I’m Monica.” He just nodded and pulled himself upright on the bed, sitting back in the pillows, his legs on the bed. One of the nurses, presumably Lisa, grazed with her hand over his left hand, which made him jump a little, as he just noticed the pain in his hand. 

Lisa said: “You pulled out your IV. We’re gonna put one in your other hand, alright? It might sting a little, but you need one for now. Just tell us when it hurts. In the meantime Monica is going to get some stuff so we can bandage you’re hand.”

He just nodded his head, still trying to keep his breathing under control. He took a large breath of air, which caused him to cough loudly. He felt his lungs burning and a sharp pain in his throat. 

“What happened?” he asked, his voice hoarse and raw, like he hadn’t used it in ages. He coughed lightly. His throat felt dry and using his voice hurt: “Why can’t I see anything?” 

“There has been an explosion in your village. We don’t know the details yet. From what I heard, it is one big chaos.”

It didn’t go unnoticed by Robert she didn’t answer his last question. But suddenly another thought crossed his mind. His heart pounded in his ears and his blood ran cold. He had to swallow something away before he could speak again: “Did anybody die?”

“We don’t know yet.” He felt a hand on his lower arm. “I need you to focus on your own recovery right now sir.”

He nodded but his mind wandered off to the people in the village and one person in particular. He hoped he was alright. 

“Do you have any family I can call for you, sir?” 

He had to swallow again, realizing that Vic, Andy and Diane were still there, that anything could have happened to them. His relationship with them had seriously cooled when the affair had come out, but he still cared for them, for all of them. He had no one else. If anything had happened to them, he was on his own. 

He slumped back down against his pillows as he said, not really knowing were the words were coming from or why he would say them at all: “We’re not really on speaking terms at the moment.”

“Ah,” was all the nurse said, but he could hear it in her voice, the pity. He cringed inwardly. He hated it. He hated it when people pitied him, but he didn’t say anything. There was no point. 

“Well then, the doctor will be here as soon as he can. He will be able to answer the questions you might be having at the moment.”

“What happened to my eyes?” He asked again, not listening to a word the nurse had just said. He felt a sting in his right hand and he remembered she had to put in a new IV.

“You needed surgery. That’s all I can say right now. You’ll have to wait for the doctor.” 

Robert heard something in her voice that didn’t make him any calmer. He knew that something was terribly wrong. 

xXx

Aaron walked through the hospital in a fast pace, his body still high on adrenaline and the shock of what had happened at Debbie’s and Pete’s wedding. He just came back from his mother. She was going to be alright. She had been in surgery for an hour or so and she was now in recovery, but she would be fine. 

Paddy was with her now. He wouldn’t have left her if he hadn’t known Paddy would be there to watch over her. But he needed to know how he was doing. He needed to know if he was alright. 

Aaron stood still by the doorway and looked into the room. Vic was there, holding his hand. She looked up at him when she heard him clearing his throat and a small, sad smile crossed her face. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” she said in a soft voice. Aaron let go of the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He entered the room and looked at the hospital bed. 

Adam looked like he was fast asleep. His face was scratched, probably from slinging metal from the explosion, but as far as he could tell there wasn’t anything seriously damaged. His eyes were pulled away from Adam’s face when Moira entered the room. She smiled weakly at him as she walked past him and handed Victoria a cup of coffee. Aaron felt a hand come down to rest on his shoulder and looked down at her as she asked: “How’s Chas?”

Aaron put his hands in his pocket, clearing his throat before he answered: “She’s gonna be fine. She just had surgery. Paddy is with her now.”

“Good,” Moira said. She sat herself down next to Adam’s bed, reaching out her hand to hold her son’s hand in her own. 

“How’s he doing?” Aaron asked, his throat bone dry. He still had a hard time processing what had happened. 

“He is fine. He has been very lucky. Just a few scratches here and there, he inhaled a lot of smoke. The doctors want to keep him here for observation, just to make sure there isn’t any severe damages on his lungs.”

Aaron just nodded his head, not really sure what he should say. 

“Any news about the others?” Vic asked. She looked tired, her eyes were red and her hands were shaking lightly. 

Moira shook her head lightly. “I spoke to Cain, but it’s a complete mess out there. Nobody knows anything yet.”

Victoria nodded her head lightly, before she said in a trembling voice: “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Aaron’s muscles tightened when he thought back at the terrifying moment when the helicopter came crashing down, all the screams, the crying, the dust, the blood. He still couldn’t believe it actually happened. 

His attention was snapped back to the conversation when he heard a familiar name, which made his heart pound faster against his chest, faster than it should, hearing that name. 

“-be glad that Robert saved him. Let’s focus on that, sha-“

“Whatya mean, Robert saved him?” Aaron interrupted, his eyes wavering quickly between Moira and Victoria. They both looked up at him, as if they had forgotten he was even there.

Vic was the one who answered him. “Robert was the one who saw Adam in his car, he was the one who got him out before everything exploded.”

“How’d you know this?” Aaron asked. He knew his breathing was way too fast, but right know he didn’t really care.

“Adam has been awake for a while, he had just fallen asleep before you entered.”

“And I still would be if you guys wouldn’t talk so loud.”

They all looked at the bed and Adam looked at them through half closed eyes. 

Aaron smiled, relieve rushing through him. “Hiya mate, had me worried there for a moment.”

“No need, I’m as fresh as sunshine.” He wasn’t even done saying that when he got caught up in a couching fit. 

“Yeah, you sound great mate,” Aaron teased, but his heart squeezed tight for concern for his friend. 

“Oi, if it wasn’t for your lover boy, I may not be lying here at all,” Adam replied. 

“Don’t say that,” Moira said, slapping Adam’s hand lightly.

“Oi, that flipping hurt,” Adam said, quasi indignantly, but his voice turned serious as he continued: “But it’s the truth. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

Aaron tried to process Adam’s words. The image Adam was giving from Robert wasn’t fitting with the picture Aaron had been building in his mind of him lately. The cold- hearted, selfish man, who never thought about anything but himself. He could feel the walls he had started to build up so carefully in the past few weeks, crack. He struggled to keep his voice from trembling when he asked: “So what happened?” 

“Beats me mate. First I was sleeping, the next thing I know, there was a fire all around me and I’d been dragged out of the car by Robert and thrown through the air by an explosion. That’s all I know.”

Aaron nodded after his words, biting his lower lip. A question was burning on his lips, a question, he shouldn’t, but really wanted to ask. He put his hands deeper in his pocket, taking a deep breath before he asked: “So how’s he doing?”

He looked at the faces in front of him, Moira looking down at her coffee, Adam looking expectantly at his wife and Victoria looking down at her hands, her cheeks turning slightly red. “I haven’t seen him yet,” she confessed silently. 

“You, what?” Aaron said, feeling like she had to be joking or that he’d heard her wrong. 

He could see her swallow uncomfortably. “I didn’t want to leave Adam when he was brought in and when he fell asleep, I just wanted to wait until Moira came back.” Aaron could only stare at her, not moving an inch. 

“But he is alright, isn’t he?” A cold hand closed around his heart as he looked at Victoria. He saw the tears in her eyes and the worry grew in his chest.

“Vic?” was all he could say, his voice trembling. His own eyes started to water as well. He blinked the tears away, he didn’t want to cry over that man, not again. But he couldn’t ignore the crippling cold freezing of his insides as Victoria bit her lower lip. 

Victoria shook her head, unable to speak. Aaron felt like someone stomped him in the stomach, his body frozen on the place he was standing. 

“They brought him in, at the same time as Adam. Chrissie was with them too,” Moira said.

“Yeah, she brought us to the hospital. I’m sorry mate, but it didn’t look good,” Adam continued, his voice full of worry and concern for his friend. 

Aaron had the feeling he was going to throw up. He just nodded his head. He had to grip the railing of the bed, the room spinning around him. 

His eyes wavered back to Victoria. Presumably she could read the disbelieve on his face, because she turned slightly red before she stammered: “He’s been in surgery, that’s the last thing they told me. I will go and see him. Of course I will, I care about him, he’s my brother.”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing that.” His voice sounded raw and hoarse. He didn’t know why he was snapping at her, maybe it was the exhausting of the day, everything that happened, maybe it had something to do with his mother or with Robert. Or maybe it was everything happening at the same time. Maybe it was all a bit too much.

Vic’s words were slightly heated when she spoke: “If you’re so concerned why don’t you go and check on him?” 

His heart almost crumbled, when she said that. She had no idea, no idea what had been going through his mind, the moment he had heard Robert had saved his best mate’s life. 

And the worst thing was that a part of him wanted to, really wanted to see Robert. But a big part of him didn’t know what he would see, or worse, do, when he would see Robert now. He didn’t trust himself in Robert’s presence, didn’t know if he ever would.

“Sorry, but I should go back to my mom, wanna be there when she wakes up.” He knew it was a sad excuse and Victoria frowned her forehead at his words, but before she could say anything, Moira already spoke up. 

“Yeah course,” she said. “Give her our best wishes.”

Aaron nodded and turned around, leaving the room. His head was one big mess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the kudos and comments! They made my day! Here's chapter 2, Enjoy!

His sister had visited him twice in the last three days. She had told him about what had happened in the village. She had held his hand, cried at his side and thanked him for saving her husband’s life. She had been there the second time the doctor came to see him and had asked the man what was wrong with him.

Robert hadn’t been able to tell her, the first time she had visited him, couldn’t get the words over his lips. But she had asked the doctor and he had told her, which had only resulted in her crying even more. 

He was blind. Temporarily. 

At least that was what the doctors were hoping for. That’s what they had told him. But he didn’t trust them, didn’t trust anybody. 

How could he, when he couldn’t even trust himself? He was helpless, that’s what he had found out in the last three days. He needed help with everything. He couldn’t walk on his own, shower or eat on his own. It made him feel completely useless. He had always relied on himself, he could always fall back on himself, even when he had nothing or no one. But now he couldn’t do anything on his own anymore. It made him feel small, it made him feel frustrated, mad, lost and totally alone. 

He had never trusted anybody in his life, not completely. He never gave all of himself, couldn’t. He had been let down one too many times in his life. He didn’t know how to trust because he had lived so long without it. 

But now, right now, he had to trust complete strangers. 

And he couldn’t, just couldn’t. He would rather lie all day in this hospital bed, his hair ruffled, unshaved, the same clothes on, than let the nurses guide him so he could shower or stretch his legs. He would rather struggle with his food and only eat a quarter of it, than let the nurses sit next to him and help him eat. 

He felt helpless. He felt weak. And he hated that feeling with every fiber of his being. 

The only person who he had ever trusted in his life, hadn’t come by to see him. Vic had told him, he had come by to see Adam and she had told him what happened to Chas and Debbie. But nothing else, nothing that would indicate he still cared about him, not even a shimmer of hope he was maybe a little worried about him. 

He hadn’t asked about him. He had asked Victoria about Diane, Val, Andy, about Adam. He had heard Vic cry about them, had tried to comfort her. But he hadn’t asked about him. He wanted to, really wanted to, but something always stopped him from forming the words. As if he had no right, no right at all to ask about him, to know anything about him. The thought about him, only made him feel even more alone than he already did. 

He reached out his hand for the glass of water one of the nurses had brought to him this morning. He almost knocked it over, when the back of his hand moved against it, before his hand closed around it. 

His lungs were healing again, breathing didn’t hurt as much as it had done when he had woken up. The doctors told him he could go home if he wanted to. There was nothing to keep him here. Vic had invited him to come and stay at hers, but he didn’t want to. He knew Adam would be there and the last thing he wanted was to put any more pressure on his sister. She had too much on her mind already. 

So he didn’t really know what he had to do now. The only option he had was to stay here, but he wasn’t even sure that was even an option. He didn’t know what else to do. Nobody else had come to see him. 

He didn’t really have any friends and after the affair was revealed, not really a family either. But when nobody, except from his sister came to visit him, it became painfully clear to him that he had no one. 

He had heard from Vic that Chrissie had brought him and Adam to the hospital, but that she hadn’t seen her since. Diane was injured and was also in hospital while her sister Val had died. 

Robert sighed, moving his free hand through his unwashed and uncombed hair. He moved to put the glass back down on the ridable table in front of him and knocked the glass against the plate of his unfinished breakfast. He could hear some of the water splash over the brim of the glass onto the plate. He cursed in silence and felt the well- known frustration grow in his chest. He put the glass down, a little harder than intended and wiped his wet hand dry on his sheet. 

They had changed the bandages around his eyes this morning. He had been a little fearful, but also full hope that he could see. That he still had his sight, that the doctors had been wrong. 

But they hadn’t been. When they had removed the bandages, all he could see was darkness. It had stayed just as black. Even when he had blinked with his eyes rapidly, nothing had changed. At that moment it had dawned on him that he was indeed blind. All hope had left his body and he had felt so lost. Because how could he ever live his life again if he couldn’t see a thing?

He laid back down against his pillows with a frustrating growl. He started to kick his blankets away in pure agitation until he started to realize, if he did that it would be unbelievable difficult to find them back, which only made him more worked up. He slammed with his fists against the matrass, before he pulled his blankets back up. That’s when he heard the door of his room open. 

“Good morning Mr. Sugden. How are you feeling today?” He recognized the voice of Monica, one of the nurses who had been with him the day he had woken up. Because he’d lost his sight, he had learned to rely on his other senses more. That was the only good thing that had come from this. 

“Fine,” He grumbled, curtly, not really feeling like talking. He wondered if this would be his life from now on, day in, day out. He sighed desperately. He hoped not. He would go mad, he would seriously go insane. 

“You didn’t eat a lot from your breakfast this morning sir,” There was a slight reprimand in her voice, but he could still hear the warmth in her tone. 

“Wasn’t very hungry,” he answered, not really lying, but not telling her the truth either. 

“You really need to eat more sir. You never get out of here if we don’t get your strength up.”

“What’s it to you?” he snapped. He knew he really shouldn’t get mad, but he was so sick of those people telling him what he could and couldn’t do. 

“You are under my care. The health of the people I care for are important to me.”

Robert slumped back against his pillows, all the energy leaving his body. “Fine, what do you want me to do then?”

“I could help you with your lunch.” Robert could hear the slight hesitation in her voice, like she was almost afraid he would yell at her again. It almost made him feel ashamed of himself. He told himself she was only trying to do her job, so he shouldn’t lash out at her like that. 

He inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. “Just you. You understand? Just you.”

“Very well.” Robert could almost hear the smile in her voice. “I shall take this with me then, shall I?”

He heard her collecting the remains of his breakfast and her footsteps walking away from him, but stopping in the middle of the room. “Oh Mister Sugden, you’ve got a visitor I see.”

Robert moved slightly upwards as Monica kept on talking: “You can go in. I’m done for now. I’ll see you at lunch Mister Sugden.” He heard the door closing, indicating that she had left the room. 

“Hi Vic. Sorry about that, I’m not in the best of moods. How are you?” He said, sitting up straight. He plastered a smile on his face, waiting for Vic to say something, but he heard nothing. He moved his head, trying to register any kind of sound and he could swear he could hear somebody breathing. 

“Vic?” He said, hesitatingly. 

“It’s me.”

He could swear his heart stopped working for a moment, before it started pounding frantically against his chest. It felt like his whole body was suddenly made out of flaming hot liquids. He wasn’t able to move, let alone breath and his world seemed to slow down, before it came crashing back down at him. 

He couldn’t be here. He just couldn’t. He had tried to kill him, shot his surrogate father. He had pointed a gun at him. His mind was playing tricks with him, wanting to hear him so much, that it was projecting his voice. But something, far away in his mind, told him it was real, that he wasn’t imaging it. 

That little voice was the only reason why he spoke, it was the only reason why he said his name.

“Aaron?”

It came out as a question, a hesitated question. He could hear the trembling in his own voice, feel the tightness in his throat. 

“Yeah. It’s me.”

That was all the reassurance his mind needed. His heart stammered. His hands started to tremble lightly, his chest tightened and his skin burned up as if he was having a fever. 

He would do anything if he could just look at him now, just to glance at him one more time. The realization that he couldn’t felt like ice cold water drowning his veins. His hands clenched around the edges of the matrass. 

“What are you doing here?” His voice still sounded tight, too tight. But he couldn’t help it. He was surprised, totally surprised by Aaron’s sudden appearance and he had no clue how to react.

“Vic told me what happened. I came to see for myself.”

Something in Aaron’s words just rubbed him the wrong way. So he reacted the only way he knew, he lashed out, like a wounded animal: “So you came here to gloat.”

He regretted it, he regretted it the moment the words left his lips. He didn’t want to scare Aaron off, didn’t want him to leave, but that’s exactly what he was doing. If he only could take it back. 

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I came.” Robert could hear the anger in Aaron’s voice, the disbelieve, the hurt, but also something else, something Robert couldn’t really explain. But before he could say anything, Aaron continued: “This was a mistake.”

He could hear a heavy sigh, footsteps moving and the opening of a door. Before Robert knew what he was doing, before he could stop himself, he was calling after him, begging him. And Robert Sugden never begged.

“Aaron, wait. Please. Just wait. I don’t… Please, just… stay.” The words seemed to wash out of him like a water fall. He had no way of stopping the words falling from his lips. 

He didn’t hear any movement so he knew Aaron had already left the room. 

His hands grabbed his matrass even tighter, so it physically hurt. He could feel the pain in his chest and he had to swallow hard to stop the tears forming in his eyes. 

He suddenly heard a movement, a footstep and then another one and another. His heart seemed to come back to life at the sound and he released the matrass from his death grip. He heard Aaron’s voice, a bit closer than it was before: “So it’s true.”

Robert had to take a deep breath before he could answer, to stop his body from shaking, to calm the beating of his heart. “Yeah, looks like it,” was all that Robert could say, still thinking that if he didn’t say it out loud, it wasn’t true. 

“I couldn’t really believe it, when Vic told me,” Aaron’s voice came closer as he spoke. “So… how are ya?”

Robert could hear the tension in Aaron’s voice, the slight hesitation. It made Robert’s annoyance and frustration decrease and all that was left was hurt and sadness. It made him want to be honest.

He moved his head and if he had been able to see, he would be looking down at his hands now. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling or how I’m doing. I’ve got all those people telling me what I need, what I should do. What to eat, when to shower, when to get out of bed, when to sleep. I am completely depending on people I don’t know, people I have never seen the face of. I have no idea where I am, how this room looks. I’m disorientated when I only turn around, let alone walk on my own. I can’t do anything alone and it frustrates the hell out of me. And all the while I only have my sister as company, who has too much on her mind already.”

Robert took a deep breath, wanting to continue, but suddenly not knowing what he wanted to say, realizing he, maybe, said to much already. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not like you care,” Robert grumbled.

“I don’t,” Aaron answered a tiny bit too fast, but it felt like Robert’s heart broke all over again and his face fell. He heard a sigh and the scraping of a chair, before he heard Aaron’s voice again, his voice not more than a whisper: “I shouldn’t.” 

He felt a lurch at his heart after Aaron’s words. He could feel a smile creeping on his face, but he tried to suppress it. He knew he wasn’t in a position to smile because of Aaron’s admission. Still he couldn’t stop the warmth spreading through his body. 

Aaron started to speak again: “Look, the only reason I’m here is because Vic asked me to.” Robert could feel his stomach drop and he clenched the fabric of the sheets in his hands. His heart seemed to sink into quicksand. “Right.” He moved restlessly, still not sure what he should make of Aaron’s words or appearance. 

“She told me you said no when she asked you to stay with her,” Aaron continued. 

Robert only nodded.

He heard Aaron sigh and move in his chair before he talked on: “Look, I promised Vic I would ask you. It’s an one time offer, if you say no, it’s done. I’m only doing this because Vic is desperate and had no one else to turn to.”

Robert frowned his forehead, trying to figure out where the hell Aaron was going with this. “What are you talking about?”

“You can stay with me, if you want. Just until we find you someplace else.”

Robert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A surprising laugh left his mouth while he said: “You what?”

When Aaron spoke again, he heard the slight annoyance in his voice. “Just to make something very clear, I don’t want you there. I don’t want you anywhere near me. But Vic was desperate and I promised her. I wanted to help her because she’s a mate. That’s all this is. Are we clear?” 

Robert’s chest tightened in agony, Aaron’s words hurt him more than he was willing to admit. He had to swallow, before he could even get one word over his lips. “Yeah.”

“So I assume that’s a yes.” Somehow Aaron’s voice suddenly sounded tired. 

Robert moved his hand over his sheets, not really knowing what he should make from this whole situation. But he didn’t really have a choice. Didn’t really have any other option. “Yeah,” he swallowed, before he added: “Thank you.”

“You can thank your sister. I don’t want your thanks.” Robert had a big lump in his throat. Aaron’s harsh words pressed down on his chest, on his lungs, making it harder for him to breath. It left a dull ache in his heart. 

He heard the scraping of a chair again and he figured Aaron should have gotten up from it. “I’m gonna find a nurse to get you discharged.”

“Wait,” Robert called out, his hand reaching out to physically stop Aaron from walking away, but the only thing he felt was air, emptiness. He pulled his hand back at once, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“What?” Aaron’s voice came from further away than Robert had expected, which only made Robert even more embarrassed because of what he had just done. 

“What about Chas?” Robert asked hesitantly.

“What about her?” He heard the already accusing tone in Aaron’s voice, as if he already knew what he wanted to say. It made Robert realize that Chas had been hospitalized too and suddenly he wondered what Aaron must have gone through these last couple of days. So instead of what he wanted to say, he just asked:

“How is she? Is she okay?”

“She’s still in the hospital, her leg has been crushed. She will be discharged in a few days,” Aaron fell silent for a moment before he continued: “She will stay at Paddy’s when she gets discharged. Easier access there in a wheelchair. That’s what you wanted to know, isn’t it.” It wasn’t even a question, just a statement. 

Aaron left the room before Robert had even the change to answer. 

xXx

Aaron had no idea what he was doing, no idea at all. He had thought he hated Robert, for everything he’d done to him, to Paddy, to Katie. And he told himself he shouldn’t forget that and certainly shouldn’t forgive him. But he was struggling right now to keep that promise to himself. Because all he could see right now, was the Robert he had seen when he had entered that hospital room. A helpless man, a scared little boy. His heart had ached at the sight. His chest had tightened the moment he realized it was true, Robert wasn’t able to see anything. 

It had reminded him so much of Jackson, seeing Robert lying in that hospital bed, that he’d almost turned around and ran away. The feelings that had tightened his chest, his throat, his heart, had almost been too much to handle. It had taken all his will power to stay where he was. 

He took a deep breath and walked towards one of the nurses. He talked to her and she told him to wait, so she could get the doctor to sign the discharge papers. He nodded and sat himself down on one of the plastic chairs. 

He had promised Vic he would take care of him. He wouldn’t be here otherwise. But he had seen the desperation and tiredness in her eyes, the bags underneath it. She had too much on her plate already, with Adam, Diane falling to pieces, keeping the pub open and running now that his mom and Diane weren’t able to. He rested his elbows on his knees and moved his hands over his face, trying to wipe away the tiredness he was feeling. 

A nurse sat down next to him and he realized it was the nurse who had been in Robert’s room when he had entered. She introduced herself as Monica and asked him if it was true Robert would stay with him. He admitted he would. 

She smiled at him and said: “He’s quite a handful. But that’s quite normal, considering what he has to deal with. It’s not going to get any easier when he gets home. I hope you understand that?”

Aaron just nodded his head, meanwhile wondering where the hell he had gotten himself into. 

“He needs almost constant care, especially in the beginning. It’s a tough job. Are you sure you want to do this? We can find him a good nursing home until he gets his sight back. Just so you know the other option.”

Robert in a nursing home almost made Aaron smile, but he understood the importance of what she told him. But he had promised Vic he would look after Robert and he would never break a promise to a friend. 

“I’m good. I’m used to him being moody. I can handle him,” he reassured her, wondering if his words were entirely true. 

“Alright then,” she smiled at him and stood up. He noticed the other nurse had returned with the discharge papers. He walked up to her, wondering, not for the first time, why he had promised to look after Robert Sugden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr: http://wolkje25.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

Robert heard how Aaron opened the door to the back of the pub. He took another step forward and almost tripped over the step.

“Watch the step,” he heard Aaron say, amusement in his voice. 

“Little too late for that, don’t you think,” Robert replied, annoyed.

He heard Aaron slightly moving. 

“You know, just because I’m blind, doesn’t mean I can’t hear you shrugging your shoulders,” Robert commented.

“I wasn’t,” Aaron replied, nonchalant. 

“Yeah you were,” Robert argued back. 

Aaron just huffed. He closed the door behind Robert and Robert heard him walk inside. Robert followed him, as fast as he could. He touched the door post with his hands and let his right hand follow the wall. He took step after step, until he reached the other doorpost. He rested against it. He didn’t really want to admit it, but it cost him a lot of energy moving himself from one place to another. 

He heard movement in front of him and he could feel the warmth of Aaron’s body near him. “You know, it will take you forever to get to the couch at this rate,” he commented, harshly.

“And you seem to forget that I can’t see a thing,” Robert snapped back. 

“It’s kinda impossible for me to forget that since you’ve to stay in my home and all,” Aaron stated.

“Well I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” Robert huffed. 

Aaron sighed heavily, his breath touching Roberts’s cheek. It made his heart race, just knowing Aaron was so close. He probably only had to reach out his hand to be able to touch him. 

“Fine. Come on,” Aaron said, before Robert felt a hand on his upper arm and another on his lower back. Robert sucked in a breath because of the feelings those hands awoke in him. Aaron didn’t seem to notice, or pretended he didn’t. 

Aaron guided him to the couch, the pressure on his back increasing, so Robert knew he had to walk. “Look out-” Before Aaron could finish, Robert had already walked into it. “-for the couch.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Robert said sarcastically. 

“This is just as new for me as it is for you,” Aaron replied, his voice slightly annoyed. 

Robert sighed silently. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

Aaron ignored his apology, he just talked on. “Alright, so a bit to the left, just follow the couch with your hand.” Robert did what Aaron said, Aaron’s hands still guiding him. “That’s it, alright you can sit down.” Robert sank down on the couch. He sighed in relieve and leaned back against the couch, the last remains of his energy leaving his body. He felt so tired all the time. He wasn’t used to walk any more than he absolutely had to. He only now started to realize that he didn’t have his usual strength. 

Silence dawned on him and he wondered if Aaron was still there. He moved restlessly on the couch, trying to find the most comfortable spot, but eventually just rested with his back against the back of the couch again. When he finally sat still, he listened again, but he still heard nothing. 

“Aaron?”

Robert moved his head to every side, just to figure out if he heard any noise, but he heard nothing, only silence. He sat up straight again and buried his face in his hands, feeling the bandages under his fingers, which were still wrapped around his eyes. He felt even more lost and alone than he did in the hospital. 

“I’m here,” he suddenly heard, on the left side of him. He looked up at the sound. Even though he couldn’t see him, Aaron’s voice made him turn towards him nevertheless. “So… you want something to eat?”

“I’m not very hungry,” Robert replied, not wanting Aaron to see how completely helpless he was when he’d to eat. 

“That’s not gonna cut it mate. You’re gonna need a better argument with me,” the sound of Aaron’s voice decreased and Robert figured he was walking towards the kitchen. 

Robert sighed at Aaron’s words and grumbled: “Fine, what do you’ve got?”

“Can make you some bread. And a cup of tea,” Aaron replied casually.

“Great,” Robert murmured, wondering where the hell he had gotten himself into. 

xXx

Robert sat himself down at the table. He had just been awakened by Aaron and he felt a bit out of it. After Aaron had made him some lunch, just some bread he could eat with his hands, he had helped Robert up to his room, before he had left, saying something about work. Robert had had nothing better to do than lie on his bed, until eventually he had fallen to sleep. And now here he was, still a bit drowsy, waiting for his dinner. He had slept away the whole afternoon. 

Aaron placed a plate in front of him and said: “I got your things from the B&B. It’s in my car.”

Robert just nodded, not really sure what to say to that. 

Robert smelled his food, recognizing the scent, but not being able to place it, he asked: “So what is this?” 

“Fish and chips,” Aaron answered. 

“That’s the best you can do, is it?” Robert said. It was meant to be a joke, but even to Robert’s ears it sounded like an accusation. 

“Fine. If you don’t want it-,” Aaron started, the irritation in his voice. 

“No. It’s fine,” Robert hastened to say. 

He moved his fingers over his plate, until he touched something that felt like a chip and put it in his mouth. “It’s not bad,” he stated, after he swallowed it. 

He couldn’t see Aaron’s expression, but he hoped he had to smile at his comment. 

“I didn’t cut your fish, so you can just use your hands to eat it. It’s on the left side of your plate.”

“Thanks,” Robert murmured, taking another chip. He noticed he was quite hungry, even though he had done nothing but sleep the whole afternoon. 

He put his left hand on the table, accidentally grazing with his fingers alongside Aaron’s hand. His heart skipped a beat and a warmth spread out from his fingers all the way through his body. 

Aaron pulled his hand away at once. Robert swallowed uncomfortable, not really knowing if he should say something or not. He decided to just let it go. 

They ate in silence after that, Robert not really knowing what he had to say. He remembered the time when it had been so easy to talk to Aaron, how easy it had been to open up to him, to tell him all his darkest secrets, knowing he wouldn’t be judged. It felt like something had been broken between them. Robert wondered if it could ever be fixed.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a yell coming from inside the pub.

“What’s all that commotion?” Robert asked, curiously.

“What?” Aaron asked, as if he hadn’t heard anything.

“In the pub,” Robert answered, turning his head towards the sound. He could clearly hear shouting now.

“I don’t know,” Aaron replied in a ‘I don’t really care’ voice.

“So go on and take a look then,” Robert commanded, knowing it would take him longer to get there, let alone to see what was going on. 

“Why would I?” Aaron asked nonchalant. 

Robert felt the irritation grow in his chest and snapped: “Fine, suite yourself.”

He heard Aaron huffing out a breath. “I forgot how absolutely annoying you are,” Aaron shot back. 

He heard the scraping of a chair and footsteps moving away from him. The door closed behind Aaron and Robert sighed. Great, now he had made Aaron walk away from him again. He picked up a chip and ate it, but it didn’t taste as good as it had before. He chewed and swallowed it, before he pushed his plate away, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. 

Robert buried his face in his hands and sat still for a few minutes. Robert wondered what he should do now, knowing Aaron would probably not come back any time soon. He scraped his chair backwards, so he could get up, but was stopped by the opening of the door. He heard footsteps coming his way, but they wavered and stopped a few feet away from him. 

“Aaron?” Robert asked, already knowing it could only be him.

“I checked,” Aaron said, something in his voice made Robert suddenly alert.

“So what’s going on?” Robert inquired. 

“It was Chrissie,” Aaron replied, his voice sounding tight.

Robert frowned his forehead, worry coursing through his body. He asked, his voice demanding: “What happened?”

“She confessed to the whole pub it was her who caused the crash.”

“She did what?!” Robert cried out, standing up so fast his chair clattered down on the ground. 

“You knew. Didn’t you?” Aaron asked, his tone accusing. 

“Of course I knew. I was there remember?!” Robert voice was harsh, triggered by Aaron’s tone. 

“And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?! That your wife put my family in hospital?!” Aaron yelled at him. 

“She put my family in hospital too! And I don’t need to tell you anything!” Robert fired back.

“Did you think she could get away with it?! Was that your plan?! She killed three people!” Aaron shouted. 

“Don’t you think I know that?!”

“It doesn’t look like you care!” Aaron yelled.

“Of course I care! I’m not a monster!” Robert shouted back.

“You sure about that?!” 

Robert’s mouth opened and closed, before Aaron’s words sank in. He shook his head in disbelieve, memories of those awful moments in the cottage crashing down on him. 

His voice trembled light, when he said: “I need to find her, before anybody else does.” He moved to pass Aaron. 

“No way, you are staying here!” Aaron grabbed him by his arms holding him tight, Robert knew it would leave bruises. 

“Let go of me!” Robert yelled, his voice dangerous.

“And then what?! You’ll get lost if you even walk five yards!”

“I don’t need you to tell me what I can and cannot do!” Robert yelled, struggling to get out of Aaron’s grip, his hands gripping Aaron’s hoodie, but Aaron wasn’t budging.

“Well apparently you do, because you are acting like a complete tool right now!”

“Let me go, Aaron! I mean it! Let go or I’ll-“

“You do what?! You’ll point a gun at me again?!”

Robert tensed up and he froze on the spot. His breathing became shallow and his mind stopped working for a moment, as if it had a difficult time processing Aaron’s words. Suddenly he let go of Aaron’s hoodie, pushing him away as if he had burned himself and walked towards the stairs. He almost tripped over the first step, before he climbed up the stairs. He reached his room, opened the door, closed it and let himself fall down on the bed. His mind was projecting all those terrible moments in that cottage. The gun in his hand, the blood on Aaron’s body, the terrible sound of the gun going off, Paddy who fell to the ground. But the most painful memory was the way Aaron had looked at him. He had never felt more alone in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will get better, I promise! Just bear with me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments. But most of all I want to thank you for reading my story! It means a lot!

Aaron leaned against the counter, waiting for the coffee to be ready. His eyes wavered to Robert, who was sitting on the couch, his elbows leaning on his knees, his chin resting on his intertwined hands. The mood between them had dropped well under freezing point after their fight. They didn’t talk if it wasn’t totally necessary and if they did they weren’t particular nice to one another. All that came over Robert’s lips were complaints or harsh words. The only moment he had seen a nice Robert was when Victoria had come by yesterday to see how he was doing. Aaron mostly ignored Robert now, trying not to listen to a word he said. The words they had spoken were still fresh in Aaron’s mind, the memories and scars of the night in that cottage too raw for Aaron to forget. Not for the first time he wondered if it wouldn’t be better for himself if he just told Robert to leave. He didn’t really know what was stopping him. Or maybe he did, but didn’t want to examine it too closely. 

He moved his hand over his face. He felt tired. Since Robert had come to stay with him, he hadn’t had one good night’s rest. He moved when the coffee was done, poured it into two mugs and walked towards Robert.

“Here,” Aaron stated, reaching out his hand for Robert to grab the mug. Robert reached out his hand, but missed the mug entirely. Aaron sighed and put the mug in Robert’s hand. 

“Christ, this is flaming hot!” Robert called out. He tried to put the mug on the table in front of him, but Aaron took it from Robert´s hands and put it on the table instead. 

“Sorry, didn’t think,” Aaron admitted, the guilt finding a way into his voice, although the irritation he felt around Robert nowadays was already brewing inside of him. 

“No, clearly,” Robert huffed.

Aaron almost rolled with his eyes as he felt the annoyance grow in his chest. He sat himself down on the left side of Robert, facing him while he snapped: “You know, this constant moaning is fuckin’ annoying. Seriously Robert, you need to get over yourself.”

He saw the older man stiffen next to him, before Robert got up. Aaron noticed how Robert struggled to find his balance, before he moved passed him. 

“Where you going?” He asked, his voice filled with annoyance and, he couldn’t help it, concern. 

“Somewhere you’re not,” Robert said, his voice tight. 

“Fine, suit yourself,” Aaron answered, leaning back against the couch, fed up with Robert’s constant moaning and moping. 

That seemed to do it for Robert, because he turned around and snapped: “You’ve got no idea what it’s like, not to be able to see anything at all, to see nothing but blackness. I could really do without the attitude, thank you very much.”

Aaron huffed out a laugh, before he answered: “No you right, I don’t know what it’s like. But I have seen you struggle the last two Goddamn days. I know it’s hard and fucking frustrating for you, but you sulking isn’t gonna make it better. Maybe it would make it a little easier for us to live together if you would stop that. Because right now, you’re doing my head in.” 

Robert stood completely still for a moment, before he moved and sat himself back down next to Aaron. They drank their coffee in silence and when Aaron had made breakfast, he handed Robert his bowl of cereal. Yesterday Robert had moaned about the fact it had been cheerios and not the fancy ones he was used to, but now all he did was thank him. Cereal was one of the few things Robert could eat without much help. Aaron sat himself down again, his own bowl of cereal in his hand. They ate in silence. Aaron tried to find something to say. He didn’t want to live with Robert when there was a constant tension between them. He had promised Vic he would look after him. And even though Aaron really didn’t want to, he knew he would keep his promise. So eventually Aaron said: “So it’s shower day today, right?”

Robert shook his head and Aaron knew that if he had been able to, he would’ve rolled his eyes: “God, you sound like a nurse.”

“Feel like one too, sometimes,” Aaron said, half-jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. 

Aaron saw a small smile cross Robert’s features, which made him smile himself. 

“Good. I almost started to think you had forgotten how to do that,” Aaron mumbled, before he could stop himself.

“What?” Robert asked, surprised, his face turning towards Aaron. 

Aaron suddenly felt a bit shy when he said: “Smile.”

Robert smiled again, a real smile. It tucked at Aaron’s heart and made his ears buzz. Warmth blossomed in his stomach and released thousands of butterflies. The corners of his mouth turned up, without Aaron really knowing why.

Robert’s face was turned towards him, the smile still around his lips. “You’re smiling?” He asked, his voice sounding warm and joyful, but also a bit hesitant. 

“Nope. Not at all,” he answered, knowing his voice betrayed him. 

“Yes you are,” Robert replied, his voice sounded happy, sincere, real. It had been a long time ago Aaron had heard that voice. It scared him a little how much he had missed it. 

“Alright. Yes, I’m smiling. Happy now?” Aaron admitted, faking annoyance. He wasn’t able to pull his eyes away from Robert’s face as Robert’s smile turned wider. 

“Good. I always loved your smiles,” Robert admitted, his face still glowing. Aaron turned slightly red at that and was, for the first time, glad that Robert couldn’t see him. 

Suddenly Robert’s face fell, the smile fading from his lips. Aaron frowned in concern, wondering what was going on in Robert’s mind. He almost wanted to ask, but was stopped by Robert’s voice. Robert’s voice was small when he spoke: “I miss that, being able to look at you.”

It felt like something was stuck in Aaron’s throat, he had a hard time swallowing. “Yeah, me too,” he whispered. 

Even though he couldn’t see Robert’s eyes, he could feel the sadness radiating from him. All he wanted to do in that moment was to make the sadness go away. So he said, with more joy than he was feeling: “Right. Let’s get you under that shower.”

“I don’t really feel like it,” Robert grumbled, still a bit moody.

“And you think I do?” Aaron shot back, raising his eyebrows, even though Robert wouldn’t be able to see. “But you will not get out of this one. One more day in this smell and you start attracting flies.”

“What?” Robert laughed, disbelieving.

“You stink,” Aaron clarified, feeling way too happy about teasing Robert.

“I do not,” Robert argued back.

“Eh, yes you do. When’s the last time you showered properly?” Aaron teased, his eyes twinkling.

Robert’s silence gave him the answer. 

“See, told ya. Now get up, lazy git,” Aaron raised himself of the couch and waited for Robert to do the same. 

Robert sighed, before he stood up, reaching out his right hand. Aaron grabbed it and laid it on his lower arm, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have Robert’s large hand resting on his arm. As if it didn’t awake all kind of feelings in Aaron’s chest. Aaron turned around and Robert laid his other hand on Aaron’s shoulder. 

They walked slowly out of the room and upstairs. When they reached the bathroom, Aaron guided him so Robert could sit down on the toilet. 

“Wait here, I’m gonna get you some clothes,” Aaron said, leaving the room again. 

“Wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” He heard Robert call after him. 

“No course you weren’t,” Aaron muttered to himself, shaking his head lightly. He walked into Robert’s room and looked through the garbage bags. Robert had told him, or yelled at him more like, that he hadn’t really had any time to organize it after Chrissie had thrown him out. He found a clean T-shirt and Robert’s jeans, a boxer and some socks and he even found the stuff to bandage Robert’s eyes again after he had showered, in a bag from the pharmacy. 

He returned to the bathroom, only to notice Robert had stripped himself down to his boxers. Aaron stood frozen by the bathroom door at the sight of Robert’s almost naked body. His eyes wavered over Robert’s lean body. He was toned on just the right places. Aaron loved to run his hands over Robert’s bare chest. Aaron clenched his jaw. He wasn’t supposed to look at Robert this way anymore. They were over, he had a very good reason to stay as far away from Robert as he could. Still here they were, in a room which suddenly felt way too small for Aaron’s liking. 

Aaron took a deep breath to calm his nerves and walked inside, putting Robert’s clean clothes and the bag from the pharmacy on the washbasin. Robert moved his head up at the sounds Aaron was making. Aaron grabbed a towel and a washcloth from a shelf and draped it over the shower cabin.

He turned around towards Robert again. Robert was still sitting there, he hadn’t moved an inch. Aaron just looked at him, wondering what he should do next. 

“Maybe you could turn on the shower, so it’ll be warm.” He saw Robert swallow uncomfortable, before he added softly: “Then you can get the bandages off, if you want.”

Aaron nodded, until he realized that Robert wouldn’t be able to see that. “Yeah, okay,” his voice suddenly hoarse. He hadn’t really thought about it before, but he realized it must’ve been terrifying for Robert to get his bandages removed, knowing he might or might not have his sight back. He couldn’t really help it, his heart went out to Robert at the moment. 

He moved and put on the shower, before he moved towards Robert. His heart beat rapidly against his chest, when he reached him, knowing he could touch him. He tried to keep his voice steady when he said: “Right, here we go.” He noticed Robert’s shoulders tense up when his hands touched his head. He removed the bandages slowly, not wanting to hurt Robert, but also wanted to give Robert the time to prepare himself. 

He removed the last of the bandages and he sucked in a breath when he looked at Robert’s face. Robert’s eyes were still closed, but on the side of his left eye he had a nasty looking wound. It was red around the edges, but most of the wound consisted of a yellow substance. The wound wasn’t large, but it was there and the sight of it grabbed at Aaron’s throat. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Robert said, still with his eyes closed: “When I shower most of the yellow stuff disappears. At least that’s what they told me.”

“You never said you were wounded,” Aaron said, barely able to speak. 

“Thought you had already figured that one out,” Robert replied truthfully.

“What happened?” Aaron asked, his eyes still fixed on the wound. 

Robert shrugged: “The doctors said something flaming hot must have hit my face and burned through the skin, but they weren’t totally sure.”

Aaron stomach lurched at the thought and his chest tightened in pain. Suddenly Robert’s hand grabbed his arm: “It will heal. It will leave a few scares and my face will probably never look the same as it did before, but it will heal. This however…” Robert’s voice trailed off and that’s when Aaron noticed Robert had opened his eyes. 

They were still the same color, blue with a little bit of green. Aaron had always loved Robert’s eyes. Even when Robert had kept all the emotion from his face, Aaron had always been able to read every emotion in Robert’s eyes. But there was something missing now, there was no light there, just emptiness. As if Robert was hollow inside. Aaron had to swallow hard, just to stop his eyes from filling up with tears. Robert’s hand fell from Aaron’s arm and he smiled sadly. “Nothing,” was all he said, before he stood up. He walked towards the shower, one hand on the washbasin for support. He took of his boxer and disappeared under the shower. 

The tears ran free over Aaron’s face, knowing that Robert wouldn’t be able to see.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this story! And thank you for all the kudos and lovely comments! Here's the new chapter. Enjoy!

Robert was leaning back against the couch, wondering where Aaron disappeared to. It seemed like they had come to some kind of truce since yesterday morning when he had showered and Aaron had found out he had been wounded. At least, that’s what it felt like to Robert. They hadn’t talked about their fight, but they weren’t yelling at or ignoring each other anymore either. They acted the same around each other as before the argument. As if the fight hadn’t happened. Although Robert did notice a difference in Aaron. He seemed more distant, but at the same time more concerned about him. Robert couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the change was there, he just didn’t really know why.

Suddenly something hit him square in the chest and he screeched in surprise. 

“Aaron! What the hell!” Robert cried out, grabbing the thing Aaron had thrown at him before it had the change to glide onto the ground. “What is this?” He held it in his hand, the fabric feeling smooth underneath his fingertips. 

“It’s your jacket. We’re going outside,” came Aaron’s peremptory reply.

“No,” Robert responded immediately. 

“Yes,” Aaron fired back, as if Robert’s opinion didn’t count at all.

“I already told you before. I’m not going outside,” Robert replied, annoyed. 

“Yeah, you are. With me. Right now,” Aaron countered, seemingly unmoved by Robert’s words. Which only made Robert more agitated. 

He stood up from the couch as he turned towards the place he thought Aaron should be standing, throwing his jacket down on the couch. His voice was filled with anger when he spoke again: “What part of no, don’t you understand?!”

“Oh I understand, I just don’t care what you want. Or think you want. You can’t hide from the world forever Robert.”

Robert had already opened his mouth in an angry reply when Aaron’s words sank in. He slumped down on the couch, Aaron’s words closer to the truth than Robert wanted to admit. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. Somehow Aaron could always tell what was going on in his head. Sometimes it scared Robert how well Aaron knew him. 

“Look, I know it’s hard for you, but you can’t stay in here all the time,” Aaron commented.

“Why not?” Robert replied, suddenly feeling tired and small. He just couldn’t go outside. He didn’t want people to see him this way. Broken and weak. He hated only the thought of how they would look at him, what they might think of him. 

“Because it’s not healthy. And maybe some fresh air will lighten your mood, because you’re starting to get on my nerves again,” Aaron stated.

Robert shook his head, as if Aaron’s words didn’t really matter to him: “I don’t care.” 

“Fine,” answered Aaron, as if he was giving up and Robert sighed in relieve. But then Robert was surprised by Aaron’s words: “What do you want?”

Robert frowned, trying to understand where Aaron was talking about: “Sorry, but are you seriously trying to bribe me right now?” He couldn’t keep the disbelieve out of his voice. 

“Yes,” Aaron answered, which made Robert smile in unspoken amusement. “So tell me what you want,” Aaron continued. 

“Seriously?” Robert asked again, still not convinced Aaron was being genuine. 

“Yes. You go outside with me right now and in return you can ask anything from me. So tell me what it is you want,” Aaron said and Robert heard the serious undertone in Aaron’s voice. Robert frowned his forehead, before he made a decision. 

“Alright,” Robert said. He rested his chin on his hand, trying to think of something. There weren’t a lot of things useful for him right now. He couldn’t see, so couldn’t do much either. But more importantly, what would Aaron be able to give him? Aaron didn’t have much money, so asking for something he had to buy would be cruel. So what then?

Suddenly an idea ran through his mind. The idea made his heart beat faster and his pulse racing. 

“I want a night with you.”

“Robert,” Aaron said, warningly, clearly not amused by Robert’s words. 

“That’s not… I just want to spend the night with you,” Alright, that sounded even worse. And that was not what he wanted, well it was, but it was not what he wanted to say. 

Aaron didn’t say anything, so Robert rattled on: “I just want to spent time with you. If you want. Just watching telly. Or more you watching and I listening.” He heard Aaron sighing. 

“Fine. That’s a deal,” Aaron said, his voice slightly annoyed like most of the time he talked to Robert nowadays. But now, Robert could also hear the light amusement covering Aaron’s voice, indicating he was smiling. 

“Good. Deal,” was all Robert said, smiling lightly, until he realized he had to go outside right now. He stood up from the couch, sighing, grabbing his jacket and putting it on, when he realized something. 

Aaron had been smiling.

“You tricked me,” Robert said, disbelieve in his voice.

“Don’t know where you’re talking about, mate,” Aaron replied, casually.

“You did,” Robert huffed, the reality of what he just did dawning on him.

“It’s not my fault you’ve got bad negotiation skills,” Aaron replied, amusement covering his voice. 

“Fine. Tonight,” Robert stated.

“Doesn’t count. You should’ve thought about that before you agreed to the deal. So now, you’ll have to wait, till I say when and how.” Robert was sure Aaron was grinning like a fool now and Robert shook his head, not really knowing if he should be amused or annoyed.

“You knew what I wanted and you used it against me.”

“Of course, I’m not stupid.” No, Aaron wasn’t stupid, but he was. Was he being so transparent, that Aaron could tell and predict every thought or word from him before he had even spoken them? He had been so preoccupied and happy with the prospect of spending time with Aaron, he forgot it was Aaron he was making a deal with. 

“Can’t believe I fell for that,” Robert replied, shaking his head lightly. 

He heard Aaron laugh, before he felt a hand on his shoulder and Aaron’s voice near his ear, saying: “Come on.” The pressure of Aaron’s hand on his shoulder increased and Aaron guided him outside. 

It was cold outside. Well, cold for a summer day in august. A soft breeze touched Robert’s face. Feeling that made him suddenly realize how much he had missed the wind blowing through his hair and the sun shining on his face. He inhaled the fresh air and relaxed slightly. Maybe going outside hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. 

Aaron closed the door behind them and stood still next to Robert. Robert could almost feel Aaron’s eyes on him, as if he was waiting for Robert to back out, he didn’t say anything, just waited next to him. Robert reached out his hand, wanting to let it rest on Aaron’s shoulder, but his fingers grazed Aaron’s jaw line. 

“Sorry,” Robert mumbled, wanting to pull away his hand. Aaron didn’t say anything, but his fingers grazed over Robert’s when Aaron touched his hand and laid it down on the right place on his shoulder. Aaron started walking in a slow pace, guiding him in some direction, Robert didn’t know which one and frankly didn’t care either. Aaron’s shoulder felt strong and muscular underneath his hand and although Aaron was wearing one of his hoodies, Robert could feel his muscles moving underneath it while he walked. 

They walked in silence for a while. Robert enjoyed the breeze on his face, the fresh air and the feeling of Aaron’s shoulder underneath his hand. He wished he could, not for the first time, see something, anything. He wanted to see Emmerdale again, the houses, the fields, the people. He had come to love this village again. Of course a big reason for that was because of Aaron and because his own family lived here. But somewhere deep inside of him he had missed it, had missed the village. He would never admit it out loud, but after all the time he’d been away he finally felt like he was home again. 

“How does it look outside?” Robert asked, a bit curious, a bit self-aware. Asking Aaron to describe something was a line he hadn’t crossed yet. He hadn’t really acknowledged out loud that he really didn’t see a thing, except for when he was trying to make a point. 

“I don’t know. Dark,” Aaron said, after a moment.

Robert couldn’t suppress his laughter: “That’s seriously the best description you could give me, is it?”

Aaron pocked him in his side, which made Robert yelp in surprise. Aaron laughed at Robert’s reaction and replied: “If you want a poetry reading all you have to do is ask, Robert.”

Robert chuckled softly: “You’re unbelievable, you know that.”

“I know. But thanks anyway,” Aaron said cheeky.

“That wasn’t a compliment, you know,” Robert answered, still with a smile on his face.

“Sounded like one to me,” Aaron replied, a laugh sounding through in his voice. 

Robert shook his head in amusement, but didn’t reply. 

He still wondered why Aaron would look after him and hadn’t put him back on the street the moment they had fought for the first time. He was grateful Aaron hadn’t. Aaron had helped him when he had no one else who would or could look after him, had been there in his weakest moments. He would never forget that. 

Robert was started out of his mind when Aaron suddenly cleared his throat. The sound made Robert slightly uneasy. Aaron mostly cleared his throat when he was going to talk about something he didn’t really want to talk about, but had told himself he had to. 

“So what are you gonna do now?” Aaron asked after a heartbeat, his voice slightly insecure. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked confused.

“Do you know where you’re gonna stay? Are you gonna go back to her? Because we haven’t really talked about this and I really think we should.”

“You want me to go back to her?” Robert asked. He didn’t really know why, but he could hear the hurt in his own voice. The warm thoughts he had just had about Aaron disappeared at once. 

Robert felt Aaron’s shoulder tense underneath his hand. It was silent for a moment, as if Aaron had to think about an answer before he could reply, his voice harsh: “It isn’t any of my business.”

“No it isn’t. So why are we talking about it?” Robert snapped. He really didn’t want to snap at Aaron, but hearing Aaron talk about leaving him, made him feel… it made him feel… He didn’t really know how it made him feel. What he did know was that it was a terrible feeling. 

“Never mind. Forget I asked.”

“No, go on,” Robert pushed, still feeling that terrible ache in his chest. 

Aaron’s voice was filled with anger when he said: “You know what Robert, why don’t you just go figure it out yourself. I don’t need this.” And with that Aaron shook Robert’s hand from his shoulder and walked away. 

Robert could hear his blood rushing in his ears, as he stood there completely frozen. His heart started to pound frantically against his chest, when he realized Aaron had left him in the middle of the street, with no sense of direction and on his own. 

“Aaron?” His voice sounded so tight and small, he almost didn’t recognize it himself. Robert took a step forwards, but couldn’t tell where he was or where he should go. 

“Aaron?” Robert said again. He must be sounding ridiculous, talking into thin air. But he couldn’t do much more. He tried to stop himself from panicking. His hands started to sweat and he put his hands into fists to stop them from trembling. “Aaron… I’m sorry…I’m..”

His throat tightened and he couldn’t speak. He could feel the pressure on his chest and the tears burning in his eyes. He couldn’t stop the shaking of his hands anymore. He had to swallow hard to stop himself from crying. “Aaron… I can’t…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m right here,” Aaron said very close to him and at the same time Aaron touched his arm to let him know he was really there. Aaron voice sounded apologetic and filled with concern, which made Robert feel a bit better: “You alright?”

Robert had to take a shuddering breath of air, trying to get his emotions back under control. “This was a terrible idea,” Robert muttered, putting his hands in his pocket. Aaron stayed silent for a long time. Robert might’ve thought Aaron had left him again, wasn’t it for his hand which was still resting on his arm.

“Right. Give me your hand,” Aaron commented finally. 

“What?” Robert asked confused. 

“Give me your hand.”

Robert hesitated, trying to figure out what Aaron was after exactly. 

“Come on, Robert. I’m not gonna ask again.” 

“But why?” Robert asked, meanwhile doing what he was told and reaching out his hand. Aaron grabbed it. Robert’s heart skipped a beat by the feeling of Aaron’s rough skin against his own smooth one. Aaron moved his thumb in small circles over Robert’s hand and somehow it was soothing to Robert, calming the tension in his body, he didn’t know had been building up inside of him when he had lost physical contact with Aaron. 

Meanwhile Aaron answered his question: “It’s easier to guide you this way. Can’t lose you like this and I can pull you easier away from obstacles and stuff.”

“Yes, until you let me walk into a lamppost,” Robert replied, half sarcastic, half joking. 

“Or until I push you into a pool with muddy water,” Aaron teased back.

“That would be something, wouldn’t it?” Robert replied, a small smile tucking at his lips. 

He heard Aaron huff out a laugh: “Yeah, it would.”

Something in Aaron’s voice made the smile fade from Robert’s face. It was like they both realized how completely difficult and complicated the situation was and that they both were still trying to find a way to deal with it. Not only with Robert being blind, but with everything that had happened between them. 

They still hadn’t found a way of talking about it. It felt like something was stopping them from putting it into words. Robert knew, it would make it all too real again. It would bring back all those well-hidden emotions, all those terrible memories. All those things Robert had tried to put as far away in his mind as he possibly could. But he knew that if he wanted to have that connection with Aaron again, that thrust, he needed to talk to him. Even if Aaron didn’t want him back, Robert couldn’t lose him. He was the only person he really trusted, the only person who he even allowed to see him in his worst stages. He was the only person he had ever let in. Thinking about losing him gave him a physical stab in his heart. He had never experienced that before and it scared the shit out of him. So maybe he could get Aaron’s trust back. If Aaron would let him in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and amazing comments! But above all, thanks for reading!

“So is this you keeping your end of the deal?” Robert asked from the couch. Aaron took two beers from the fridge, opened them and walked back to the living room, where Robert was putting off his shoes.

“Don’t know where you’re talking about. This is just us having a beer,” Aaron replied, smiling lightly as Robert shrugged out of his jacket and leaned back against the couch. 

“Good to know,” Robert replied casually, but Aaron saw a smile creeping over Robert’s features and a warm feeling tucked at Aaron’s heart. Robert put his feet on the table and sighed in content. 

“You know, maybe we should get you some blankets,” Aaron said, while plopping down next to Robert on the couch. He grabbed Robert’s wrist with his hand, which made Robert startle for a moment, and placed a beer in his hand. 

“Where you on about?” Robert asked, before taking a sip.

“So you can sleep here too. Seems like you’ve been spending more time on this couch the last couple of days than I did in my lifetime.”

Robert chuckled softly at Aaron’s words and Aaron had to smile himself. 

Robert sure did look tired though. They had just returned from their walk ten minutes ago which had lasted for more than an hour. At the end it had even been Aaron who had decided it was time to go back.

He still felt slightly guilty over leaving Robert alone. It only had been for a few moments, but the total panic and helplessness he had witnessed from Robert, still grabbed him at the throat and made him feel terrible about himself. He didn’t want to cause Robert any more pain. So maybe this was him trying to make it up to him. 

“So what ya wanna watch?” Aaron asked, reaching for the remote control on the table and putting the TV on. 

“Don’t really care, as long it’s not a reality show,” Robert answered, relaxing against the back of the couch. 

Aaron thought for a moment, before he got up and walked to the place they kept the DVD’s.

“What’re you doing?” Robert asked curiously. 

“I just remembered I’ve got an Avengers DVD here somewhere. Got it for my birthday last year,” Aaron rummaged through all the DVD’s until he found it. “Got it.”

He put it in the DVD player and returned to the couch. He put it on and relaxed back into the couch. 

Aaron sipped from his beer as the film started playing. When they were two minutes into the film Robert suddenly spoke up: “What’s that narrating? I don’t remember it being anything like this in the film.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, already suspecting Robert had already seen this film, before he answered Robert’s question. “There’s this function on the DVD for blind people. It’s a narrator who tells you exactly what’s happening in the silent moments. They’ve got that function on the TV as well.”

“When did you figure that out?” Robert inquired.

Aaron shrugged: “Yesterday, when you were already in bed. It’s weird if you can just see everything. But I thought it might’ve come in handy for you.” He tried to keep his voice light, but he heard the slight hesitant tone in his voice, not really knowing how Robert would react.

When he looked up he noticed Robert’s face was turned towards him. Robert didn’t speak, he just reached out his hand and laid it down on Aaron’s knee. Aaron felt the warmth from Robert’s hand burning though the fabric of his trousers. His heart started to beat rapidly against his chest. “Thank you,” Robert muttered softly. He squeezed Aaron’s knee, before he let go. Aaron immediately missed the warmth of Robert’s hand. He let go of his baited breath, leaning back against the back of the couch. He tried to refocus on the film, but it was harder than he wanted to admit, having Robert’s presence so close by. 

They spent the next thirty minutes of the film in silence, before Aaron stood up and fetched them two new beers. After putting them on the table, he walked back to the kitchen and returned with a bowl, placing it on Robert’s lap. Robert only flinched for a moment, before he asked: “What’s this?”

“Why don’t you try and find out?” Aaron dared him.

“What? And get poisoned by you? No thanks,” Robert laughed.

“If I wanted to poison you, I would’ve done it by now. I already had thousands of opportunities,” Aaron stated, smiling lightly.

“True,” Robert replied, before he moved his hand into the bowl. 

“Hm, haven’t had this in a very long time,” Robert said, as he swallowed the popcorn. 

“You’re serious?” Aaron asked, raising his eyebrow in disbelieve.

“Yeah well, it’s not something that she bought, you know,” Robert replied as if it didn’t really matter, but Aaron heard something in his voice he couldn’t quite place. Some kind of sadness.

“I guess not,” Aaron answered slightly uncomfortable, before he continued in a lighter voice: “Now pass me the bowl. You can’t eat all of it yourself.”

Robert moved his arms protective along the bowl, as if he wanted to protect it from Aaron. “You gave it to me,” he stated, before he took another bite, a grin spreading on his face.

Aaron rolled his eyes: “Give me the bowl, Robert.”

“Don’t think so,” Robert said smiling, moving away from Aaron. 

“Robert,” Aaron warned, half smiling. 

Robert just made a noise, his mouth filled with popcorn.

Aaron shook his head, before he moved towards Robert. He tried to grab the bowl from Robert but Robert kept it out of his reach, leaning over it with his body. Aaron moved even closer, his chest colliding with Robert’s back, his legs on the couch. 

“No. It’s mine,” Robert said, grinning. Aaron sneaked his hands around Robert’s body and started to tickle him, which made Robert laugh even more. “Stop it! Aaron! I mean it, stop!”

“Give me the bowl and I’ll stop,” Aaron replied grinning like an idiot. 

“No way! Aaron, Stop! Please!” Robert answered, still laughing loudly. 

“Then you’ll leave me no choice,” Aaron stated, before he took hold of Robert’s T-shirt and pulled him backwards, half against his own body. Robert screamed in surprise as his body was pulled back. He accidently moved his hands, which were still around the bowl, and all the contents of the bowl landed on him, Aaron and the couch. 

“Look what you made me do,” Robert commented, but there was still a laugh in his voice. His back was resting against Aaron’s chest, before he turned around and rested his head and shoulder against the back of the couch, his face turned towards Aaron’s.

Aaron looked down at him and fished a popcorn out of Robert’s hair. “You dropped it,” Aaron replied, still smiling. 

Aaron also leaned with his head against the couch, Robert’s face was only inches away from his. He could feel Robert’s warm breath tickle his face. Aaron’s smile faded from his lips, as his heart started to beat rapidly against his chest. His eyes darted to Robert’s lips and he swallowed audibly. Robert’s lips were slightly parted and Aaron’s blood ran south when Robert moved his tongue over his lower lip. His breathing hitched and he couldn’t move his eyes away from Robert’s mouth. 

He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to kiss him so badly. He wanted to feel those soft lips against his own again. He could do it, he only had to move his mouth a few inches and he would taste Robert’s lips. Aaron moved his hand and lay it down on Robert’s jawline. He heard Robert take in a shuddering breath and Aaron’s heart missed a beat. Robert leaned his head into Aaron’s touch. Aaron caressed Robert’s skin with his thumb, enjoying the feeling of Robert’s skin underneath his fingers.

Robert moved an inch closer, anticipating something and Aaron’s breath hitched, before his mind came to life again, the reality crashing down on him. He moved away from Robert as if he had burned himself and stood up. 

“I should clean up,” he said, his voice hoarse. 

He didn’t turn around to look at Robert, knowing if he did he would read the hurt on his face. The same aching feeling, Aaron felt settling in his own chest. He just moved to the kitchen, not knowing what he needed from there. He just needed to create some space between them, just so he could clear his head again. 

He leaned with his hands against the counter, looking forwards without really seeing anything. His heart was still beating rapidly, his breathing faster than it should be. He somehow knew this would happen sooner or later. That he would be tempted to kiss Robert again. But it would lead to nothing, but him being mad at himself because he was so stupid to go there again. 

He breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself. He always seemed to forget how Robert really was, what he had done, how he could be. The last days he only saw the Robert he knew, who he…. Loved. 

Aaron closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. He hated this, he hated how Robert could make him so confused about his own feelings. How Robert could make Aaron want to kill him one moment and then made him want to kiss him only a few seconds later. With Robert he didn’t know if he was moving forwards or backwards. He didn’t know where he stood, what he felt for Robert, what Robert felt for him. It was like a rollercoaster ride he couldn’t get off. It was tiring and confusing. And right now he had no idea what to do. 

Aaron sighed heavily, trying to compose himself. He didn’t want to think about all these things. He didn’t want to feel all these things. He needed to act as if nothing was wrong, like nothing had happened. He didn’t want Robert to notice what was going on inside of him. When he felt calm enough to return, he noticed Robert was leaning on his hands and knees on the ground.

“Lost something?” Aaron asked, trying to make his voice sound light and playful, but he still sounded hoarse and his voice trembled lightly.

“Trying to clean up the mess I made,” Robert answered casually, but something in his voice made Aaron’s heart ache painfully. 

“Need some help?” Aaron asked after a moment, feeling awkward just standing there. 

“No, I think I’ve got almost everything,” Robert replied. 

“You sure?” 

Robert sighed, sounding annoyed all of a sudden: “No, I’m not sure. So feel free to check.”

Aaron had to bite down his angry remark, the tension rising between them again. Robert stood up, before he sat himself back on the couch. Aaron looked around, sat down on his knees and still found several lost popcorn under and on the couch. He put them in the bowl and sat himself down on the couch again. That’s when he noticed the film was on pause. 

“You put the film on pause,” He stated, a little surprised. 

“I’m not totally useless, you know. I know how to use a remote control,” Robert said, sounding slightly offended. 

“Never said you didn’t,” Aaron answered nonchalant. 

Robert huffed, before he moved forward. Aaron looked on, not interfering, as Robert’s hand searched for the remote control. When Robert’s hand closed around the remote, Aaron couldn’t help but smile lightly, feeling a little proud of Robert. Robert moved his fingers over the buttons for a moment, before he pressed the play button and the film started again. 

“How did ya-“ Aaron started.

“I lived here for a while, remember?” Robert said defensively: “I know which button to press.”

Aaron sighed inwardly at Robert’s tone, but didn’t reply. Instead he tried to focus his attention back on the film. 

During the film Aaron glanced sideways at Robert more times than he probably should allow himself, but he couldn’t quite make himself stop. Robert didn’t seem to notice, or pretended he didn’t. He was lying with his head against the back of the couch. He seemed totally relaxed, his feet on the table, his arms along his sides. 

Aaron drank the last sip from his beer and placed it on the table. When he leaned back against the couch, he noticed he had unconsciously moved himself closer to Robert. He looked at Robert to figure out if Robert had noticed, but Robert didn’t move, so Aaron nestled deeper into the couch, putting his feet on the table next to Robert’s. 

He knew he probably shouldn’t allow himself to sit so close to Robert, not after what just happened. But it wasn’t like he was kissing Robert, or even touching him. He wasn’t doing anything wrong and it didn’t look like Robert seemed to care. And it felt good, sitting so close to Robert, smelling his scent, feeling his warmth. Somehow it made him relax.

Aaron moved his attention back to the film, completely aware of Robert’s presence beside him. It wasn’t like he knew exactly where the film was about. He was too occupied with thoughts about Robert, to really pay attention to it. 

Robert moved beside him and suddenly Robert’s head slid on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron’s body tensed up, looking down at the blond haired head lying on his shoulder. Suddenly he noticed something. Robert’s breathing was deep and evened out and Aaron realized Robert was asleep. He didn’t really know what he had to do now. Some part of him wanted to wake Robert, but another part of him found that thought unbelievably cruel. He sat as silent as he was able to. Robert sighed contently in his sleep and Aaron told himself to relax against the cushions of the couch. Maybe letting Robert sleep was his best option for now. He would watch the end of the film and let Robert sleep. 

Aaron sat there for the remainder of the film, listening to Robert’s breathing. Robert sighed and moaned softly a few times, which made Aaron smile. One time Robert moved his head from his shoulder, changing position, which made Aaron feel disappointed, but Robert moved his head back on his shoulder after five minutes. It made Aaron happier than it should. 

All that time Aaron could only stare at the blond hair, trying to ignore the urge to reach out his hand and comb his fingers through it or press a kiss on Robert’s head. 

When the film ended, Aaron sighed quietly, looking down on the sleeping man beside him. Aaron removed himself slowly and quietly from under Robert’s head, lying Robert’s head against the back of the couch. Robert stirred in his sleep, but didn’t wake up. Aaron moved upstairs as fast as he dared and returned with blankets and a pillow. He lowered himself down on his knees next to the couch and shook Robert’s knee lightly. His voice was husky when he whispered: “Hey sleepy head, wake up.”

Robert stirred again, but now he tilted up his head lightly. Robert’s voice was thick with sleep when he muttered: “Aaron?”

“Ssst. I’m just gonna lay you down, okay? So you can sleep on,” Aaron answered softly. He lay the pillow on the couch and guided Robert down on the couch, his head on the pillow. He draped a blanket over Robert’s body, tucking him in. He looked at Robert for a moment, before he composed himself and moved to get up. 

Suddenly Robert grabbed his hoodie, still half asleep. “Aaron. Don’t leave,” He muttered softly.

Aaron removed Robert’s hand carefully from his hoodie and laid it back under the blanket. He just sat there for a moment, staring at Robert’s face. He moved his hand slowly and his fingers glided softly through Robert’s soft hair, remembering the last time he had ran his hand through it, so long ago. He looked on as Robert fell back to sleep, all the wrinkles in his forehead smoothing out. His hand came to rest on the side of Robert’s face. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere,” he mumbled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and for even reading this story! It means a lot. And thank you for the beautiful comments. They make my day!

Robert was sitting in one of the boots in the pub for the first time since the accident, for the first time since he moved in with Aaron. He was on his own. Aaron had had a call out for the garage.

Since Debbie was still recovering at home from what had happened to her at her wedding, Dan was still trying to cope with the death of Ruby and the scrapyard was still forbidden area after the explosion, Aaron stepped in to cover shifts at the garage. That was why he was sitting in the pub on his own after Aaron had left him half an hour ago.

Everybody left him alone, which suited him just fine, if he was being honest. He had promised Aaron he would still be here when he got back. And that was easier if no one bothered him and he was left alone with his thoughts.

He was almost certain Aaron had wanted to kiss him last night. He hadn’t been able to see, but that wasn’t necessary. He knew how it felt to have Aaron so close, to smell him, to feel his warm breath on his face. He knew how it felt when Aaron was about to kiss him. The moment Aaron had touched his face, his whole body seemed to have come back to life. He had wanted Aaron to kiss him so badly, it physically hurt him now only thinking about it. He had been hurt when Aaron had suddenly pulled away, so he had reacted the only way he knew how. He had snapped at Aaron. And Aaron hadn’t seemed to mind, he had just ignored the venom in his voice. After a while Robert had started to relax again and he’d fallen asleep at some point, because this morning he had woken up on the couch with blankets draped over him.

Aaron had already left that morning as Robert had called for him, but hadn’t received an answer. He had made his own bowl of cereal that morning. It had taken him more time to prepare it than he would ever admit to anyone, but he had done it, which had made him feel a little proud of himself. When Aaron had returned, Robert had been watching TV, or listening to it more like. It had been late in the afternoon or so Robert had thought, because time was not really something Robert was very aware of lately. When Robert had asked where he had been, Aaron had muttered something about his mother coming out of hospital and bringing her to Paddy, before he disappeared upstairs to take a shower.

Robert had thought it would be awkward between them again when Aaron returned from his shower, but that hadn’t been the case. Aaron had made jokes about him being lazy and Robert had mockingly complained about being alone the whole day. That was when Aaron had suggested they could eat at the pub tonight.

Robert hadn’t really felt like it, especially after going outside yesterday, which hadn’t been one of his best experiences. Added to that, was that walking outside in the dark and sitting still in a fully lid pub where everyone could stare at him without him knowing, were two totally different things. It had taken Aaron a lot of convincing to get Robert out into the pub, but eventually Robert had only grudgingly agreed just to make Aaron stop going on about it. He sometimes forgot how persistent Aaron could be. But he also knew Aaron was the only one who could get him so far as to doing things he didn’t really want to.

They had enjoyed a warm meal in the pub, Robert feeling slightly uncomfortable in the beginning, feeling as if everyone was staring at him. But after Aaron had made some terrible joke about the food, Robert had started to relax. Eventually Robert had even enjoyed himself. He had teased Aaron about the fact Aaron wasn’t the best of cooks and he was able to eat something nice for once. He had only stopped when Aaron had reminded him firmly he wasn’t able to cook at all. Which was true, but which was also still a touchy subject for Robert. Although he hadn’t gotten mad, the smile had faded from his lips and he hadn’t spoken for a while.

It wasn’t long after they had finished diner that Aaron had gotten that call from his uncle and Aaron had made him promise he would still be there when he got back. So here he was, regretting his promise for nearly twenty nine minutes now.

“You want another one?” asked a female voice from his left, making him startle for a moment. He recognized the voice of Bernice, Diane’s daughter.

“Yes please. Thanks,” he answered, plastering a polite smile on his face.

That’s when he heard footsteps coming his way and a voice which said: “You’ve got some nerve.”

Robert raised his eyebrows in surprise, trying to recognize the voice, but not being able to place it: “Excuse me?”

“Showing yourself here, while your wife killed all those people.”

The smile faded from Robert’s face and he said defensively: “What’s that gotta do with me?”

“It’s your wife! That whole family of yours is crazy!”

Robert felt the anger rise in his chest and he opened his mouth to give an angry reply, but he was cut off.

“You should have left just like your wife did! People like you don’t belong in this village!”

“Eric, what the hell do you think you’re doing, mate?” came Aaron’s voice out of nowhere.

Relieve washed over Robert, hearing Aaron’s voice, until he noticed the whole pub had gone silent, knowing all their attention was focused on them.

“Well?” Aaron asked, his voice sounding harsh.

“I have every right to be angry,” Eric answered, but his voice missed the sharpness it had held only moments ago.

“Yes you do, but not at him. He’s done nothing wrong. He isn’t even with her anymore,” Aaron replied and Robert could feel Aaron’s eyes resting on him for a moment. Robert frowned at Aaron’s words as Aaron just continued: “You can’t just go around accusing people. He has been hurt in that accident as well. You can’t pin it down on him.”

Robert felt a mingling of gratitude and anger for Aaron after his words, not sure which one was gaining the upper hand. It was silent for so long, Robert started to wonder what was going on.

Suddenly another voice joined their table, saying: “Come on dad. Sorry mate.” Robert wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or Aaron so he just nodded once, realizing it was David, Eric’s son.

Aaron sat down in front of him, touching Robert’s hand lightly which he always seemed to do, to let Robert know he was really there. “You okay?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Robert replied, suddenly knowing which emotion had gained the upper hand: “Thank you.”

He could almost hear Aaron shrugging his shoulders.

“What do you think he means, when he said Chrissie left?” Robert asked, suddenly remembering what Eric had said.

Aaron pulled his hand away and Robert could just sense there was something wrong. “Aaron?”

He heard Aaron sigh heavily: “She left this morning. Gone to her sister or something.”

“She what?” Robert hissed out.

“Vic told me this morning, when I ran into her,” Aaron replied, sounding slightly apologetic.

“And you didn’t think about telling me?” Robert spat, ignoring Aaron’s tone.

Aaron huffed angrily: “Maybe you need to think about the reason why your wife didn’t tell you herself.” Robert heard the venom in Aaron’s voice, before he could hear Aaron standing up and walking away from him.

Robert stood up as well, almost knocking his glass over in the process. He moved to the back of the pub, his anger tensing every muscle in his body. He walked with his hipbone against the side of the bar, which would probably leave a bruise, before he moved past it and entered the back room.

“Aaron! Don’t you dare walk away from me!” Robert yelled.

He heard Aaron’s footsteps on the stairs still and he moved towards the hallway. He stood still in front of the stairs, his head turned towards the steps, convinced Aaron was there.

He was proven right when Aaron spoke up: “You can’t tell me what to do Robert.” His voice was filled with anger.

Robert snapped, his anger matching Aaron’s. “Yeah I knew that the moment you told Chrissie about us!”

Aaron took a few steps down. “You would never have done it yourself,” Aaron fired back, the hatred visible in his voice.

“No of course not! I was already in way to deep!” Robert shouted back.

Aaron huffed out a humorless laugh, before he moved more steps down, until Robert could feel his presence nearby. He was sure Aaron was standing in front of him. “That’s why I told her. Because I needed _you_ out of _my_ life!” Aaron shouted at him.

“So why didn’t you just walk away in the first place?!” Robert yelled: “Why carry on with me for so long, if you didn’t want me anyway?!”

“Because I was so stupid to think you would finally make a choice!” Aaron exclaimed: “That you would eventually chose me over her!”

Silence dawned on them after Aaron’s confession. Their erratic breathing the only thing audible. Robert’s hands, which he had balled into fists, lost their tension and all Robert wanted to do in that moment was reach out his hand, to touch Aaron’s face, to tell him everything was going to be alright. But he couldn’t, because he knew it wouldn’t be true.

“I didn’t want to make a choice.” Robert eventually confessed, his voice harsher than he had intended.

Robert could almost feel Aaron’s anger boiling up, after his words, huffing out an unamused laugh.  
Aaron’s voice was filled with anger and something which Robert could only explain as hurt, as Aaron hissed back: “And now you don’t have to make a choice. Now you have nothing.”

Robert’s hand grabbed the fabric of Aaron’s T-shirt, suddenly feeling hurt and betrayed. “You ruined everything,” Robert hissed, his voice low and dangerous, but he heard the light tremble in his own voice.

“So you keep saying,” Aaron answered, his voice suddenly lacking any emotion.

Aaron’s indifference made Robert’s blood boil. “I wish I never met you,” Robert snarled, his voice filled with unadulterated hate, his fingers digging in the fabric of Aaron’s T-shirt.

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us,” Aaron spat back, only inches from his face, before he pushed past Robert, knocking into his shoulder, which caused Robert to lose the grip he had on Aaron’s T-shirt.

Robert took a few steps to go after him, but tripped over something and lost his balance. He was certain he would fall on the ground and hit the wall with his head, a small cry escaping his lips, but suddenly Aaron’s hands came to rest on his body to stop him from falling over. Robert’s weight caused Aaron to collide with the wall behind him. It was only when Robert let his hands rest on Aaron’s shoulders to regain his balance, he realized how close they actually were.

xXx

Aaron had no idea what he was doing, why he wasn’t moving. Robert had been holding on to him, to regain his balance, but he was so close, Aaron could feel his warm breath on his face. And he wasn’t backing away.

Aaron was holding on to Robert, one hand resting on his chest, the other on his hip, just to stop him from falling over, but he couldn’t move away, psychically couldn’t, his body pressing painfully against the wall behind him.

His breathing was still erratic, the adrenaline still running high through his veins. Robert’s close presence made his body react, clouding his clear judgement in mere seconds.

He moved his thumb, not even an inch, slipping under the hem of Robert’s T-shirt to stroke at the skin that lay just underneath. He heard Robert take a deep intake of breath. Just this, the slightest brush of contact, made Aaron’s heart beat rapidly against his chest.

There was no moment of warning in the back of Aaron’s mind, no sudden instinct that told him what would happen. And before he could think to extricate himself from the situation, Robert leaned forward, brushing his lips against Aaron’s. As if Robert’s lips could find his on instinct, without having to see.

It was just a collusion of lips, nothing more. But Aaron realized he had missed those lips, pressed against his own. Those lips, which could swear, mutter and talk in hatred. Which could make him cry, laugh and unbelievably angry. Those lips could make him feel things he had never experienced before. He had never experienced any of the longing, the pain, the hurt, the love and the betrayal the last eight months, if it hadn’t been for Robert.

Shock and realization was what reeled Aaron back, horror drenching his veins in ice. What the hell was he even doing? He was supposed to hate Robert for what he had done to Katie and Paddy. To him. His mouth opened and closed around curses and apologies and a flush of what he knew was pure unadulterated want.

He wanted to walk away, he wanted to push Robert away and let him stand there, completely frozen. But Robert’s words stopped him, or more the hurt and sadness behind those words.

“I’m sorry,” Robert muttered. Aaron could feel his heart ache, as he heard the sincerity in Robert’s voice. As if he was apologizing for an instinct he couldn’t control, no matter how much he had tried in the last couple of days. Aaron had felt it too. Between all their bickering and fighting, there was still an attraction. And although they both knew there was so much standing between them, they also knew that attraction would always be there, would never waver.

If Aaron was completely honest he was totally exhausted trying to fight it, to fight Robert. Maybe for the first time in his life he could get what he wanted, without having to explain himself or defend himself to everyone involved in his life. To screw what anybody else thought or what he thought. He was tired of thinking, to rethink every little thing involving Robert. He just wanted to feel. To feel wanted, needed and above all, loved.

“I’m sorry. I never should’ve…. I’m sorry,” Robert muttered to his lips, still not moving, as if something was holding him in place.

Aaron was still not sure what he was doing, but something in his gut told him this was right, that it would feel right. His mind didn’t really register it, but his right hand moved to touch Robert’s cheek, turning his face towards his. What Aaron wouldn’t give to look in Robert’s eyes right now. Knowing that he couldn’t filled him with a great sadness. But warmth was radiating from Robert’s body and Aaron leaned forward into that heat, wanting to savor it.

“It’s okay,” he whispered softly.

And just like that, he kissed Robert back.

They just stayed like that, just lips touching, Aaron completely aware of everything and nothing at all at once.

The all-encompassing quiet between them, the burning lamp above their heads and the echo of people in the pub, were terrifying and comfortable at the same time. Robert’s hands which were resting on the side of his head, the hardness of the wall behind him, the soft skin where Robert’s lips were pressed against his own. Aaron’s eyes flickered open for a split second and he stared at Robert’s face. Robert had a deep frown on his forehead, like he couldn’t really understand what was happening. Aaron closed his eyes again, feeling like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to.

It was innocent, their kiss, it was fragile and soft and somehow something felt different this time, as if they needed to get to know each other again. That if they did this, they would cross an unspoken boundary.

But the feelings Robert’s lips awoke in him, were the same as they always had been. He felt like he was on fire, feelings burning his inside, setting his skin aflame.

Aaron pulled back, their lips still so close they were almost touching, unable to completely separate. It was just three seconds of a pause, one second of them breathing in each other’s breath and two seconds of Aaron rasping: “Okay?” before Robert moved back in, sealing his lips over Aaron’s, like he wanted to do this for the rest of forever.

It was a simple kiss, it was exploratory and timid and Robert’s lips moved over Aaron’s in a way that felt so good. Aaron kissed him back, fitting his lips around Robert’s lower lip as Robert did to his top lip.

It was a soft kiss. It was slow and cautious. It was a simple kiss. And then it was not.

Robert’s tongue swept along Aaron’s lower lip, smooth and wet. Suddenly Aaron had the taste of Robert in his mouth and some invisible dam burst between them. Aaron opened his mouth and from there it all went downhill.

Feeling Robert’s mouth on his, mix of gentle pressure and demanding exploration. Feeling Robert’s tongue sweep against his lower lip again, sliding into his mouth when Aaron’s opened up. Feeling Robert’s hands cradle his head, fingers carding through the hair at the nape of Aaron’s neck.

The moment Robert licked into Aaron’s mouth, tongue circling and running against the underside of his teeth, against Aaron’s own tongue, Aaron was completely blown by the taste and sensation. Robert’s mouth was wet and slick and searing and dizzying all at once. Aaron tangled his tongue with Robert’s with every intention of devouring it right out of his mouth.

And it felt so right. He tried to convey that feeling as much as possible, pulling Robert closer, eliminating any space between them. Robert swept his tongue alongside Aaron’s and Aaron copied Robert’s motions, recuperating each lick and sweep of lips against his lips.

Robert made a throaty noise and sighed right back into Aaron, open mouthed and Aaron trembled. They were breathing each other’s breath like there was simply not enough oxygen in this place for the both of them, consumed somewhere between meshed lips, swirling tongues and soft moans.

And Aaron’s heart was pounding, surely going to burst straight out of his chest. He knew that outside these very walls were a lot of people who wanted to prevent this very thing from happening, people who wanted to stop the way Robert dragged his mouth over Aaron’s, wanted to stop their tongues from tangling, their breaths from mingling, wanted to eradicate how Aaron’s hands took hold of Robert’s hips so he could pull him even closer. It only made it more exciting, more urgent.

He forgot to breathe, forgot his own name, forgot everything but the fact that if he didn’t have this moment right here, he might never get it again.

Robert seemed to feel his urgency, must’ve heard the footsteps and echoes of conversation from inside the pub, because he matched Aaron’s eagerness. Exhaled into Aaron’s mouth and moved against Aaron and held Aaron flush against his body, one hand sliding from Aaron’s hair to cup his jaw and tilting his head up, for better access. The other hand wrapping around Aaron’s waist where his T-shirt had ridden up. His fingers brushed over Aaron’s bare skin, making Aaron’s body shiver with longing.

They fought to keep oxygen from not being a necessity as long as they could, clinging like magnets, until Aaron was seeing stars from the lack of oxygen.

Still, Robert was the one who pulled back first.

The two of them stood there, gasping and Aaron couldn’t open his eyes with how much the room was spinning. He gulped down air, completely aware of Robert’s hands still resting on his body. Robert pulled his T- shirt back down into its rightful place.

Aaron scrambled to gather his thoughts, but it was turning out to be a lot harder than he had thought.

They leaned against each other’s forehead. Robert muttered softly against his lips: “Sorry, got a bit carried away.”

Aaron shook his head in disbelieve because it had been Aaron who had lost his self-control like that. Aaron slowly opened his eyes. He gazed up at Robert’s face. Robert was frowning again, and in that moment Aaron wondered not for the first time, what was going on in Robert’s mind.

But there was a delicious taste in his mouth and Robert’s hair was ruffled up, which made Aaron wonder when he had run his hands through it.

But it sure wasn’t something he wanted Robert to feel sorry for.

“It’s okay,” was all Aaron said. It seemed like that was all Aaron had been able to say for the last five minutes.

And Robert got that look on his face again, as if he couldn’t really believe Aaron was there. But Aaron didn’t get much time to turn that thought over in his head, because they heard a key in the lock of the back door. Robert stepped back at once, his hands falling from Aaron’s body. Aaron had just enough time to take a step side wards, before the front door opened and Diane and Doug stepped inside.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it feels like I'm repeating myself, but I just really want to thank you all for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!

A few days had passed. Aaron hadn’t been home much, spending most of his time with his mom or working at the garage. If Robert hadn’t known better, he would’ve started to think Aaron was avoiding him. Diane was looking after him now most of the time. He knew she meant well but she was driving him totally crazy. He couldn’t do or touch anything without her interfering. Aaron had done the same, but Aaron had also let him do things on his own, had even encouraged him to do so. She treated him like he was an invalid, concern hearable in her voice every time she spoke to him, like he could break any moment. He knew she was going through a difficult time, with her sister who died in the crash and her own recovering health. He knew she had had a concussion and had had to lay in bed for days. She was doing a lot better now and she had told him she was happy she could help and look after him. He knew he was a distraction from the death of her sister and she cared for him, he knew that. He just sometimes wished she would care a little less.

He had tried to call Chrissie several times, but all his calls went straight to voicemail. He had had to ask Diane for help, because he hadn’t figured out yet how to use his phone on his own. She had been hesitant to help him at first and that had been the only time he had snapped at her. Not that it had mattered, Chrissie hadn’t returned any of his calls.

When he came down, the third day after Aaron and he had kissed and Diane had returned home from the hospital, he could smell bacon and eggs coming from the kitchen. Before he entered he plastered a smile on his face, while he didn’t really feel happy, more the opposite really. Especially after what had happened yesterday. He hadn’t really slept last night, but he didn’t want to bother Diane with it, he didn’t want her to worry any more than she already did.

He walked towards the kitchen table, without walking into anything. He knew his way around the house now, knew where he could trip if he didn’t pay enough attention, knew where he left stuff and where most things stood in the kitchen. He still needed help with some things, but he could look after himself reasonably well now.

He felt for a chair and pulled it backwards, sitting himself down at the table.

“Robert! What did I tell you? Just call me when you want to go down the stairs. You know how dangerous it can be,” Diane reprimanded when she noticed him.

“Good morning to you too,” Robert answered, trying to sound cheerful, but really wanting to roll his eyes. “How are you this morning?”

“Don’t mock me, Robert. I’m deadly serious,” she answered in all earnest.

“Don’t I know it,” Robert muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” He heard Diane ask, skeptical.

“Nothing,” Robert hurried to say.

He could almost feel Diane’s eyes on him for a moment. But apparently she made the decision to let it slide, because eventually she just asked: “You want some bacon and eggs then?”

“No thanks. I’ll just have some cereal,” Robert answered, not really feeling like eating bacon and eggs in the morning.

“I made it especially for you.” He heard the slight hurtful tone in Diane’s voice and suddenly felt bad for saying no. He knew she only meant well.

“I’m sorry Diane,” Robert replied sincerely.

“Aaron, love, you want some more?” Diane asked.

Robert’s body tensed up by the mention of Aaron’s name.

“Yeah. Thanks Diane.” Robert heard Aaron reply. Robert’s heart skipped a beat before it started pounding rapidly against his chest when his mind realized Aaron was really sitting right in front of him.

“You’re home,” Robert blurted out before he could stop himself, completely surprised Aaron was there.

“I do live here you know,” Aaron answered casually.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Robert answered, growling low in his throat.

Aaron huffed out a laugh and Robert would’ve sworn Aaron had opened his mouth to reply.

“Here you go, Aaron,” Diane interrupted, before Aaron had the change the answer.

“Ta,” Aaron said, before digging in again.

“You want some coffee with your cereal, Rob?” Diane asked. He could hear her moving back towards the kitchen.

“Yes, thank you,” Robert replied, before he moved his attention back to Aaron.

“I thought you had to work,” Robert continued sarcastically as if Diane hadn’t interrupted them, his voice more accusing then he wanted it to.

“It’s Saturday,” Aaron replied, as if that would answer Robert’s question.

“And you don’t work on Saturdays? Because you seem to work every other day,” Robert answered accusingly.

“Is this your lame attempt at a joke?” Aaron asked, amusement covering his voice: “Because if it is, maybe you should stop, because you’re terrible at it.”

Robert just shrugged his shoulders, but he was almost certain Aaron was smiling, which made him sulk even more.

His mind wandered off to the moment in the hallway. He still didn’t know why he had kissed Aaron in the first place. Maybe it had been his close presence, maybe it had been some kind of obvious force which always drew him towards Aaron. Either way he hadn’t intended to kiss Aaron, but the moment he had, it had felt like coming home. His heart had burst from happiness and for a moment he could see all those bright colors in front of his eyelids. He had felt Aaron’s urgency and he’d felt the same way. He had known that he maybe would never get the change to kiss Aaron again, that Aaron wouldn’t let him close again after he had come back to his senses.

He still didn’t know what had reeled him back at the end, why he had stopped. Yes they had needed oxygen, but that had never stopped them before. But when he had stopped it felt like something had changed between them, that they had crossed some kind of boundary. He still couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but somehow that kiss had felt different from all the other ones they had shared.

“So what did the doctor say?” Aaron’s voice reeled Robert back from his thoughts.

Robert sat completely still for a moment, his throat locked up and he wasn’t able to speak. Strong emotions raise up in his chest, asking for a way out. He clenched his jaw and inhaled sharply through his nose to keep his emotions at bay. He didn’t want to talk about it. If he would, he didn’t know if he was able to keep his emotions under control. He had been to the hospital yesterday with Victoria. Aaron hadn’t been home so in the end he had to ask Diane to call his sister to take him. He was still angry and hurt that Aaron hadn’t even taken the time to let him know he wasn’t coming. So now he didn’t really feel like he owned Aaron an explanation.

“You didn’t really seem to care yesterday, so why the sudden interest?” Robert therefore asked, even with him trying to keep his emotions under control, he wasn’t able to keep the hurt completely out his voice.

“Robert! He is just asking how it went. No need to be so snappy,” Diane reprimanded him, putting something in front of him.

“It’s fine. If he doesn’t want to talk about it…” Aaron replied and Robert could almost feel his eyes on him. Aaron’s indifferent tone made Robert’s anger boil over.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Robert clarified, his tone harsh. He knew it was unfair to take his anger out on Aaron, but somehow he couldn’t stop himself.

“Robert!” Diane cried out.

“What?” Robert snapped: “He wasn’t interested yesterday. He couldn’t even be bothered to let me know he wasn’t coming.”

Aaron huffed, before he said, his voice also filled with anger now: “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was almost home when my mom called, asking me to come by. Didn’t really have an excuse to say no, did I? With her not knowing you’re staying here, and all. And I can’t really call you when I’m with her.”

Robert felt guilty the moment Aaron was done speaking, knowing he had been unfair to snap at Aaron in the first place. So he sighed heavily and said: “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe you should tell your mom Robert’s staying here,” Diane put forward, after a second of silence.

It stayed quite for a moment and Robert started to wonder what was going on. It were these moments he hated the most. The moments he couldn’t see what was happening, but there was no one to tell him what was going on. These moments left him unnerved and made him even more aware how much he had relied on his sight.

“Alright, I’m going to take a shower. Don’t try to kill each other while I’m gone,” Diane finally said in a voice Robert couldn’t quite place, before Robert heard her footsteps moving away from him and Aaron.

Robert frowned his forehead in confusion and asked: “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Aaron stated curtly, before his tone changed slightly and continued: “So what did the doctor say?”

Robert's frown deepened, irritation growing because he felt he missed something. But not willing to kill the mood again, he opted to just let it go for now. He knew he would get Aaron to tell him what was going on at some point.

He sighed, moving a hand over his face, feeling the bandages still covering his eyes: “I need to change the bandages every day now, so the wound can heal properly. I’ve got other material now, some kind of salve. We picked it up on the way home, and some new bandages. He said it looked better than before.”

“Right,” Aaron replied after a short second: “And did he say anything about how long...” Robert heard the hesitation in Aaron’s voice, when he talked on: “Well, you know…”

“No,” Robert answered, sadness and pain washing over him. “He said it’s different with every patient. Some people get their sight back in days, some never…” Robert’s voice wavered and he was unable to speak for a moment. The moment the doctor had told him there might be a slight change he might never get his sight back, had been terrible. It had felt like he had been knocked sideways, he hadn’t been able to speak for a long while, feeling like his world had just come crashing down around him. The only thing he had heard was the blood rushing in his ears, not aware of anyone or anything at all, until Victoria had put a hand on his arm and had pulled him back to reality.

He hadn’t been able to sleep all night, thinking about what to do with his life if he would never be able to see again. Those thoughts had tightened his chest, had lurched at his heart and had left a sour taste in his mouth. And even though it had had time to let it sank in all night, right now it was still hard for Robert to deal with, to comprehend. He had to take a deep breath before he could continue, his voice trembling lightly. “He said there might be a change I never get my sight back. So that means no job, no driving, no holidays, nothing. I’ll be sitting here all day, listening to stupid daytime programs, waiting for someone to make me diner. Not being able to read, or write, to cook or to walk. Never see the sun set or rise. Never seeing y-,” Robert could just stop himself, before he said something unbelievable stupid, something Aaron probably didn’t want to hear. He buried his head in his hands, moving them through his hair. “How can I live, when I can’t see a thing?”

He heard the scraping of a chair and a hand on his lower arm, pulling his arm down on the table. Robert felt Aaron grabbing his hand with his own, the pressure increasing as Aaron held onto it. Aaron’s voice sounded tight, almost panicked and indescribable pained when he spoke: “Don’t you dare say that, Robert! Don’t you dare! Not after everything. I’m not gonna let it happen, alright. You’re gonna be fine. You are _not_ going to leave me, you hear me?!”

Robert sat still after Aaron’s hastily spoken words, until the meaning of Aaron’s words sank in. He covered Aaron’s hand with the one Aaron’s wasn’t holding on to. Suddenly understanding what he had just said. Trying to reassure Aaron he said urgently, but honestly: “I won’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not gonna put you through that again. Not if I have anything to say about that. I don’t wanna hurt you Aaron.”

He heard Aaron taking a shuddering breath, before he pulled his hand out of Robert’s grip. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there,” Aaron said after a moment, his voice flat.

Robert let the air he had been holding go, glad for the slight change of subject. “Yeah well, can’t really blame you, can I,” Robert answered more calmly than he was feeling. He still felt stupid he actually said that to Aaron, knowing where he had been through. He had a feeling he needed to change the mood, the atmosphere still heavy with unspoken words. “Anyway, you can make it up to me,” Robert heard himself say.

Aaron breathed out in relieve, apparently just as happy with the change of subject as Robert, before he said: “Fine, whatdaya want?”

“Walk with me tonight,” Robert replied, saying the first thing that came up in his mind. He wanted to growl out loud when he realized what he had said, but he couldn’t take it back anymore.

“What?” Aaron asked incredulous, as if he needed to know if he had heard him right.

“Walk with me tonight,” Robert repeated, trying to make his voice sound confident, but even he heard the insecurity seeping through his voice.

“You hated it when we walked the last time,” Aaron pointed out.

“No I didn’t,” Robert stated, trying to find words which would change Aaron’s mind. “I just… I didn’t really feel comfortable the first time. I don’t like people staring at me. But after that incident in the pub I think I can handle it.” Maybe he wasn’t totally sure he would be able to handle it, but he wasn’t backing out now, so he continued: “And it’s not like there’s anybody left in the village who doesn’t know I’ve gone blind.”

“Except for my mom,” Aaron said quietly.

“You haven’t told her anything?” Robert inquired after a moment, searching for his spoon with his hand, until Aaron touched his hand and gave it to him. He muttered a thanks and took a mouthful of cereal.

“Just want to postpone the argument as much as I can,” Aaron confessed, picking up their conversation as if nothing had happened, which made Robert realize how much he had missed Aaron’s way of handling him and his blindness.

Robert huffed out a laugh: “Can’t really blame you.”

“Yeah well…” Aaron mumbled, but Robert heard the light amusement in his voice.

“Maybe Diane is right though. You’re gonna need to tell her, before anybody else lets it slip. Knowing this village, it’s a wonder nobody already did,” Robert noted, before taking another mouthful of cereal. He didn’t want Chas to know himself, in fact he wished she could leave him and Aaron well alone. But he also knew that if Aaron didn’t tell her himself, it would only get nastier in the end.

“I know. I just wanna do it in my own time, not because someone tells me to,” Aaron admitted.

Robert considered that for a moment. ““Alright, fair enough,” Robert replied calmly.

“Seriously? You’re not gonna argue with me on this?” Aaron asked, the disbelieve visible in his voice, but Robert could also hear the light amusement.

“I don’t always wanna fight with you Aaron. Besides it’s not my mother. You should do what you think is best,” Robert answered honestly.

“Seriously, who are you and what have you done with Robert?”

“Shut up,” Robert answered, but he chuckled softly.

Robert heard the smile in Aaron’s voice when Aaron spoke again: “Just eat your breakfast, I’ll get you under the shower when you’re done.”

Robert laughed out loud after Aaron’s words. “And what are you gonna do with me then?” he asked suggestively.

“Shut up, Robert,” Aaron replied, using Robert’s words, but his tone was lighthearted. “I’ll find you some clean clothes. Come upstairs after you’re done.” He could hear Aaron standing up from his chair.

“We are gonna walk tonight right?” Robert asked, before Aaron could disappear upstairs.

It stayed quiet as if Aaron considered Robert for a moment. “You sure?”

“Wouldn’t be asking otherwise,” Robert replied.

“Alright. But there’s no way out anymore, you know that right?”

“Who says I want to?” Robert asked, a smile tucking at his lips.

“Fine. Be up in ten,” was the only thing Aaron said, but Robert could hear the laugh in his voice.

Aaron’s footsteps faded and Robert was left alone. He ate his breakfast in silence, shaking his head ever so often, the smile still around his lips.


	9. Chapter 9

“So it’s Val’s funeral tomorrow,” Aaron stated quietly.

“Yeah, I know,” Robert answered, sighing weary. They were walking outside as Aaron had promised that morning, walking next to each other, Aaron’s hand resting in Robert’s. It was past ten, so it should be dark outside now, although Robert wasn’t able to see any of that. Robert pushed that thought away immediately. He didn’t want to think about that now, that was all he had been thinking about since the moment he had heard he might never get his sight back. It made him feel things, he wasn’t ready to feel yet. He wasn’t ready to cope. 

It was quiet outside. They had been walking for ten minutes and they hadn’t bumped into anyone yet. Robert knew Diane or Victoria would eventually want to talk to him about going to Val’s funeral in a few days and Robert had been dreading the moment someone would bring it up. Apparently that moment had arrived, but as surprised he was, Aaron was the one bringing it up, it didn’t make Robert want to have that conversation. 

“So, are you planning on going?” Aaron asked eventually, when it became obvious to him that Robert wouldn’t continue speaking. 

“Don’t know yet,” Robert answered honestly. 

“Maybe you should go. You know, for Diane,” Aaron continued, the hesitation visible in his voice.

“I know. I just don’t know if I’m ready to face everyone yet,” Robert admitted. 

“Well technically, you don’t have to face them, do you? Not really,” Aaron joked, half-heartedly.

Robert laughed sarcastically: “Haha, funny.”

Aaron just hummed, before he spoke on: “I could go with you if you want.”

Robert frowned his forehead, not really sure what he should think about Aaron’s offer. He really didn’t want to go to the funeral, but he knew he would let Diane down if he didn’t go and now he felt like he couldn’t really say no to Aaron’s offer. Eventually he just said: “I’ll think about it.”

Willing to change the subject he asked Aaron something he had wanted to know all day long: “So what happened between you and Diane?”

“I don’t know where you’re talking about,” Aaron replied, suddenly sounding defensive.

“Don’t ya?”

Aaron sighed heavily. “Why the sudden interest?”

“Well, the air between you two seemed a bit tense this morning.” 

“Don’t know what you mean,” Aaron stated.

Now it was Robert’s turn to sigh. “Fine. But if you ever wanna talk about it…”

Aaron took a deep breath again, before he said: “We talked about you and she wondered if it wouldn’t be better for me and you, if I moved in with Paddy and my mom. I told her no.”

Robert would have stopped walking if Aaron hadn’t pulled him along by his hand. He didn’t know what he should say after Aaron’s admission. But his heart blossomed with warmth when he realized Aaron hadn’t jumped at the chance to leave him in the caring hands of somebody else. 

“Why? I mean, you said-” Robert started.

“I know what I said, Robert. But I promised Vic didn’t I?” Aaron interrupted, his voice low, as if he wished Robert would stop going on about it.

Robert just hummed in agreement, not wanting to push it. 

The air between them felt tense, unspoken words filling the silence like it had been doing since the moment Robert had moved into the pub. 

“Doesn’t explain why she suddenly left to take a shower, though,” Robert commented, trying to fill the strained silence.

“Why can you never let anything go?” Aaron growled. 

“I just want to understand, I don’t want things to get tense between you and Diane because of me,” Robert replied honestly. 

Aaron huffed: “Since when do you care about anything but yourself?”

“Oh come on Aaron, not this again. You know I care.”

Aaron didn’t react and a part of Robert was almost disappointed because maybe it would have finally led to some revelation, which had been hanging in the air between them for so long. But for the most part Robert was glad, because he was afraid where their argument would’ve let to. 

“We argued about my mom. Like I told you this morning I want to be the one to tell her, on my own time. She told me I should tell her as soon as possible. I told her to back off,” Aaron continued, as if Robert hadn’t said anything about caring. 

“You told Diane to back off,” Robert repeated, incredulous.

“I was mad,” Aaron commented, sounding defensive. 

“You don’t need to defend yourself to me,” Robert answered hurriedly. 

“I don’t need to defend myself to anyone. It’s not like anything is going on between us anymore,” Aaron stated firmly. 

Robert frowned his forehead, Aaron’s words hurting him more than he was willing to admit. “No. No you’re right, except for that one-“

“Mistake,” Aaron jumped in, sounding inscrutable. 

Robert bit his lower lip, to stop himself from forming the words that it had meant so much more to him than it probably had meant to Aaron. “Yeah right,” Robert replied quietly. 

Silence dawned on them as they walked on. It was strange and still a bit uncomfortable to have Aaron holding his hand. He still had a hard time dealing with what people might think. About him, about walking hand in hand with a guy. So he told himself it was only for helping him walk, it was not like he was secretly enjoying himself. It was not like he was enjoying Aaron’s warm hand in his own, enjoying the feeling of Aaron’s skin against his own. 

Suddenly he was pulled to the left by Aaron’s hand and he half stumbled after him. “Aaron, what the hell!” Robert called out. 

“Pool of water,” Aaron commented nonchalant, but Robert heard the light amusement in his voice. 

“Thanks for the warning,” Robert answered sarcastic, but he could feel the apprehension and surprise fade away and a smile tucked at his lips. 

“Sorry, wasn’t paying attention,” Aaron stated, dryly.

Robert shook his head in amusement. “How do I put up with you?” He asked teasingly.

“Don’t know,” Aaron replied, his tone light. 

“I would’ve thought you would let me walk right into it,” Robert said, joking.

“Why would I wanna do that?” Aaron asked innocently. 

“You are not to be trusted, Aaron,” Robert teased, his voice filled with amusement.

“Hm, you wanna walk alone then? Because that’s fine by me,” Aaron said, quasi-annoyed, but Robert heard the amusement in his voice.

Robert unconsciously tightened his grip on Aaron’s hand and mumbled: “No. No, I’m good.”

“You sure? Because I don’t mind if you want to,” Aaron continued in the same voice. 

“I can’t. You know I can’t,” Robert said, feeling the sadness and agitation grow in his chest.

“Yeah and I feel very sorry for you,” Aaron answered sarcastically. 

Robert huffed out a laugh. Aaron was the only one who could say that to him and make him feel better instead of worse. “I feel like an old man, most of the time,” Robert confessed. 

“Yeah, you’re acting like one too,” Aaron replied casually, but Robert could hear the laugh in his voice, which brought back his good mood.

“Oh yeah? How did you work that one out?” Robert asked, a smile around his lips. 

“You’re always complaining about everything and everyone. And you’ve got a nurse looking after you,” Aaron joked: “Who you are groping every chance you get.”

“I am not-” Robert started offended, until he realized Aaron was only messing with him. 

“Funny. Thought about that all by yourself, did you?” Robert fired back, amusement covering his voice. 

“You know me mate, always prepared.”

Robert shook his head in amusement, but didn’t comment. 

“Maybe we should get you one of those sticks blind people use,” Aaron continued. 

“Aaron. Shut up,” Robert warned, but it was halfheartedly. 

“What? You won’t walk into every object,” Aaron said teasingly.

“Yeah and I can use it every time you’re annoying,” Robert shot back.

Aaron laughed softly at that, which made Robert grin even wider. “We should get you one of those dark sunglasses. I bet they would make you look like one of those bad guys from a TV show,” Aaron joked. 

“Yes, one with a blind cane.” They started laughing. Robert’s laugh started deep in his chest, the joy overtaking him. He hadn’t laughed like this in ages, couldn’t even remember the last time. But it felt unbelievably good. Aaron’s laugh rang in his ears. The sound filled his whole body with content happiness and his heart burst with joy. They bumped into each other’s shoulders as they laughed, Aaron’s hand gripping Robert’s hand more tightly. 

Suddenly Aaron stopped laughing so abruptly, Robert‘s own laughter faltered only seconds after. 

“Shit,” Aaron hissed under his breath, but Robert was still able to hear him.

“What? What’s wrong?” Robert asked worried. 

“Paddy,” Was all Aaron said.

Robert’s footsteps wavered for a moment, before he started walking again, pulling Aaron with him, although he wasn’t sure what he was even doing or where he was walking towards. “So let’s walk the other way,” he commented. He felt the annoyance and the worry grow in his chest, when Aaron stopped walking and replied: “It’s too late, he’s already seen us.”

xXx

The moment Aaron laid eyes on Paddy, he knew the confrontation he had been dreading would finally come. So maybe he hadn’t been totally honest when he had said that his mom was the only one who didn’t know Robert was staying in the pub. Maybe he hadn’t told Paddy either. He knew it was partly cowardly from him to keep the truth from them, but a part of it was also self-protection. He knew how they would react on the news, he knew they would try to talk him out of it and he also knew they were right. He was out of his mind to look after the man who tried to kill Paddy and had held him at gunpoint. He knew he should hate Robert for what he had done and he had. But somehow having Robert around him day in day out, had made that hate fade away and had turned it into something different. Something Aaron couldn’t quite put under words yet. 

And it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, because Robert only depended on him, needed him, he didn’t crave him or wanted him, or maybe he did, but that wasn’t what this was about. Especially in the beginning Robert had been dependent on him, needed his help with almost everything. Robert had gotten better in handling himself the last couple of days, but Aaron knew Robert would need daily care his whole life if his sight would never return. Cold shivers ran down Aaron’s back, knowing now there was a possibility Robert would never get his sight back, could never enjoy the beautiful things in life cause he wouldn’t be able to see them. 

And okay, maybe he shouldn’t have kissed Robert, but as he had told Robert, it had been a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened. And it wasn’t like Paddy or Chas knew they had kissed and he damn sure wasn’t going to tell them. 

He waited for Paddy to reach them, looking on when Paddy crossed the street towards them. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. He was willing to let go of Robert’s hand, but Robert was holding on to it so tightly, Aaron couldn’t pull his hand free. 

Aaron looked up at Robert. Robert’s mouth was a thin line and his jaw was clenched as if he’d to stop himself from saying something hateful. 

“Aaron,” Paddy said, and Aaron’s eyes wavered back to Paddy, catching Paddy’s worried eyes with his own. He had a lump in his throat and had no idea what he should say. 

“What are you doing?” Paddy asked, his eyes moving from Aaron to Robert and back. 

“We’re just walking Paddy. It’s fine,” He replied, trying to keep his voice even. He begged Paddy with his eyes not to go on about it, but apparently Paddy missed it or ignored his silent plea. His eyes wavered to their intertwined hands. 

“Aaron, can I have a word?” His eyes wavered to Robert again and he added: “Alone?”

“Fine,” Aaron sighed weary and Paddy turned around and walked a few feet further away, waiting there for him.

Aaron sighed silently, his eyes resting on Paddy for a moment before he returned his attention back to Robert, who was still holding his hand tightly. “Robert, just wait here, alright,” Aaron just said. 

He wanted to detangle his hand from Robert’s, but Robert tucked at his hand and he was pulled into Robert’s personal space, where he looked up to Robert’s face, his hand on Robert’s chest, just to create some visible distance between them. 

“What?” Aaron asked quietly, his eyes wavering over Robert’s face. 

“I don’t think this is such a good idea,” Robert mumbled softly, the edges of his mouth were pulled downwards. 

“This morning you said that I should tell them and now you’re backing out. How surprising,” Aaron answered sarcastically. 

“I know what I said. I just pictured it a little differently,” Robert replied, nothing in his tone betraying he was even a bit upset by Aaron’s sarcastic tone. 

“Well it’s not like he is gonna say anything that I don’t already know,” Aaron answered truthfully. 

There appeared a frown on Robert’s forehead after Aaron’s words and not for the first time Aaron wondered what Robert was thinking. 

“Fine, just… come back alright,” Robert replied, the insecurity tangible in his voice. 

Aaron could only stare at Robert’s face for a couple of seconds, not really believing those words had actually left Robert’s lips, before he squeezed Robert’s hand and walked towards Paddy, who was waiting for him a couple feet further away, out of Robert’s ear shot. 

“What are you doing, Aaron?” Paddy asked again, once Aaron reached him. 

Aaron sighed deeply, knowing the moment was there to tell Paddy what was going on. “I’m looking after him, he’s staying at the pub at the moment. With me.” Paddy’s eyes became big from shock and surprise after Aaron’s admission, so Aaron talked on hurriedly: “Have you looked at him? He can’t see anything, he’s blind. I’m trying to help him. He needs help.”

“I can see that, but does it have to be you who is helping him? After everything he’s done to you,” Paddy said, his eyes wavering to Robert again. Aaron followed his gaze and his eyes came to rest on Robert. At first sight, it looked like Robert was totally calm and relaxed. But Aaron knew Robert better than anyone and he noticed Robert was still standing on the same place Aaron had left him, his hands in his pocket and his shoulders tensed. When he answered Paddy, his eyes were still resting on Robert. “Don’t you think I know that? I’m not stupid Paddy. I know what I’m doing.”

The sound of Paddy’s voice made him tear his gaze away from Robert and he looked at Paddy again. “Do you? Aaron, the last time you got mixed up with him, you ended up with a gun pointed at you.”

Aaron didn’t answer, but just glared at Paddy, knowing deep down Paddy was right. 

“He shot me, Aaron,” Paddy continued: “You should stay as far away from him as you possibly can.”

Aaron took a shuddering breath when the night in the lodge came back to life. His hands clenched into fists and his heart beat rapidly against his chest, thinking back at that terrible night. “I know. I know what he did and I can’t say I’ve forgiven him, but he needs help. And I can’t just stand back and watch when he struggles with every goddamn thing he does. I just can’t.”

Aaron could feel the tears burning in his eyes and he had to take a deep breath to stop his body from shaking. Paddy was looking at him with so much concern in his eyes that Aaron had to look away. 

“Aaron…” Paddy said and Aaron looked back up at him. He could see the love and the worry for him in his eyes. “Do you still love him?”

Aaron buried his hands in his pockets and looked up at the sky as if the answer would be written there, before he looked back to the ground. “I don’t know,” he mumbled honestly, his voice broken, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I wish I knew. Everything is so messed up. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I’m wrecked. Every time I look at him I have all these mixed emotions and I don’t know what to do.” Aaron took another trembling breath, tears falling from his eyes now, all the well-hid feelings breaking free at once. 

Paddy’s voice was urgent when he spoke again: “Come stay with me and your mum. Rhona won’t mind. Just till you can move on from him. Just till you’re back on your feet again.” 

Aaron shook his head, moving his hands to wipe the tears from his face. “You don’t understand, Paddy. I can’t. I can’t leave him on his own.” 

“You can’t do this to yourself Aaron. I won’t watch you self-destruct again. There are other people who can look after him,” Paddy insisted.

Aaron shook his head, suddenly feeling worn out. “Diane is there now, but she doesn’t understand, not really.” Aaron took a shuddering breath, before he continued: “I’m the only one who understands him, knows what he’s going through.” He took another intake of breath. “I’ll just look after him, until he gets his sight back. Then he’s on his own again.” He didn’t know if his words were true. And he didn’t tell Paddy there might be a small change Robert might never get his sight back. But he needed Paddy to understand that he was trying to do the right thing here, that he was trying to help. 

Paddy looked hopelessly at him, lost for words, a deep frown on his forehead. He noticed Paddy had to swallow hard before he could speak: “If anything goes wrong or you feel like you can’t take it anymore, you come and find me, alright?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah alright,” he replied in a small voice. 

Paddy gave him another long look before he reached forwards and wrapped his arms around Aaron. Aaron hugged him back tightly. “Thank you,” Aaron mumbled softly. 

Paddy pulled back and looked at him again. “Just be careful.”

Aaron just nodded before he said: “Just don’t tell my mom. I want to be the one to tell her.”

“Alright. Fine,” Paddy’s gaze wavered over his face one more time. “Just look after yourself Aaron. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Aaron nodded again, moving his hands over his eyes one more time, before he turned around and walked back to Robert. 

When he reached him he touched Robert’s arm to let him know he was there. Robert seemed to know it was him, because he said: “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go back,” he tried to keep his voice neutral, but even he heard the light tremble in his voice. Thankfully Robert didn’t push and kept his mouth shut as Aaron’s grabbed Robert by his hand and pulled him back towards the pub. They were silent the whole way there, but Aaron held Robert’s hand in a death grip the whole way back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!!

“You’re telling me there were really half naked man there. And I’ve got to believe that?” 

Robert laughed softly, his hand resting in Aaron’s as they made their way back from Val’s funeral. The funeral had been extravagant just like Val had been. Robert hadn’t been able to see any of it, but heard everything first hand from Aaron, who had been by his side almost the whole time. Only when Victoria had come to him, Aaron had left to talk to Adam for a moment, but he’d returned three minutes later. 

They were both wearing suits, Aaron had had to help Robert with tying his tie that morning. For the first time Robert hadn’t minded so much that he had needed help, not when it meant having Aaron close by and being able to smell his aftershave. Aaron’s hands on his body, feeling the warmth of his fingers through his shirt. 

“I’m telling ya. It’s true,” Aaron answered. 

“I can’t believe it.” Robert thought for a moment, before he said: “Or maybe I can, it being Val and all.” 

They both laughed as Aaron opened the backdoor to the pub. Robert felt Aaron’s hand on his lower back, guiding him through the door. Robert waited for Aaron to close the door.

“I bet you liked it, didn’t ya,” Robert teased, now standing in the hallway, turning towards Aaron.

“You don’t hear me complaining,” Aaron answered cheekily. 

“Of course not, you dirty little grease monkey,” Robert commented jokingly, knocking against Aaron’s shoulder. 

Aaron laughed softly. “Shut up.” Robert felt Aaron’s hand on his lower back again, his fingers burning holes through his suit jacket and shirt, into his skin. They walked through the door and in that exact moment he could feel Aaron tense up beside him, his hand falling from Robert’s back. 

“You better have a damn good explanation for this, love,” someone said. Robert knew immediately who it was by the sound of their voice. 

“Mom,” Aaron’s voice was low and all his earlier joy had left his tone. Robert could only hear the unease and guilt, just like yesterday when they had walked into Paddy. Robert still wondered where they had talked about, as he had sensed Aaron had been pretty upset when he had come back to him, but he could almost guess where it had been about. 

“I can’t believe you let him stay here and you didn’t tell me,” Chas said accusingly. Robert could feel the annoyance grow in his chest by the sound of her voice alone. He really disliked Chas, not only because she disliked him just as much, but also because the way she treated Aaron when it concerned them both. 

“Paddy told you,” Aaron said, he sounded weary and Robert could fully understand what Aaron must be feeling right now.

“Of course he told me!” Chas replied heated. Robert suddenly noticed her voice came from way lower than it normally did and he realized she was probably still in a wheelchair, because she had a fractured leg. 

“You dragged it out him more like,” Aaron snapped. 

“It doesn’t matter how I found out, I can’t believe you let him stay here, after everything he did to ya!” Chas replied angrily. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it now,” Aaron answered harshly, but Robert could sense his insecurity, which rippled through his chest and made his heart sink.

“Well I do. He needs to leave. Now!” Chas snapped.

“I’m standing right here, you know. I’m not deaf,” Robert commented annoyed, fed up with Chas’ constant bitching about him leaving.

“I don’t care what you can and cannot hear. You are a cheating, lying, little scumbag, who does nothing but use people. I don’t want you anywhere near my son,” Chas hissed fiercely. 

“Mom,” Aaron begged, Robert’s heart lurched at the sound of Aaron’s voice, but his temper was getting the better of him. He clenched his jaw just to stop himself from lashing out. 

“You should have died in that explosion, for all that I care. You deserved everything that happened to you. I hope you never get your sight back,” Chas snarled foul.

She hit him just were it hurt and Robert saw red. Before he could stop himself, he snarled: “Don’t pretend like you are any better than I am. You didn’t even want him as a son and now you’re pretending like you’re oh so concerned about him. Do you know how unconvincing that makes you?!”

“Robert-” Robert heard the warning tone in Aaron’s voice, but he wasn’t thinking straight anymore, an all conserving anger clouding his judgement. 

“Why’d you think he didn’t tell you? Because he knew you would be this insensitive. As you’ll always will be when it comes to him. You are a pathetic excuse for a mother. Telling yourself you’re protecting your son, but all you’re doing is belittling him. You’re not protecting him, you’re suffocating him. He’s a grown-up man, for God’s sake!”

“Robert back off,” Aaron warned, his voice a low hiss. 

Now Robert’s attention was turned towards Aaron and he snarled: “Oh, did I hurt your precious feelings Aaron? You know I’m right, you’re just too scared to admit it, afraid you’ll hurt you’re mommy’s little feelings. You’re pathetic.”

“Get out,” Aaron snarled, his voice harsh. Robert opened and closed his mouth, before he clenched his jaw, his mouth a thin line. 

“I mean it Robert. Get out,” Aaron repeated, his voice filled with anger. 

Robert noticed his hands were clenched into fists and his breathing was accelerated. His throat tightened after Aaron’s words, suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe, feeling like he needed air. Knowing there was nothing left to say, he turned around and left the room, disappearing into the darkness of the outside world. 

xXx

Robert didn’t know how long he had been standing against the cold wall of the pub. He had lost all track of time. The constant blindness made his head spin and when he moved, he knew he had been standing too long in the same position. He needed to apologize to Aaron. He knew he needed to apologize. He just didn’t know how. He had turned it over and over in his head what he could say to Aaron to make it okay again, but every excuse he thought off, seemed wrong or out of place. He’d overstepped the mark. Again. 

He moved his hands over his face and leaned with his head against the wall. He hadn’t meant to say all those things, he never did. But sometimes people just infuriated him, they said the wrong things, which made him lash out. 

Suddenly he heard the opening of the back door to the pub. Footsteps wavered a moment later and Robert knew it was Aaron, looking at him. He could feel Aaron invading his personal space, he was so close, Robert could feel his body heat. His body reacted immediately, breath hitching, heart pounding. Aaron’s voice was dangerously low when he spoke: “You’ll be gone, next thing tomorrow morning. You understand?” Robert could hear the pure anger and disgust in Aaron’s voice and it made his body freeze to its place, making it impossible for his voice to work. 

With that, Aaron took a step back, giving Robert room to breathe again. He disappeared again into the pub, leaving Robert on his own. Robert’s stomach made a nauseating twirl, realizing what he had just done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter isn't really long, but I'm already working on the next chapter and should be able to finish it in a day or two!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading my story and leaving kudos. And thank you for all the comments, it's great to know people are really liking this story :) Anyway, here's the new chapter as promised! Enjoy!

Robert was sitting on the couch, waiting. He knew he’d messed up yesterday, he knew he had said things he probably shouldn’t have said. Aaron had every right to be angry at him, but he wasn’t going to leave without a fight. He was sitting in the same spot for nearly an hour now, thinking and rethinking what he should say to Aaron. He heard footsteps on the stairs and took a deep intake of breath, his heart beating rapidly against his chest when they reached the end of the stairs. He knew it was Aaron, because Diane was already at work in the pub. He could hear Aaron’s footsteps waver in the doorway before he walked on. “You’re still here,” Aaron commented annoyed, when he walked past Robert to the kitchen. 

“I wanted to wait for you,” Robert answered honestly. 

“I have nothing to say to you, mate. So get out,” Aaron replied, the anger dripping through his voice. 

“Fine, I’ll go, if you answer one question,” Robert stated.

“I’m done talking to you,” Aaron snarled, moving back to the couch where Robert was seated.

“I’m not leaving,” Robert stated firmly, holding on to the last straw of hope that he could somehow make Aaron listen to him.

“Oh, yes you are. Right now.” Suddenly he felt two strong hands wrap around his upper arm and pulling him harshly up from the couch. Aaron pushed him towards the door and Robert almost tripped over his own feet, not being able to see what was happening. Aaron pushed him hard-handed towards the hallway, before opening the door so he could push him out of the door. Robert held on to the doorpost to stop that from happening, turning around to face Aaron. 

“Why are you even doing this?” Robert asked, out of breath and more hurt by Aaron’s actions than he was willing to let on. 

“Because I’m fed up with you. Now get out,” Aaron replied angrily. 

“That’s not what I mean. I just… Why did you look after me all this time? Why not just leave me there in that hospital room?”

“I already told you,” Aaron snapped.

“Yeah, because Vic asked you to. I know. But that’s not all there is to it, is there?” Robert pushed on, taking a step away from the door.

“Robert,” Aaron warned, the dangerous tone in his voice indicating he was running out of patience. 

“I mean, after everything I put you through, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. But still here we are. So I’m asking you, why?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Aaron commented harshly. 

“Well I do,” Robert argued back. 

“And I don’t,” Aaron countered, but he closed the door with a bang and walked back towards the living room.

Robert knew Aaron was seething by the way he walked away from him, but he followed after him nonetheless, asking: “Is this about what I said to Chas, because if it is-”

“It’s not. It’s about you,” Aaron spat out in anger.

“What have I done now?” Robert asked in annoyance, but felt the despair settle in his bones.

Aaron huffed out a humorless laugh. “You really are stupid! You really have to ask?!” 

“Where the hell you’re going on about?!” Robert asked bewildered, his voice raising. 

“I fucking hate you! Don’t you understand?!” Aaron suddenly shouted, his voice filled with rage.

“What?” Robert asked incredulous, his heart contracting painfully, when Aaron’s words hit home. 

“I hate you for what you did to me, to Paddy, to Katie. I was just stupid enough to forget about it for a moment, but yesterday you made me see who you really are deep down.” Robert could hear the disgust in Aaron’s voice, which made him take a physical step back. 

Robert’s heart started to beat rapidly against his chest by Aaron’s words, still not believing what he was hearing. 

“I never should have let you get so close in the first place. You take and never give,” Aaron continued in the same voice. “All you think about is yourself, damn the consequences for anybody else. Did you think about Chrissie when you first kissed me? Did you think about me when you dragged me into this affair? No! Because you are selfish, you think about nothing but yourself and I’m fed up with it.”

Robert felt his temper rise during Aaron’s words. He could feel a shield building up around his heart and immediately lashed out: “Yes, because you’re all so innocent in all of this!”

Robert couldn’t see Aaron’s face, but he was almost sure Aaron’s eyes narrowed in outrage. “I was not the one whom left the person he supposedly loved alone, tied up, helpless and bleeding for a whole freaking night and came back the next day intending to shoot him!” Aaron shot back. 

“I never intended to hurt you!” Robert argued back in exasperation, willing to make Aaron understand. 

“So you’re telling me you held me at gunpoint accidently?!” Aaron fired back. “Don’t make me fucking laugh Robert!”

“I know I was wrong, Aaron! You don’t have to tell me that!” Robert replied angrily.

“Don’t I? You tried to kill me! Shot Paddy!”

“Yeah and you had your little revenge by telling my wife about us!” Robert suddenly countered, outraged. 

Aaron huffed out a laugh, like he couldn’t believe Robert would bring that up. “Don’t turn this back on me! I was not the one who was sleeping away from home.”

“Oh don’t give me this bullshit. You are just as guilty as I am. Don’t pretend that whatever happened between us was all my doing.” He knew he was blaming Aaron for more than was probably fair, but right now he didn’t really care. 

“I never said that,” Aaron stated. 

“No but you are blaming everything on me. I was not the only one in this affair Aaron,” Robert commented, his tone accusing. 

“I know that!” Aaron fired back.

“So take some damn responsibility for it!” Robert shouted back.

“Oh you wanna talk to me about responsibility?! How about you admit you killed Katie!”

“I didn’t kill her! It was an accident!” Robert answered defensively, wanting for Aaron to understand that what he was saying was the truth.

“You pushed her to her death!” Aaron pushed. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt her! It was an accident!” Robert yelled back.

“You keep saying that!”

“Because it’s true! I didn’t know the floor would collapse. If I could go back and undo what I did, I would. But I can’t. Do you know how many times I had wished we hadn’t fought on that floor? Or how I wished I hadn’t pushed her?” Robert could feel the tears on his face, wetting the bandages around his eyes, reliving that moment Katie had fallen to her death. “I have to live with what I did every single day, but I can’t change what I did, no matter how much I want to.”

Robert took a shuddering breath, before he continued: “Do you think I don’t know that all these people got hurt because of me? Katie, Andy, Paddy, you. Do you think I don’t hate myself for that?”

Robert heard Aaron pacing over the floor, before he paused in the middle of the room. When Aaron started talking again, Robert could hear the weariness in his voice: “I don’t know what to think anymore. Ever since that lodge I have a hard time understanding myself, let alone me trying to understand you. In that lodge, I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t want to know that person. I knew you could be dangerous if you were pushed to it. I’ve seen you scheme and talk trash about people. But I thought you would never do that to me.”

There fell a pause, before Aaron continued, his voice filled with hurt and sadness: “But then you did.”

A cold shiver ran down Robert spine after Aaron’s words, leaving goosebumps all over his skin, the anger leaving his body. “I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. The moment I found your phone, I just freaked out, I found that the only person I thought I could still trust was plotting against me. I just stopped thinking. I never meant to hurt you.”

“No, but that’s the problem,” Aaron commented. “You never meant to do anything, but it still happened. You could’ve killed Paddy, you could’ve killed me. You’ve already pushed Katie to her death, even if what you’re saying is true and it was an accident. What else must happen, until you’ll see that terrible things happen when you get upset? Do you really want to end up killing someone, just because they did or said something wrong?”

Robert swallowed audibly and sank down on the couch. “Do you really think I’m capable of killing someone?” Robert asked in all earnest, his voice small, twisting his fingers nervously. He really didn’t want to know the answer, was almost too afraid to ask. He didn’t want Aaron to think about him as a murderer, that he was capable of killing someone. 

He could hear Aaron sitting down next to him, but he left enough space between them, so two people would be able to sit between them. Aaron sighed weary and Robert was almost certain Aaron moved his hands over his face, like he always did when he was emotionally exhausted. “Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe. With the wrong timing, yes, maybe you could,” Aaron replied softly.

A cold hand closed around Robert’s heart and he wasn’t able to speak for several moments. Aaron’s admission, pressing painfully down on his chest. 

When he spoke again his voice was small, broken: “I know I’ve lost you because of my own actions and I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess. I never should’ve done that. I never should’ve hurt you the way I did.”

“I know,” Aaron only replied, sounding completely drained. 

“I don’t know how to make it right,” Robert confessed quietly. “I don’t know how to make it all okay.” 

“You can’t,” Aaron replied, honestly. 

Robert’s throat tightened painfully, his eyes filling up with tears again. “I just hope that maybe one day, you can forgive me for what I’ve done. I know I don’t have the right to ask, so I won’t. I just want you to know I still feel the same.” Robert had to swallow, before he softly added: “I do.”

Aaron took a trembling breath beside him after his admission. When Aaron started speaking again, his voice was soft and weary: “I shouldn’t want you anywhere near me, but I can’t seem to be able to stay away from you. But I can’t let you in, cause all you’ve ever done is hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. I-” Robert started, his voice breaking after Aaron’s words.

He could hear the tears and hurt in Aaron’s voice when Aaron spoke on: “You draw me in but push me away moments later. You confuse the hell out of me. I don’t know what to feel anymore, Robert. I just don’t.”

Robert had to swallow loudly, trying to lose the big lump in his throat. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

They just sat there, in the silence. There was no way back from all that had happened. Everything had gone downhill between them since Katie had died. Thinking that they would finally find their way back to each other had been an illusion. There was too much tearing them apart, too much that had happened between them. Too much standing between them. 

“So what are we gonna do now?” Robert asked silently. 

“I don’t know. I need time to think,” Aaron admitted. 

Robert nodded before he spoke softly: “You want me to leave?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron answered honestly, his voice weary, there was a moment of silence before Aaron added softly: “I suppose you can stay here, for now.”

Robert nodded again, before he spoke: “Thank you.”

Feeling like there was nothing left to say, he got up and moved to the stairs. He was emotionally drained and all he wanted to do was lie on his bed and shut the world out, pretend that this hadn’t happened. He opened the door to his bedroom and closed the door silently behind him. But he knew he couldn’t pretend. There was no turning back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!

Aaron turned around again in his bed and looked at his alarm clock. He noticed that the last number just changed from a two to a three and he sighed heavily. It was 3.43 in the morning and he still hadn’t slept a wink. Ever since he went to bed he had a constant painful pressure pushing down on his chest and he felt like he was drowning from the tears he was trying to hold in so desperately. It felt like he was slowly choking on pain he wasn’t willing to let out. He couldn’t start crying, if he would, he didn’t know if he would be able to stop. 

He hadn’t seen Robert for the rest of the day. Robert had withdrawn himself in his bedroom, hadn’t even been down for dinner. Diane had been concerned of course and had checked on him, but when she had come downstairs she had told him Robert had been asleep. Aaron hadn’t been so sure about that, but hadn’t commented. Diane had stated she would bring him some food later. 

Aaron rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. Even after being awake for so long, he still didn’t come a step closer to understanding anything. His emotions were one big mess. He turned what had happened between them over and over in his head, tried to understand it, to figure out what he was feeling. But he couldn’t understand, no matter how many times he tried, he only got more and more confused. He didn’t know if what Robert had told him about what had happened to Katie was the truth, if he’d told him the truth about what Robert had done to him in that lodge. 

He didn’t know if he would ever get close to forgiving Robert for everything that he had done, all the lies and deceit, all the pain he had caused. How could he ever trust what came out of that man’s mouth ever again, when lying was like second nature to him?

He didn’t know what he felt for Robert anymore. All his emotions were so mixed up, it was like a web he couldn’t make sense off. He hated him, but he loved him and his heart ached painfully when he knew Robert was hurt. He resented Robert for what he had done to him, he hated Robert for using him. Still all Aaron’s senses had told him to look after him, to guide him through this terrible period, for being blind must’ve been the most difficult thing Robert had ever had to face. 

Aaron moved a hand over his face, feeling worn out, but he couldn’t shut up his mind. Maybe he should sent him away, Vic wouldn’t mind looking after him, now Adam was doing better again. But somehow that thought hurt Aaron more than he was still willing to admit. He knew Paddy was right and he probably should go and stay with him and his mom, just so he could get his right mind set back, because right now he was struggling to keep everything together. 

He knew what Robert had meant when he had said he still felt the same and maybe that was the main reason he hadn’t sent him away, but he knew they couldn’t go on like this. It would destroy them both. He knew he needed to make a decision. 

If he only knew what that decision should be. 

xXx

Aaron slowly walked downstairs in the dark, not willing to wake anyone as it was only five thirty in the morning. He opened the door to the living room and walked to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took the milk out. He turned around to put the milk on the counter before closing the fridge again and he almost let the milk fall out of his hand when he noticed a dark figure sitting at the dinner table. 

“Robert, what the hell!” He cried out, surprised by Robert’s silent figure. His heart beat rapidly against his chest by the sudden scare. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you,” Robert answered quietly, his voice small. Aaron bit on his lip hearing that tone in Robert’s voice. 

Aaron put the milk down on the counter before he asked hesitantly: “What are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Robert mumbled softly, leaning his chin on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. 

“Yeah, me neither,” Aaron replied softly, before closing the fridge and turning the light switch on. “You could’ve turned the lights on though,” he continued, his words were unkind, but his voice was not accusing though. 

“Why? It’s not like I can see anything,” Robert answered, but there was no heat behind his words, just sadness. Aaron stopped with what he was doing for a moment and looked at Robert, hearing his tone of voice, before he moved again and grabbed two mugs out of a cabinet.

“You want some milk?” Aaron asked hesitantly. He had no idea how he should handle this situation, the words they had spoken fresh in his mind. 

“Yeah. Why not,” Robert answered, still in the same quiet voice. 

Aaron poured the milk into the mugs, before putting the milk back in the fridge and placing one of the mugs in front of Robert. He picked his own mug up from the counter and wondered what he should do now. Robert looked like he could fall apart any moment, as if he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders. Robert looked exactly as Aaron was feeling. Aaron sighed inaudibly, before he sat down opposite of Robert. He struggled for words, already wondering why he would even sit down with Robert, after everything that had happened last afternoon. But he also knew that he couldn’t just walk away like that. Not when Robert looked so fragile. “So… how’re you feeling?” Aaron asked eventually, not really knowing what else to say.

Robert shrugged lightly, his hands around his mug: “Had better days I suppose.”

“Yeah, me too,” Aaron replied quietly, before silence dawned on them again. The air felt heavy with unspoken words, things left unsaid. But they were both too afraid to break it, too afraid what would happen if they did. Robert moved his hands over his face, before resting them in his neck, slightly massaging the muscles there. Aaron took a sip from his drink and studied Robert. Even though Aaron couldn’t see his eyes, he noticed how exhausted Robert looked. His skin was bleak, the frown on his forehead deep, his hair a mess. Robert let his hands fall from his neck and cupped his mug again, before he suddenly spoke up: “I’m sorry about what I said, that you’re to blame for everything too. That wasn’t fair.”

Aaron shook his head, but realizing Robert wouldn’t be able to see, he said: “I never really thought about Chrissie and how she might feel. So hurting her is partially on me.”

Robert was shaking his head now, apparently disagreeing with Aaron’s words . “I was engaged to her, married her while I was also seeing you. I was the one who pursued you, who wanted you.” Robert took a deep intake of breath, before he continued: “First that was all it was for me, just sex. Just something to blow of some steam. But somewhere along the way that changed, you got under my skin.” Aaron saw a glimpse of a small smile cross over Robert’s features as if a thought made him relive a good memory, before Robert spoke on: “Even after everything that’s happened, I don’t regret kissing you that day. If I could go back in time, I would want to change a lot of things, but that’s not one of them.”

Aaron inhaled deeply, knowing deep down Robert was right. He would never regret kissing Robert that day, he also would change a lot of things that had happened between them, but he would never regret that. 

Robert sighed weary, before he continued: “But I know I cheated on her and that this whole affair wasn’t fair on her or on you. I’ve always been selfish, you know that. That’s why I hurt you so many times, that’s why I couldn’t choose. If I would’ve, I would’ve definitely lost one of you and I wasn’t willing to lose.”

Robert’s admission brought all those feelings Aaron had tried to suppress all night to the surface and Aaron had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could speak. He was surprised how calm his voice was when he spoke: “I know. That’s why I told Chrissie about us, because I wanted you to lose everything. To know how it felt when the one you thought loved you, hurt you. In that moment I hated you so much, that I didn’t care if you would get hurt. I just wanted to make you feel as miserable as you had made me feel.”

Robert nodded. “I don’t resent you for telling her. I knew deep down that one day I would have to face it, make a choice. Or that it would come out eventually. I just pretended I didn’t have to, I would just shut my eyes for it, prolonging the decision as long as I could. Until there was no decision to be made at all and I lost you both.” Robert voice sounded sad, hurt even and Aaron bit his lower lip, not really knowing what to say.

“I know excuses are never going to be enough, but I want you to know that I am sorry about what happened in that lodge. That I tied you and hurt you and… pointed a gun at you. I am sorry Aaron.” Aaron noticed Robert’s hands were trembling lightly and he knew Robert was at the brink of tears, seeing Robert taking a shuddering breath to calm himself down. 

“I am sorry too,” Aaron answered softly.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry ab-” Robert started, but Aaron cut him off.

“Just hear me out, okay?” Robert shut his mouth and nodded once, to indicate he was listening. Aaron took a deep breath before he said: “I’m sorry for setting you up, for pushing you so far, that you saw no other choice than to shoot me. I did it because I was angry and hurt. You’d hurt the man who is like a father to me. You left him on his own, while he was dying. You threatened his family. Even though you were hurt or felt threatened, there are no excuses for what you did then. I cannot just forgive you for that Robert.”

Aaron noticed Robert swallowed loudly, before Robert was able to speak again: “I know and I wouldn’t ask you to. I think it’s a small miracle we’re even talking about this, without being at each other’s throats.” Robert made an attempt at a weak smile, but it faded as soon as it had appeared. 

Aaron felt like a small piece of the weight he had been carrying was lifted of his shoulders, when he heard Robert say he understood Aaron wasn’t just able to forgive him for what he had done. It seemed like they were on a turning point, it felt like they were establishing something huge by not yelling at each other, but just talking about it. It was emotionally draining to talk about it all over again, to go through it all again. But it somehow felt necessary. If they would ever want to be able to move forwards, they had to talk about everything that had happened in their past. 

But there was one thing he needed to know, something Robert had lied about so many times, Aaron didn’t know what to believe anymore. So he asked: “What about Katie? You said you pushed her. Was it really unintended Robert? I need you to tell me the truth, here. I need to know that you are not lying to me.”

Robert cleared his throat, before answering, his voice soft, honest: “Yes, I pushed her, but I didn’t mean for her to die. I didn’t want her to. Just like with Paddy. I just wanted to scare him off. I had already put the machine off and was about to get him out when Andy came our way. I just freaked out, got scared and ran off. Just like when I called you after Katie died. I didn’t know what else to do. But I swear it was an accident. I pushed her, yes and caused her death that way, but I never meant for that to happen.” 

Aaron heard the tears in Robert’s voice and knew in that moment Robert told the truth. He knew how Robert’s brain worked more than anyone. He understood what he had thought at those moments, he didn’t approve off it, hell he hated that part of Robert, but he understood. “You can’t keep on hurting people, Robert. I don’t want to have anything to do with you, if you do. Do you understand?”

Robert nodded his head slowly, before he said: “I know I made a lot of mistakes, Aaron. And like I said, there are no excesses for it, but being blind, changes somebody’s perspective. I know now how it feels to be vulnerable, to need another person’s help. I don’t wish this on anyone. But it makes you think a lot, because well, there’s not really anything else to do. It makes you realize that life can change in a second and you can lose everything. But it also makes you value life more and think about the most important things in life. I’ve lost too much already Aaron. It made me realize, family is the only thing I’ve got left.”

Aaron just stared at Robert’s face after Robert words, not knowing what to say. It was terrible to know Robert really thought he had lost everything, accept for Diane and Victoria. But Aaron had no idea how he could tell Robert he hadn’t lost him, because he didn’t know if really hadn’t. “You’ll get your sight back, Robert,” Aaron finally said. 

Robert shook his head in disbelieve. “You don’t know that Aaron,” he replied weary. 

“No, but there is no reason to assume the worst either,” Aaron stated, trying to give Robert hope, although everything was such a mess right now. 

Robert smiled weakly at him, but didn’t reply. 

Aaron got up from his chair, just standing there for a moment, looking down at Robert. He felt suddenly slightly out of place, not really knowing what to do. So he said the first thing that came to mind: “So you want to go back to bed or…”

“Don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep anymore,” Robert answered honestly. 

“So breakfast?” Aaron asked, feeling a bit awkward after their heavy conversation. 

Robert showed him a real smile now, however small it may be, making the heaviness Aaron was feeling slightly decrease. “Sounds good.”


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the day went by quietly. Aaron had bandaged Robert eyes again after they had had breakfast and Robert had showered. The wound was healing quickly now, which had put them both in a slightly better mood, having spent almost the whole breakfast in silence. After Aaron had showered, Robert had asked him to call Victoria to ask her if she would like to spend the day with him. It had been that moment Diane had come downstairs and had looked strangely at them, being up before her on a Sunday morning. 

Aaron had spent the rest of his day with Adam in the pub, talking about everything and nothing at all. Adam had gotten a text from Vic around tea time, saying Robert would eat at hers, which had made Aaron ask Adam if he fancied eating in the pub. 

Paddy had called him several times, but Aaron had denied each call, eventually just turning it off. (That was also the reason he hadn’t received Vic’s text himself.) Chas hadn’t called him, which was fine by Aaron for now. He knew they wouldn’t agree over Robert, maybe never would. After Robert had left, Chas had smugly reminded Aaron how she had been right about Robert all along, asking him how he could’ve been so blind. Aaron, seething with rage himself had taken his anger out on his mother, until he hadn’t said another word anymore when she had gone on and on about Robert’s mistakes. But now he knew he would defend Robert against his mother if he had to, he didn’t want to send him away. He had seen the real Robert early this morning and maybe, just maybe Aaron could eventually find it in himself to forgive Robert. Just looking at Robert now would make his heart jump up. So he would defend his decision to let Robert stay here, to his mom if he had to.

He still hated to admit it, but Robert had been right about one thing when he had yelled at his mother like that, his mother was smothering him. He knew she meant well, was only looking out for him, but he was old enough to make his own decisions. Apparently she didn’t see it that way. They hadn’t spoken since their argument. 

When Adam finally left, Aaron had had enough to drink to make him feel warm and fuzzy inside, but not enough to make him drunk. It was past eleven when he finally walked in the back of the pub and moved upstairs. He walked into his room and dressed himself down to his T-shirt and boxers, before disappearing under the blankets. He was exhausted, not having slept last night and going to sleep this late at night, wasn’t really smart. But the thoughts faded from his mind when he slumbered to sleep in minutes.   
xXx

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the movement of the matrass. He moaned softly, his mind trying to understand, in its half comatose state, what was happening. He registered the sound of sheets moving and he frowned his forehead, still asleep. Something cold touched the back of his leg, a light curse and the wild ruffling of sheets filled his ears, his eyes snapping open as his mind turned fully awake. 

He sat up straight, ruffling with his blankets as he did so, his heart racing against his chest. When he recognized the dark figure, who was sitting on the side of his bed, he blurted out: “Jesus Robert, what the fuck?!”

“Aaron, is that you?” came Robert’s own question in a spoken whisper, his voice hoarse of sleep.

“Yeah, course it’s me. Who else do you think lies in my bed?” Aaron snapped back, grumpy because he was being awakened at, he looked at the digital alarm clock next to his bed, God, 2.54 in the morning. “What you doing here?” he groaned after a moment. 

Robert was sitting with his back towards him, his lower arms resting on his knees. “I went to the bathroom and I thought I was back in my own room. Must’ve taken the wrong door.”

“Seriously?” Aaron asked, too tired too really listen to Robert’s explanation. 

“Yeah.” Robert was still facing away from him, but even in the dark Aaron noticed Robert’s shoulders were tense. 

“Then go back to your room,” Aaron said, trying to understand why Robert was even here and why he was acting so… sad. 

Robert wasn’t moving at all, like he hadn’t heard Aaron, not making any attempt to get up from Aaron’s bed and go back to his own room. Aaron felt his frustration boiling over by Robert’s silence. 

“Robert, get out,” he snapped, his voice harsh. He didn’t mean to sound so rude, but he really hated being awakened in the middle of the night. 

Robert sat still and stayed quiet for so long that Aaron started to wonder if Robert had even heard anything he had said at all. He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened that day with Robert, for he was acting really strange. He just wanted to open his mouth again, when Robert voice stopped him. 

“Can I stay here for a while?” Robert’s voice was soft and if it hadn’t been totally silent, Aaron might’ve not heard him at all. 

“You what?” Aaron blurted out, totally surprised by Robert’s question.

“Well, you know…” Robert trailed off, his voice sounding so quiet and fragile, it awoke something deep inside of Aaron. Something Aaron didn’t want to analyze, not when it was almost three in the morning.

He groaned in frustration. He wanted to sleep, not having a weird conversation with Robert, who was acting so strange, he was scaring the shit out of Aaron. Aaron growled annoyed: “You know what, it’s way too early for this shit. Just go back to your room or stay here. I don’t care. You do what you want.” 

With that Aaron lay back down under his blanket and turned around on his side, his back towards Robert. He closed his eyes, determined to go back to sleep. Which turned out to be quite difficult, having a man in his room who was not moving at all. He lay there for a few minutes, trying to ignore Robert and at the same time falling back to sleep. Neither worked. 

He inhaled deeply in annoyed surrender, opening his eyes again. If he wanted to get some sleep tonight he needed to do something, even if he really didn’t want to. 

He sighed deeply: “Fine. Get in.” Aaron regretted his words, before he had even spoken them, but he couldn’t take them back anymore. His words had the desired effect however, because he could hear Robert finally moving behind him. 

“You sure?” Robert’s quiet voice asked. He sounded almost hopeful, but Aaron could hear something in Robert’s voice, something that sounded an awful lot like anxiety. 

“No,” Aaron answered truthfully: “So get in, before I change my mind.”

Aaron heard the soft sound of blankets being ruffled and the matrass dipped, on the place Robert lay himself down beside him. Aaron didn’t dare to turn around and just laid there, listening to Robert’s breathing. He tried to slow down his own breathing by taking a deep intake of breath. He closed his eyes and told his body to relax. Robert moved quietly behind him, yawning ever so clearly. Aaron felt his mind slightly relaxing when he started to realize Robert wasn’t leaving, probably wouldn’t until the next morning. It was stupid to admit, but he had always slept best with Robert by his side, even though this time it all felt a little off. They hadn’t slept in the same bed since, well Home Farm, probably. Aaron could see the images his mind was projecting before his closed eyes, all their happy memories, that absolute amazing week, just the two of them. His body relaxed and he slowly slumbered back to sleep. 

It was that moment, Robert started to speak again: “I’m sorry for snapping at your mom.”

Aaron cursed in silence. He had almost been back to sleep, damn it. But instead of bitching, he just hauled in a breath and blinked, trying to refocus his mind. 

“It’s fine. She’ll get over it in no time. Her opinion of you isn’t very high anyway.”

“Maybe I should apologize,” Robert stated, softly.

Aaron frowned his forehead, trying to figure out in his half drowsy state where Robert was talking about.

“What? To my mom?” He checked after a moment, still not believing what he was hearing. 

“Yeah,” came Robert’s soft reply.

“No,” Aaron answered, closing his eyes again, trying to go back to sleep. 

Robert gave him just about two minutes of silence before he continued: “But-“

Aaron sighed: “She wouldn’t accept it, she’ll just think you’re playing one of your games with her.”

This time, when the silence fell, Aaron didn’t trust it. So when the matrass shifted as Robert pushed himself up onto one elbow, Aaron was alert and staring at the opposite wall.

“Aaron?” Robert stayed silent for a moment, before he asked: “Are you awake?”

“No,” Aaron grumbled, almost rolling his eyes. 

Breath tickled his ear, Robert’s hand sliding tentatively under the hem of Aaron’s T-shirt, over Aaron’s skin, grabbing his hip lightly, and yeah, Aaron was wide awake now. The backflip his stomach did, had seen to that. 

“Aaron? Can I…?” Robert sounded hesitant and Aaron didn’t know what Robert was after here. He didn’t think Robert did know himself. And Aaron just- he just- he should get up and go to the bathroom or play dead or something. 

He opened his mouth. Licked his lips. Rasped: “Yeah.” 

He heard Robert moving closer, not quite touching, but Aaron could feel the warmth radiating from Robert’s body. Robert’s hand glided further under Aaron’s T-shirt and caressed his bare stomach. His skin tingled where Robert’s hand touched him and he felt like he was on fire. 

He closed his eyes, still not moving. If he would, he didn’t know what he would do and he couldn’t afford any more uncontrolled moments like the one he had when he had kissed Robert. So he stayed completely silent. Robert nuzzled his neck with his nose, which almost extracted a moan from Aaron’s lips, which he could just keep in, Robert’s warm breath tickling his neck. Robert’s hand finally came to rest on his stomach and Aaron let go of the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

Robert’s lips caressed his skin in a feathery light kiss, which made Aaron slightly relax. “Thank you,” Robert murmured softly against his skin. Aaron didn’t say anything, didn’t know what to say. Robert’s small gesture had touched him more than he was willing to admit. He started to think Robert was thanking him for more than for just letting him stay in his bed. A warm feeling spread through his chest and tucked at his heart. He moved his hand and covered Robert’s hand with his own. He tucked softly at Robert’s hand and Robert seemed to understand what he wanted, because he moved closer, his warm chest finally colliding with Aaron’s back. Aaron leaned against Robert’s chest, his warmth making Aaron feel calm and at ease. Robert nuzzled his neck again and the soft feeling tucked Aaron back to sleep. 

He was only awoken again when Robert’s cold feet rubbed against his own. He murmured, his voice thick with sleep: “Your feet are cold.”

“Yeah,” Robert answered softly and after a moment he added: “I don’t like sleeping alone.”

“Hmhm,” was all that Aaron muttered, already half asleep, feeling content in Robert’s warmth and smell. Robert’s arm tightened around his body and Aaron let Robert pull him flush against his body. Robert leaned with his forehead against Aaron’s neck and sighed content. 

Aaron’s body relaxed and his mind clouded with sleep. The next morning he didn’t know if he had dreamed it or not, but he would’ve sworn he had heard Robert murmur: “I’ve missed you.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! It's so nice to know what you think about my story. For this chapter I want to give you a small warning. In this chapter Robert is in quite a bad state of mind.

Aaron woke up, feeling relaxed and warm. He turned on his back, unwilling to open his eyes to the sun shining through his curtains. He remembered Robert’s warmth, his hand resting on his body. But that feeling was gone now. He frowned and moved his hands over his face. He moved his head to the side, slowly opening his eyes, only to notice Robert wasn’t there anymore. 

Aaron sat up at once, wide awake and he looked around, as if Robert would’ve hid himself somewhere in his room. He frowned his forehead, wondering if he had dreamed everything last night. He looked to the other side of his bed, the blankets were ruffled and Aaron was sure Robert had been there, but apparently he’d already left. He moved out of bed, pulled on some clothes and walked downstairs. When he reached the end of the stairs he noticed an overnight bag standing in the hallway and an uncomfortable feeling settled in Aaron’s chest. He walked through the door, just to see Robert sitting there on the couch with his jacket on. 

“What’s going on?” Aaron asked, his voice tighter than it should be, but he had the terrible feeling that he knew where this was going. 

Robert cleared his throat and Aaron noticed his shoulders were tensed.

“Robert, why’s your bag standing in the hallway?” Aaron knew damn well why, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, needed to hear it from Robert himself. 

Aaron walked further into the room and saw Robert fidgeting nervously with his fingers. “I’m gonna stay with Vic.”

Even though it was what Aaron had expected to hear, what it did to his heart was a complete surprise. His heart ached painfully and his throat tightened. It felt like the world stopped moving for a moment and all he could do was stare at Robert for a couple of seconds. “Right,” Aaron replied, it was all he was able to say at that moment.

Robert cleared his throat uncomfortable. “I just think it’s for the best, you know. I think we both need some space.”

Aaron bit his lip, wondering why Robert suddenly wanted to leave. He thought they had established he could stay, he thought they had been on the right track after their talk yesterday. “Is this about yesterday? About what I said about forgiving you?”

Robert stood up and turned towards him. “I just thought you needed some time to think.”

“Right,” Aaron said again, frowning his forehead. “And you think, you leaving is gonna help.” 

Robert smiled sadly. “You’re not the only one who needs to figure out what they want.” 

Aaron’s frown deepened, as Robert’s words sank in, trying to understand what Robert meant. But some part of him was afraid of what Robert was trying to say so he didn’t ask. Instead he said: “So… you’re leaving right now?” 

Robert nodded. “Yeah, Vic will be here any minute.” Robert slowly walked towards him and stood still in front of him.

“So will you be back?” Aaron asked, looking on, as Robert entered his personal space. 

“I don’t know. It depends,” Robert mumbled softly.

Aaron’s eyes wavered over Robert’s face. “On what?”

Robert voice was only a whisper when he spoke: “You.”

Aaron looked up at him, as Robert tentatively reached out his hand and touched his jaw. Aaron felt the tenderness in the touch, the love. He closed his eyes at the feeling. He leaned into the touch, his heart beating rapidly, sadness in his chest. 

“Bye, Aaron.”

Aaron opened his eyes, when he heard the sad tone in Robert’s voice. He was unable to speak, emotions tightening his throat. There was so much in that moment he needed and wanted to say, but he just couldn’t. It felt like there was a big lump in his throat stopping him from speaking. 

Aaron swallowed loudly. He took a deep breath and just when he thought he could finally speak again, there was a knock on the door and Robert retracted his hand and walked to the door on touch. 

Aaron was still frozen to the spot when Robert opened the door and Victoria appeared in the doorway. “Hiya, ready to go?”

“Yeah. Just need my bag.” Robert turned around and searched for his bag. Aaron noticed and suddenly his brain started working again, because he walked into the hallway and picked the bag off of the ground and gave it to Robert, their fingers brushing. 

“Thank you,” Robert said, touching Aaron’s fingers longer than was totally necessary. 

“Your welcome,” Aaron’s voice sounded hoarse.

Robert opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something else, but apparently changed his mind, because he closed his mouth again, turned around and walked out of the door, careful so he wouldn’t trip over the threshold. 

Aaron watched him go.

Aaron had the feeling he was missing something, like something was going on, but he was left in the dark about it. He thought back at the moments this morning when Robert had sat on the side of his bed. He had looked so sad, so… alone. Just like he had done now. Aaron couldn’t describe exactly what it was, what was bothering him. He only knew it was there and there was nothing he could do about it. Because Robert had just left his care.

“You okay Aaron?” Victoria suddenly asked. 

Aaron had to rip his eyes away from the door to let them rest on Victoria. 

“Yeah, fine,” Aaron replied, meanwhile putting his hands in his pocket, clearing his throat. “Just take care of him, alright Vic?” He could hear the worry and hurt in his own voice.   
“I will,” Victoria replied, before she smiled. “And thanks for looking after him, especially after everything… I know it must’ve been though. So, thank you.”

Aaron smiled sheepishly at her, not really knowing what to say. Her smile grew bigger before she closed the door behind her. Leaving Aaron alone with his thoughts. 

xXx

Robert was sitting at the dining table with Victoria and Adam. He had spent the last three days he had spent in his sister’s house on the couch, just like today. He didn’t feel like doing anything, couldn’t find the energy to even go for a walk and the only thing he wanted to do right now was to lie in his bed and sleep. He was so tired. Ever since he and Aaron had that fight, he was feeling so tired all the time. Everything that had happened since he became blind was catching up with him and it felt like he had this tangled mess in his head he couldn’t make sense off. He had started to wonder how it ever came so far that he had lost almost every single person he had ever cared for. He felt despondent. He didn’t know what value his life still held, since he had lost his sight. He had lost everything in his life and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He’d felt like an empty shell these past couple of days. Ever since his fight with Aaron where Aaron had told him he hated him for what he had done, it had become harder every day just to get out of bed. 

Suddenly he was pulled out of his somber thoughts when he heard his name. “Robert? Did you think about what the doctor said?” Victoria asked cautiously, she had been walking on eggshells the last couple of days. Robert was fully aware he was to blame for that. He just didn’t have the energy to have a difficult conversation with her. He just wanted to be left alone. 

Robert just shrugged his shoulders, not really having the energy to talk about it. 

“Because if you won’t get your sight back-” Victoria continued, the insecurity and worry visible in her voice. 

“I will,” Robert answered, his voice hoarse, because he hadn’t used it since he told Victoria no, when she asked him to go for a walk. Aaron must have told her he liked to walk. The thought of Aaron just made his heart sink even more. 

“But if you won’t-” Vitoria pushed on. 

“I’m telling you, I will,” Robert answered weary, really not feeling like having this conversation. 

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it. But it’s important that you do,” Victoria stated. 

“You’re right,” Robert answered. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Mate, she did all this research. She just wants to help you,” Adam suddenly jumped in.

Robert got up from his chair and planted his hands on the table. His voice was filled with sudden anger when he spoke: “I don’t need your help. I didn’t ask for your help. So I don’t want it. You got it?”

The silence that followed on his words, told Robert all he needed to know. “Good. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He moved and almost fell, when his foot got caught behind the table leg. He gritted his teeth when he heard Adam stifle a laugh. He moved to the door and closed it with a bang behind him, leaning against it when the sudden burst of energy left his body again and all that was left was sadness. Now he had pushed his sister away too. He leaned his head against the door for a moment, suddenly completely worn out before he moved again. 

He walked up the stairs, slower than he would have if he still had his sight. He entered his room, locked the door behind him and sat down on his bed. He buried his head into his hands and felt the bandages underneath his hands. He almost wanted to rip them off his eyes, but knowing that wouldn’t help either, he just fell back on his bed, a sudden wave of grieve overtaking him. He could be blind forever. He might never see lights and colors again. All he would ever be able see was blackness. He pushed his hands against the sides of his head, as if he could make his mind shut up that way. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it. Couldn’t people see he wasn’t ready? He felt like he hadn’t even had time to let it sink in. First waking up in that hospital bed, then his mixed up feelings for Aaron, Paddy and Chas finding out he was staying with Aaron, his fight and difficult conversations with Aaron, him moving out, he felt like he hadn’t had any time to process anything. 

The thought of having to spend the rest of his life in blackness made him nauseous, made him want to crawl back inside his skin and never come back out. It made him want to smash things, it made him want to yell at people, just to make them feel as bad as he felt. It made him want to scream until he had no voice left. It made him want to cry, the great sadness that was resting against the inside of his chest for nearly five days now, already pushing hard to find a way out. 

He didn’t want to deal with it, didn’t want to listen to people talking about it, the moment he would listen it would become reality. Now he still had hope that maybe, just maybe he would get his sight back. But if he would listen to his sister, he knew his last hope would fade away and he couldn’t let go of that feeling. Not yet. Not while he wasn’t ready to face the reality yet. 

He missed Aaron. Missed him so much, it physically hurt, just thinking about him. Aaron would’ve understood, wouldn’t have pushed on, not about this. But Aaron wasn’t there anymore, he had moved out and couldn’t return, not now, maybe not ever. He knew Aaron needed time to sort his head out and distance was the only thing Robert had been able to give him. 

Robert didn’t know what he was doing anymore, what he was feeling. His life had been turned upside down since the moment he had lost his sight. He felt like he had too much emotions which were ready to burst, but at the same time he felt this gaping hole inside of him, like he had no emotions at all. 

Lately all his senses had been focused on Aaron. All he could think of lately was Aaron and what Aaron meant to him, what he had done for him when he most needed someone, what he had sacrificed so he could look after him. Robert couldn’t quite believe Aaron had put Robert’s well- being before his own. But he had and Robert just couldn’t understand how he could. That he could put his own hate and grudges aside, just because the person he most despised needed help. Robert wouldn’t be able to do that, or he would use it to his own advantage, because that was who he was. And he had hurt so many persons because of that. But most of all he had hurt Aaron and hearing Aaron tell him he couldn’t forgive him, was ripping Robert’s heart out, piece by piece. Still he understood, because who would ever be able to? After everything he had done to him. Guilt grabbed at his throat, leaving him breathless. He had hurt so many people, hurt people he should care about and look after. But he had only thought about himself. But he didn’t know how to make it right, couldn’t find a way out of this mess. 

He couldn’t even tell what he wanted, if he could give Aaron the future he deserved, if he could be with Aaron the way he deserved. He didn’t know if that even was what Aaron wanted anymore, if Aaron would ever be able to forgive him. He didn’t want to lose Aaron, but somehow he felt like he already had. Still he wasn’t willing to let go, couldn’t let go, or he might break. But he didn’t know how to fix it. He had no idea what he should do. Maybe leaving him was the worst mistake he had ever made, because he missed Aaron more than he had ever missed anyone. His senses had been so focused on Aaron, that now that he wasn’t there anymore, it felt like all his senses had lost their way, like he was slowly starting to lose his mind. 

He pulled his legs up on the bed and let the silence fill his ears. He was too tired to cry. He just lay there, not moving and it felt like hours passed, before he finally fell asleep. 

xXx

It was dark when he slowly woke up. It were these moments between sleeping and waking which were the most surreal, but also the happiest. The moments he forgot he was blind, the feeling in his chest that he could open his eyes and he would see everything again. 

The moment he really woke up and reality came crashing down again was the worst moment of all. The moment he realized it was always dark now. The realization that nothing had changed, that everything was still as dark as always. 

He pulled the covers back over his head, wanting to keep the reality at bay and fall back to sleep, not willing to wake up yet, not willing to have that conversation again. 

He lost all track of time after that, losing himself between sleeping and waking. He tried to figure out what he was feeling in the moments he was awake. He wished things could’ve been different, but he felt too tired to do anything about it. It wasn’t like he had anything left to live for. He had cheated on his wife, yelled at his sister, left Aaron, made his stepmother upset by leaving her care. It was not like anybody would miss him. Half the village hated him, his own wife hated him, Aaron couldn’t forgive him. So why would he even try to get out of bed? His thoughts only got gloomier, so the only thing he welcomed dearly was sleep. Sometimes he heard knocks on the other side of the door, but not feeling like answering, he let it go. 

He was suddenly awoken again by another knock on his door. But this knocking became persistent, which gave him a headache and made him disappear under the blankets even more. He wanted to yell at them, make them stop, but he noticed he wasn’t able to, his throat thick and bone-dry.

He could hear voices from far away but he wasn’t able to understand them and eventually didn’t really care. The knocking stopped again and Robert pulled his legs up and put his arms around them, falling back to sleep immediately. He just wanted to sleep, wanted to sleep all the time. He was tired, so damn tired. 

Robert didn’t know how much time passed, but suddenly the knocking was back, but it rather quickly turned into pounding. He could hear someone calling his name, but he couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed, didn’t even want to try. Suddenly he could hear a hard sound, the sound of breaking wood. It scared Robert and he pulled the blankets even higher to protect himself. 

“Robert?” A familiar voice asked, but Robert wasn’t able to place it. The voice continued, but Robert understood he was talking to somebody else. “How long has he been in here?”

“He went upstairs after dinner the day before yesterday and hasn’t come out since. We just noticed this morning. We both had to work yesterday and then joined you at the pub. We just thought he had already gone to bed. Is he gonna be alright?” A female voice softly whispered, a tremble in her voice.

He heard some shuffling and he could feel the blankets being lifted of his head. “Hi Robert, it’s me, Aaron. We’re gonna put you under a shower yeah?” Robert recognized the voice, now that it was so close. 

“I don’t feel like it,” It almost scared Robert how weak his voice sounded. 

“Vic, turn the shower on. Adam give me a hand, will ya?”

“No. Leave me alone,” Robert mumbled as Aaron pulled the blankets away, but he was too weak to slam Aaron’s arms away. Aaron helped him to sit up straight and Robert’s stomach lurched by the sudden change of position, his body shaking from the cold in the room. His head started spinning and he felt like he was going to faint. “I don’t feel so well,” he muttered.

“Sst, it’s gonna be okay. Just don’t move for a moment okay?” Robert wanted to nod his head after Aaron’s words, but found that wasn’t such a good idea. “Okay.”


	15. Chapter 15

Aaron’s heart almost stopped at the sight of Robert, sitting on the bed. He looked terrible, his skin was bleak, his hair unwashed and Aaron heard the same sadness in his voice that he had heard when Robert had sat on his bed a few nights ago. If only he had noticed what was going on sooner…

He shook his head, to stop himself from going there right now. He needed to wake Robert up properly, he needed to bring him back to reality. 

“Adam, get me some scissors,” he growled to Adam without looking at his friend. Adam had come to get him when Robert hadn’t opened the door after both he and Victoria had asked him to multiple times. Adam left the room at once, leaving him and Robert alone. 

Aaron reached out his hands and unbuttoned Robert’s shirt, pulling it off with some difficulty, before pulling of Robert’s socks. “Aaron, I just want to sleep. It’s time to sleep,” Robert’s mummered. His voice was so weak, the sound lurched at Aaron’s stomach. 

Aaron had to fight hard to keep the tears at bay and his voice neutral. “Don’t think so mate. It’s two in the afternoon. You’ve slept enough.”

“I’m just so tired, Aaron,” Robert muttered, his voice not more than a whisper. 

Aaron stopped with what he was doing and looked at Robert, his throat tightened hearing Robert saying that. “I know.”

He unzipped his own hoodie and pulled it off, doing the same to his shoes and socks. That was when Adam returned: “Here ya go mate.”

“Ta,” he replied, taking the scissors from Adam. He used it to cut through the bandages, revealing Robert’s eyes. His stomach still lurched at the sight of Robert’s empty eyes. It didn’t matter how many times he had already seen it, it never became any easier. But now there were big brown bags under Robert’s eyes and because of his bleak skin his eyes looked even hollower. Aaron had to swallow to keep his emotions under control and motioned for Adam to come closer. They pulled Robert up and walked towards the bathroom, with Robert between them, meeting Victoria there.

“Is he going to be okay?” she asked the moment she saw them. 

“Yeah, he’s gonna be fine. Adam, take Vic downstairs. I’ll handle this.”

“You sure?” Adam asked uncertain. 

“Yeah, you won’t be of much use anyway. Just leave him to me.” Adam let go of Robert, which caused Robert to put almost all his weight on Aaron. “Come on Vic. Let’s go down,” Adam said softly but urgently to his wife.

“But what if-” 

“Vic, just go!” Aaron didn’t want to snap at her, but he really couldn’t use her right now. Adam and Victoria left and closed the door behind them. Aaron shifted Robert’s weight slightly, pondering what he should do. It would be really difficult to get Robert’s trousers off right now, so he opted to get Robert under the shower like this. 

He pulled Robert with him under the hot shower. His own T-shirt and trousers were soaked in seconds, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting Robert back to reality. The moment the water touched Robert’s skin, Robert jumped, like a deer caught in headlights and he tried to pull away. Aaron held him tight as the water soaked Robert’s jeans and wet his hair. 

Robert spluttered and coughed as the water hit his head and he took a deep, shuddering intake of breath like he was suddenly coming back to life. Aaron didn’t let go, held him tightly as Robert bowed his head and lay it down on Aaron’s shoulder. He inhaled deeply again, gripping the back of Aaron’s head with his hand, before he mumbled: “What’s happening?”

Aaron was shocked at the hoarseness of his own voice, when he said: “I don’t know.”

Robert’s body was trembling lightly, which made Aaron’s heart get stuck in his throat. “I’m just so sad all the time. I just don’t know how to be happy anymore. I feel stuck inside my head. I don’t know what to do,” Robert confessed softly and by doing so Aaron’s heart broke, the tears he’d been trying to hold in, now falling from his eyes. 

He moved a hand through Robert’s wet hair, the other was resting on Robert’s back. Robert’s hands were now resting on Aaron’s hips, holding on for dear life. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be fine,” Aaron mumbled, trying hard to keep his voice from trembling. 

Robert pulled back and reached out a hand. Robert’s fingers trailed over Aaron’s face, desperately, like they’d never done before. “I’m sorry about everything.”

Aaron had to swallow hard at the broken sound of Robert’s voice. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna leave you. We’ll work it out,” Aaron said. And he meant it, they would work it out. Even before he saw Robert lying in that bed just moments ago, maybe even before Robert had left the pub to stay with his sister, he had known deep down what Robert meant to him. But he knew now Robert had needed to hear that there was somebody who wouldn’t leave him. Because Robert put his arms around Aaron’s shoulders and buried his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck as if Aaron was the only lifeline he had. Aaron’s hands came to rest on Roberts’s back again and he could feel the soft trembling of Robert’s body against his own. He realized Robert was crying. This was the first real emotion Robert was showing after he had found him in that bed. It made his heart ache and it tightened his chest. Aaron found he was crying himself. But he also felt a bit relieved, realizing the Robert he knew was still there.

Eventually Robert pulled away and Aaron touched his face, pulling it down to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. When he pulled back, Robert gave him a weak smile, but the sadness behind the smile, lurched at Aaron’s throat. 

“So, you think you’ll be able to wash yourself and put on some clothes?” Aaron asked cautiously. 

Robert nodded his head. “Yeah.”

“Good. I’ll put some clean clothes on your bed. You’ll be downstairs in thirty minutes. If you’re not, I’ll come and get you myself, understood?” Aaron didn’t want to sound so strict, but he didn’t want Robert to lock himself in his room again.

Robert nodded again and Aaron caressed Robert’s cheek once more, before he moved out of the shower. He pulled his soaking wet trousers, boxers and T-shirt off and grabbed a towel Victoria had laid down beforehand. He dried himself off, told Robert were he could find a towel and left the bathroom. 

He entered Adam’s and Victoria’s room and looked in Adam’s closet to find something to wear. He pulled on a grey T-shirt and some track bottoms, before he returned to Robert’s room to retrieve his hoodie, socks and shoes. He noticed Victoria and Adam had opened the windows to let in some fresh air and that the sheets had been changed. When he was fully dressed, he put some clothes for Robert on the bed and walked downstairs. 

When he entered the room, Victoria and Adam both stood up at the same time. “How is he?” Victoria asked at once, her voice worried and her eyes red. Aaron realized she must’ve been crying. 

Aaron buried his hands in his pocket and answered: “He’s fine. He’ll be down in twenty minutes or so.” He walked over and sat himself down on one of the chairs, Adam and Victoria followed his example and sat back down again. 

“It looked like he was depressed or something,” Adam stated after a moment of heavy silence. 

Aaron buried his head in his hands and moved them over his eyes. “I know,” he mumbled softly. 

“I’m sorry for dragging you in, mate. We just hoped that if he heard you, he would listen,” Adam said apologetic. 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Aaron answered honestly. 

“I should’ve seen it sooner,” Victoria suddenly said which made Adam and Aaron look at her. 

“No. No, Vic. You couldn’t have known it would be this bad,” Adam countered, worry for his wife dripping through his voice. 

“But I knew that there was something wrong. Every time I tried to speak to him, he just turned me down. I just wanted for him to talk to me, but he just pretended everything was fine. If only I had noticed he was feeling so alone…” Victoria’s voice broke as tears ran down her face and Aaron had to swallow to keep his own emotions under control. He knew what Victoria meant, had thought the exact same thing already, if only he had paid a little more attention to Robert…

“No one is to blame, Vic. Least of all you,” Adam said, trying to reassure her. 

“I just want to help him,” Victoria continued, as Adam pulled her close. She buried her face in his chest and Adam gave Aaron a desperate look, as if he was waiting for Aaron to do or say something which would make it all okay again. 

But he couldn’t. He was still half in shock himself about what happened. He had just been acting on instinct, but he didn’t know how to get Robert out of this, if he would even be able to. It had scared him to hell, seeing Robert that way, so broken, so lost. If only he knew how to fix it. 

xXx

When Aaron had left him, Robert found enough energy to pull off his wet jeans and boxers and to wash his hair. He felt a bit more awake now, the shower and Aaron’s soothing words had dissolved the worst darkness in his mind. He dried himself off and walked to his room. He found the clothes Aaron had laid down for him and put them on. He couldn’t believe how weak he felt, how exhausted. He was sitting on the bed and put on his socks. It took all his willpower not just to crawl right back in. Only the knowledge he would disappoint Aaron if he did so, stopped him from doing that. He walked slowly down the stairs and entered the room. The conversation which had been going on before fell and he could feel eyes resting on him. 

Suddenly he heard the scraping of a chair and two arms wrapped around his waist, a head pressing against his chest. “I was so worried.” He heard his sister say. 

He hugged her back and mumbled: “I’m sorry, Vic.”

“You better be,” she said, but he could hear the worry and warmth in her tone. She stepped back and continued: “You must eat something. You haven’t eaten anything in a very long time.”

Only the thought of food made Robert’s stomach turn, but he didn’t say anything. But apparently, his sister read his mind, because she said: “You have to eat something.”

Robert sighed weary. “Fine, but I’ll just have some fruit and a cup of tea. I don’t think my stomach can take more than that,” he admitted. 

“Alright,” Victoria said, before kissing him on the cheek and walking away from him. Another presence came closer and Robert knew who it was, before he had even touched him. 

Aaron lay a hand on his upper arm and pushed him towards the couch. “Come on, I’ll bandage your wound.” Robert sat himself down on the couch, letting Aaron guide him. 

“How does it look?” Robert asked when Aaron had inspected the wound and cleaned it.

“Not so bad, giving the fact you didn’t let Vic look at it,” Aaron replied calmly. Robert flinched for a moment when Aaron smeared the cold salve on the wound. 

“I’m sorry,” Robert said once again, now just completely realizing what had happened in the past few days. 

“No need to be sorry. Always knew you were a muppet,” Aaron answered dryly. Robert smiled at that, feeling the first real pang of joy in days. 

“So… do you wanna stay here or do you wanna come back to mine?” Aaron suddenly asked hesitantly, putting new bandages around Robert’s eyes.

A warm feeling set in Robert’s chest when he realized Aaron wanted him to stay with him again, just to realize it had probably everything to do with the fact he hadn’t left his room for almost two days. Still the warm feeling wouldn’t quite subside. “I think I’m gonna stay here for a couple of days, just to make it up to Vic,” Robert said insecure. “If that’s alright with you.”

Aaron cleared his throat before he answered: “Yeah, of course. I’ll pick you up in three days then, alright?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Robert replied sincere. It was that moment Victoria entered and placed a bowl in his hands and something else on the table. She sat herself down on a chair and Aaron sat down beside him. Robert took a bite from the fruit and recognized it as banana and apple. That’s when he noticed something. “Where’s Adam?” he asked.

A silence fell and Robert could almost feel Aaron and Victoria sharing a look, before Aaron spoke up: “We thought it would be best if we’d keep this between us.” His voice was hesitant and insecure and Robert wondered where they had been talking about before he had come downstairs. 

“What exactly?” Robert asked a bit suspicious. 

“We want to consult a doctor, for you,” His sister softly replied, her voice just as hesitant as Aaron’s. 

Robert heart stopped beating for a moment and he stopped lifting his fork halfway. He dropped the fork back in the bowl and slid it on the table when the words sank in. “No,” he stated. 

“Rob, can you just listen for a moment please?” his sister begged. 

“No! I don’t want a doctor. Not now, not ever,” Robert snapped, feeling like he was backed into a corner and the only way escaping was lashing out. 

“We think it would be good for you if-” Victoria continued. 

“I don’t want it! Do you understand?!” Robert yelled, standing up and walking away, feeling the couch and the doorpost with his hand. He knew he couldn’t go to his room. He didn’t want to upset Victoria again, but he couldn’t stay here either. 

“Robert, wait,” Victoria called after him, but Robert didn’t want to listen. He opened the door and disappeared outside. 

xXx

Aaron watched Robert leave the house and Victoria stood up at once. “Should we follow him?” she asked, looking despaired. 

“I’ll go,” Aaron answered, before getting up and following Robert outside. But Robert was nowhere to be seen. “Robert!” he called out. He felt stupid doing so, but he felt like he didn’t have another choice. 

“I’m here.” He heard from behind him. He turned around and noticed Robert leaning against the wall of the house. 

“You have to stop walking away from things, you know,” Aaron commented, walking towards Robert and pausing in front of him. 

“I just can’t right now,” Robert replied, still looking totally exhausted, his shoulders hunched. He was leaning against the wall for support. 

“We’re just trying to help you,” Aaron pointed out. 

Robert sighed and leaned with his head against the wall. “I know.”

Aaron didn’t want to push on, but he felt like Robert needed to hear this. “You have to stop pushing people away, because eventually they will stop caring.”

Robert didn’t reply for a moment, before he asked hesitant, as if he was almost afraid to know the answer: “Will you?”

Aaron frowned his forehead, not totally following Robert’s trail of thought. “Will I what?”

Robert bit his lower lip, before he answered: “Stop caring?” 

“Tried that, still hasn’t worked,” Aaron joked, but he knew he was telling the truth. 

Robert smiled at that, a real, warm smile. A comfortable silence dawned on them and Aaron leaned next to Robert against the wall. He looked at the people who were walking passed and Aaron wondered how it would be if he couldn’t see anything, how he would cope. He couldn’t understand what it must be like, not really. Robert never really spoke about it. Aaron only partly understood where Robert was going through because he knew Robert well. He knew how he dealt with things, knew how he reacted when he felt certain emotions. But he still couldn’t quite understand what it must be like. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Robert’s voice. “I’ll think about it.”

“About what?” Aaron asked innocently, knowing exactly what Robert was talking about. 

He could almost hear Robert gritting his teeth, but he needed Robert to say it out loud. “To see a doctor. I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” was all Aaron said. The silence dragged on and Aaron wondered how it ever came to this. He had hated Robert for what he had done, but didn’t anymore, not after what had just happened, not after seeing him so broken. But even before that Robert had found a way into his heart again, maybe never really left. He looked sideways at Robert, there were so many things he needed to say to him, but he knew it wasn’t the right time. “We should go back inside. You need to finish your bowl of fruit,” Aaron said, half-jokingly. 

“I’d like to stay here for a while, clear my head,” Robert clarified softly. 

“Alright,” Aaron replied, his arm brushing against Robert’s as he put his hand in Robert’s hand, intertwining their fingers. All that time he had held Robert’s hand when they had walked, he had never intertwined their fingers. It felt special, but it also felt unbelievable natural. 

Robert didn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments, I really don't know what to say. They just make me smile and blush at the same time. I have absolutely no words for the praise I'm getting from you all! So thank you. And of course thank you for reading and leaving kudos, that means a lot!

Aaron opened the backdoor to the pub and let himself in. He walked through the door which led to the backroom of the pub, but he wavered and stopped in the doorway when he noticed somebody sitting at the kitchen table. “Robert,” Aaron stated surprised. 

“Aaron,” Robert answered in the same tone of voice. Aaron noticed Robert sat slightly more upright when he realized it was Aaron who had just walked through the door. 

“How’d you get here?” Aaron asked curious but nervous, not really knowing how to act around Robert. He hadn’t seen him in two days, wanting to keep his distance for Robert’s sake, to give Robert the time to work through everything that had happened. To give him space and time to clear his head, without him sticking his beak in. Even though he had called Victoria every day, to ask her how Robert was doing, Aaron still had been nervous and worried about Robert every second. Seeing him sitting here, brought back everything that had happened at Vic’s. 

“Vic had to work, so I walked with her,” Robert replied, before he cleared his throat and continued: “Diane said she still had some clothes she’d washed for me, but I think she just wants to make sure I’m doing alright. I think Vic is talking to her now in the kitchen of the pub.”

Aaron just hummed, but didn’t say anything else, not really knowing how to continue the conversation with Robert, fully aware of what had happened to Robert, but still pretty unsure how to handle it himself. 

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Robert asked hesitantly: “So… how are ya?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” Aaron answered, sitting himself down on the armrest of the couch. 

“I’m…better,” Robert replied calmly and Aaron believed him. Now Aaron took the time to observe him, he did look better, his skin had more color and his voice didn’t sound as sad as it had done before. It had only been two days and Robert was looking a lot better than Aaron had expected. But Aaron knew, even though he was looking better, Robert was far from okay. Aaron knew it would take time for Robert to find his old self again. 

“How are you?” Robert asked again. 

“I’m fine,” Aaron responded, without a second thought. It had been the answer he had been giving people who had asked how he was, for the last two days. 

But of course Robert was the only one who saw right through it. A frown appeared on his forehead and he said: “You sure?” 

“Yes,” Aaron replied annoyed, not really sure where that feeling was coming from. He shrugged out his jacket, revealing his green sweater and lay it down on the back of the couch. He felt knackered to be honest, hadn’t had a good night sleep since, well forever, probably. He knew he shouldn’t, but he felt guilty about what had happened with Robert, felt like he should’ve been there, should have noticed something. He knew it wasn’t totally his fault, but he still felt like he should have looked after him a bit better. 

Victoria had called him that morning to tell him Robert had agreed to see a doctor and it had made Aaron feel a little better, knowing Robert would get the help he needed. Although he had understood from Victoria, Robert was mostly doing it to get her of his back, but he was sure Robert would eventually see the importance himself. Victoria had also kept him up to date about Robert’s well-being and she had told him he was getting out of bed and ate regularly again, which had made Aaron’s worry slightly decrease. But seeing Robert standing there, made his heart contrast suspiciously, the concern still tightening his chest. 

Aaron rolled his shoulder blades and groaned softly when his muscles protested. He could really use a hot shower now, but he didn’t want to leave Robert like this. The scrapyard had been reopened yesterday and he had been working really hard to get everything on the rails again. He felt filthy and his muscles ached when he moved, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Robert all that.

“Alright, come here,” Robert said suddenly.

“What?” Aaron asked incredulous, frowning his forehead. 

“Just come here,” Robert answered, chuckling softly, standing up from his chair.

Aaron scowled at him, but knowing Robert wasn’t able to see, he walked towards him. His heart started to beat faster with every step he took, not really knowing what Robert wanted, but still anticipating something. 

“What?” He asked again, standing still in front of Robert. 

“Sit down,” Robert answered, still smiling lightly, that smile doing strange things to Aaron’s heart. It was good to see Robert smile again, to hear him make a sound out of true joy or happiness. He hadn’t seen that side of Robert that much, recently. Even before Robert had had a break down, Robert hadn’t smiled that much, laughs had been even more rare. 

Aaron knew he was staring at Robert, but didn’t feel like he should care. He could spent hours looking at Robert’s face, without getting bored, how crazy that thought might sound. Aaron noticed how Robert started to frown his forehead and his face fell, as the silence continued and Aaron realized Robert couldn’t understand what was going on, because he wasn’t able to see. “Aaron?” Robert asked, the concern and insecurity visible in his voice. 

Aaron smiled sadly to himself, at the totally distraught look on Robert’s face, before he moved and sat himself down on the chair. “Alright. I’m sitting. What do you want?” Aaron asked, his eyes still fixated on Robert’s face. Robert’s face lit up after Aaron’s words, which made a warm feeling settle in Aaron’s chest. Robert moved behind him and lay his hands down on Aaron’s shoulders. At that feeling Aaron wanted to get up at once, but Robert stopped him, increasing the pressure of his hands on Aaron’s shoulders. “Stay.”

xXx

Robert moved his hands over the muscles of Aaron’s shoulders, kneading his shoulders softly. They felt stiff and sour. Robert had heard Aaron cracking his shoulder blades. He was so used to noticing sounds and smells lately, he had known Aaron had had a bad day. He had heard the little groan which had escaped Aaron’s lips when his muscles had objected to the movement of his shoulders. 

Aaron sighed: “Robert, I’m telling ya, I’m fine.” He tried to shrug Robert’s hands from his shoulders again, but Robert wasn’t budging. He knew what he was doing now, massaging Aaron, was far out of Aaron’s comfort zone. But he needed Aaron close, just for a moment. He had felt on edge all day and he felt like, the only one who could calm him down was Aaron. He was glad Aaron had walked through that door, had wanted to hear his voice, since the moment he had left the house, two days ago. Fully aware Aaron had needed his space, needed time to think after what had happened, he had stayed away. But it had been hard, it felt like Aaron was the only lifeline he had nowadays. 

“You don’t feel fine to me,” he said, more calmly than he was feeling. His head was still all over the place. Too much thoughts entered his mind every second of every day. Too much guilt and shame over what he had done the last few months, filled every pore of his body. The only moments he found any peace, were when he slept and when Aaron was close by. 

Aaron snorted: “That’s the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Yeah well, it’s a bit strange to use the word ‘look’ when I can’t actually look at you,” Robert commented, feeling the well-known sadness carving a way through his chest. It had become harder and harder to fight that sadness, until eventually he hadn’t been able to fight anymore and it had become too much for him to bare. He had locked himself in his room, crawled in his bed to sleep and to never wake up again. But even after Aaron had helped him out of the darkest part of his mind, every morning was still the same struggle. He had to fight with his own mind to even get out of bed. It was harder than ever to fight the sadness which settled in his chest all too easily. But he tried, every single day he tried and he would keep trying. He wanted to live, he wanted to fight. Even though it sometimes felt like he had nothing left to fight for, he knew deep down there was. His family was still there and Aaron was still there. He would find a way out of this, he knew he had to and he could. He just needed to fight a little harder every single day. 

Aaron tensed up even more, after his words, as he shrugged Robert’s hands off of his shoulders for what had to be the tenth time in two minutes, but Robert didn’t let go and went right back to massaging him. Not that it was helping, Robert could still feel Aaron’s tensed muscles underneath his fingers.

“Robert, will you stop? I’m fine,” Aaron stated again. He moved to stand, pushing himself off of the chair he had been sitting in, but Robert shoved him right back down.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Robert stated, not willing to let Aaron go just yet. 

“Who the fuck are you, my mother?” Aaron replied annoyed.

“Thank God, no,” Robert muttered, amusement and annoyance threading his voice, his comment probably earning him a dark glance from Aaron, he was almost glad he wasn’t able to see. He just continued: “But if you go on like this, you won’t be able to work at all in a week.”

Aaron muttered something under his breath, but he subsided and dropped his head forward, giving Robert more room to work. Robert sighed relieved as Aaron gave him permission to touch him. And after five minutes of letting Robert touch him, Robert could feel Aaron relaxing underneath his hands. Having his hands on Aaron, touching Aaron had always made him feel like home. It had made him feel calm. Especially now, after everything that had happened two days ago, Robert felt like the weight he constantly felt nowadays became more bearable because Aaron was there.

Just the thought that Aaron cared for him, made him get out of bed in the morning, made him eat almost everything his sister made for him. Just the thought of Aaron kept him going. When he thought about, it scared him how dependent he was on Aaron nowadays. Even before he had locked himself in his room, he had depended on Aaron looking after him, being there for him, telling him when he was being insufferable, but also helping him when he needed him. 

Aaron suddenly hummed in pleasure and Robert could feel the tremor of that sound underneath his hands, as he worked Aaron’s muscles. “You’re good at this,” Aaron admitted.

Robert smiled lightly at Aaron’s compliment: “Thanks.”

Aaron hummed again, before he said, his voice light: “When I pick you up tomorrow night, you can do this every day. Compensation for looking after you.”

Robert chuckled softly at that, a familiar warmth, he only felt when he was with Aaron, spreading through his body. “You wish.”

They heard some stumbling from outside the room and Robert mumbled: “Must be Diane. You want me to stop?”

“Na, it’s fine,” Aaron answered, relaxing even more underneath his touch. Robert moved his attention to Aaron’s neck and he could almost feel Aaron melt under his touch. 

Robert could hear the door to the pub being opened, but not being able to see who it was, he kept his hands on Aaron’s neck. Presumably Aaron had his eyes closed, because he wasn’t moving either, he just kept his head down, giving Robert all the room he needed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here,” Came an all too familiar voice, sounding apologetic and a little flustered. 

Aaron’s head shot up by the sound of that voice, but he didn’t get up or shrugged Robert’s hands from his shoulders. “Paddy,” Aaron said surprised.

“You’re still here,” Paddy commented nervously. 

Robert knew at once, he was talking to and about him and he felt guilty and bad at once. He knew what Paddy thought about him, how many pain he had caused him. Just the thought of what he had done to that man felt him with great shame. 

“I’m not gonna have this discussion again. Robert’s staying. End of,” Aaron suddenly spoke up and Aaron’s words were soothing for Robert’s soul and mind. Even though technically Robert wasn’t staying with Aaron at the moment, it meant a lot to Robert to know Aaron cared enough to stand up for him to the people he held most dear. “What are you doing here anyway?” 

Aaron didn’t wait for a reply but talked on, his voice suddenly filled with worry as if a thought had entered his mind: “Is everything okay with mom?”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s fine. I just wanted to know if you fancied a pint, but I can see you’re busy. So I’ll see you later than, yeah?” Robert heard footsteps walking away from them. He let go of Aaron’s shoulders and walked around the chair Aaron was sitting in. 

“Paddy, wait.” 

He could feel Aaron’s eyes on him, as he took another step towards Paddy. Robert could feel the insecurity and the nerves coursing through his body. He had never done this before. Never felt like he owed it to anybody, never actually meant it. But right now he did mean it, he felt like he needed to say it, that he owed it to Paddy. “I’m sorry.”

The silence dawned on them as Robert’s words hang in the air. Robert buried his hands in his pocket, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the ongoing silence. He bit his lip, before taking another step forwards.

“I’m sorry for everything I did to you. It was never really my intension to hurt you, but I did and I’m sorry.” He moved his head down in shame and cleared his throat before he continued: “I threatened your family and all because you were trying to protect the man you love as your own son. I would never have hurt them, but that doesn’t excuse what I said to you. So I am sorry.”

The silence continued, when he stopped speaking and he could feel his heart pounding hard against his chest. His blood rushed in his ears as he waited for Paddy to say something. But it stayed quiet for so long, Robert started to wonder that maybe he said the wrong thing, maybe it was too soon or maybe Paddy didn’t believe him. Because, who would? Lying was all he had ever done. But he wasn’t lying now, he really needed Paddy to know he meant it, that he was sincere. 

Finally Paddy broke the heavy silence. “Okay, well… good. I mean… alright,” Paddy stuttered, falling over his own words. Robert heard movement by the door, before it became silent again and he heard Paddy’s voice say: “Thank you.” 

The door closed softly and Robert figured Paddy must’ve left. He let go of the breath he had been holding and it felt like some weight got lifted of his shoulders. He heard Aaron moving behind him and Aaron stood still in front of him, touching his arm as he always did. But this time it felt differently, this time Aaron’s touch was warmer and firmer and he didn’t pull away seconds after he had touched him, but just kept on holding him. “Thank you,” Aaron said and Robert heard the sincerity and the gratitude in his voice, but above all he heard the love and incredulity.

Robert moved, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s shoulders. He buried his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck and sighed. After a second Aaron’s hands came to rest on his back, pulling him just a bit closer. Robert fell into Aaron’s warmth, held him as close as he could. Aaron leaned his head on his shoulder and he felt Aaron’s heart beating through his shirt. He took in Aaron’s deodorant and body scent and harboured himself in that scent. He had never felt so save, never felt more at home than in this moment.

Robert pulled back slowly, his hands coming to rest on either side of Aaron’s face. He rested his forehead against Aaron’s, embracing himself in Aaron’s warmth and smell. He moved his head and used his hands to lift up Aaron’s face. He could feel Aaron’s breath on his face, before he pressed his lips softly against Aaron’s. It was a chaste kiss, Robert fitted his lips around Aaron’s bottom lip and softly sucked on it, before he pulled away again. He rested his forehead against Aaron’s again and mumbled softly: “Thank you, for everything.”

He could feel Aaron tensing up after his words and he felt how Aaron started to pull away. Robert grabbed him by his sweater to stop that from happening and rested his hands on Aaron’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?” Robert asked, concerned, feeling like he had said something wrong. He heard Aaron sighing softly before he answered. “It’s nothing. I just...” Aaron fell silent and Robert frowned his forehead. 

“What?” He asked quietly. 

Aaron swallowed loudly: “I just should’ve seen you were struggling. I was supposed to look after you and I failed. I should have helped you cope, but I only made it worse by fighting with you and saying all those things to you. And I-”

“Hey, hey,” Robert said urgently. He moved his hands back to Aaron’s face and tilted Aaron’s head up, even though he couldn’t look at Aaron, it gave him some kind of warmth, knowing Aaron had his eyes on him. “It’s not your fault okay? There’s nothing you could’ve done that would’ve stopped this from happening. I’m just happy, you’re still here, even after everything I put you through these last few months. You were there when I had no one else. I owe you a lot Aaron, more than I could ever give you back.”

Aaron stayed just as tense as before Robert’s words and Robert understood his words were not enough. He knew Aaron always felt guilty, felt like he was to blame when bad things happened to other people. Even if it was misplaced guilt, Robert knew how badly Aaron could react to it, had seen it happen with his own eyes. His voice was honest but urgent when he spoke: “Aaron, I mean it. Nobody blames you. I don’t blame you. It’s… I never talked about it. Never truly told you how I felt, what being blind did to me. I do not want you to beat yourself up over this. I need you, Aaron,” Robert took a deep intake of breath. His heart hammered against his chest. He felt vulnerable by being so honest to Aaron. But he felt like he owed it to Aaron, felt like there was no way back anyway. “I need you to be strong,” His voice was quivering when he said that. He knew what he was asking from Aaron, but also knew, it was the truth. “Because frankly, I’m struggling right now. You know that. There was nothing you could’ve done to prevent this from happening, but you can help me get through this.” Robert was almost surprised, his voice was filled with so much well-hidden emotions, which were suddenly bursting free. “Could you do this for me? Will you help me?”

Robert felt like he was putting his heart out there. He never asked for anybody’s help. Felt like he didn’t need it, shouldn’t need it. He had learnt to do everything on his own. But this was him asking, he just hoped Aaron understood, he hoped Aaron realized he was putting himself out there. He felt vulnerable and insecure, but he needed Aaron to know he really couldn’t do this without him. 

Robert could feel Aaron’s hands coming to rest on his chest, when Aaron took a step closer and his heart sprang open with feelings, somehow knowing by Aaron’s touch, Aaron understood. Aaron’s voice was just as hoarse as Robert’s when he said: “I think I can do that.” Robert could feel the warmth of Aaron’s breath on his face as Aaron took a step closer, closing the distance between them. Robert’s own hands glided to Aaron’s waist. Aaron leaned in and Robert felt the ghost of Aaron’s lips against his, when he heard the sound of a door being opened and Aaron turned around to see who it was. 

“I figured you might be in here, Aaron,” The sound of Diane’s voice entering Robert’s ears. “Paddy’s asked for you, wondered if you wanted to join him.”

Robert could feel Aaron’s eyes resting on him, so he said: “Go on then. I’ll see you later.” He heard Aaron’s footsteps wavering off and he sat down in the chair, Aaron had been sitting in just a few minutes ago. 

Diane joined him. “So what’s going on between you two?” she asked calmly.

Robert moved his hands over his face, asking himself the same question at that moment. If he only knew.


	17. Chapter 17

Aaron walked through the door of the café, to get him and Adam a coffee to go, before he would join Adam at the scrapyard. The moment he entered, he noticed Robert sitting on a couch, facing away from him. Victoria was sitting in front of Robert and waved at him when she saw him. Aaron walked towards them and leaned over the back of the couch, his head next to Robert’s. “Hey, you,” he greeted. Robert turned his head towards him at once, a smile spreading over his face, which nudged at Aaron’s heart. 

“Hey,” Robert answered, genuine happiness in his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting some coffee before work,” Aaron replied, before he moved, stepping over Robert’s legs to plop down beside him. “You?”

“Same,” Robert replied: “But without the go to work part.”

Aaron could feel the sadness radiating from Robert the moment Robert really understood what he had just said. Aaron saw the frustration grow inside of him. Aaron nudged with his foot against Robert’s leg, which caught Robert’s attention. Robert moved his head towards him and gave him a weak, but grateful smile. 

“We’re going to the doctor in fifteen minutes,” Victoria budged in. 

Aaron looked up at her, surprised, before he moved his eyes back to Robert, who was looking not very pleased, his jaw tightened and gritting his teeth. “Vic,” Robert said with a warning undertone. 

“What? It’s true, isn’t it? Nothing to feel ashamed about,” Victoria replied, truly innocent.

Robert clenched his jaw and Aaron noticed Robert had to stop himself from saying something harsh. At that moment Victoria’s phone started ringing and she got up and motioned she would take it outside, as she answered it. 

Aaron put a hand on Robert’s shoulder to get his attention and Robert moved his head in his direction. “You’re gonna be fine,” Aaron stated and he noticed that Robert visibly relaxed after his words. 

Robert smiled weakly. “Nothing against Vic, but I’d rather have you with me,” he confessed softly. 

Aaron smiled to himself, after Robert’s confession, his words meaning more to Aaron than they should. Just like last afternoon, when Robert had said all those things, just because he knew Aaron felt guilty for what had happened to Robert. Robert’s words yesterday had touched Aaron deeply. He knew how hard it was for Robert to ask anybody for help, so that Robert had shown that side to him, that he had actually asked for Aaron’s help because he admitted he couldn’t do this alone, meant a lot to Aaron. Although he still didn’t know how he was going to help Robert, if he was really the best person for that. But he had promised Robert, so he would try. He would find a way to help Robert through this. 

“Weren’t you getting some coffee?” Robert suddenly asked, pulling Aaron from his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I should,” he answered, suddenly realizing he had somewhere he needed to be. He wanted to get up, but Robert’s voice stopped him. 

“I’ll get it,” Robert commented, which made Aaron sit back down. 

“You sure?” Aaron asked surprised, raising an eyebrow, although Robert couldn’t see. 

“Yeah. You’ll stay here. I can do it.” Robert got up and walked slowly towards Bob who was standing behind the counter. Aaron watched Robert talking to Bob, until Victoria appeared again. She noticed in an instant Robert wasn’t there, her eyes scanning the area until she realized Robert was standing at the counter and her eyes widened in surprise. She sat down beside Aaron, at the spot Robert had been sitting only moments ago. “How’d you get him to do that?” she asked. 

Aaron frowned his forehead and shrugged his shoulders. “He offered.”

“Seriously?” Victoria asked surprised: “He never does that with me.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You’re not back on, are you?”

“God, no,” Aaron answered, hastily, half laughing, but he could feel a warmth spreading to his cheeks. 

“Good. Because he has too much on his mind already,” Victoria answered, which made Aaron feel slightly uncomfortable and guilty, knowing how true her words were. “Which reminds me,” Victoria continued, her eyes suddenly begging, which made Aaron almost roll his eyes at her, wondering what she wanted from him, knowing by her face alone she was going to ask him for a favor. “Could you take Robert to the doctor’s? Just got a call from Marlon, says he’s ill and if I could cover his shift. I would go with Robert but-”

“Fine,” Aaron interrupted, sighing, noticing somebody walking past them, realizing a second later it was Chrissie’s son, Lachlan. He unconsciously got up, somehow sensing trouble. He noticed Robert turning around when he realized Lachlan was standing next to him. Robert said something to him, holding two coffee to go’s in his hand, before he wanted to walk back towards Aaron and Victoria. 

Aaron saw it happen, but he was too far away to stop it from happening. Lachlan stuck out his foot and Robert, not being able to see, tripped and fell forwards. The coffee fell out of his hands landing on the ground in front of him. Robert fell with a hard sound on the ground. The whole room fell silent as Aaron moved forwards, ready to help. 

“Get out, boy! I will not have you harassing my clients,” Bob spoke up, having seen what had happened. 

“It’s fine Bob. It was an accident. Right?” Robert chimed in, turning around and sitting up. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Lachlan commented sarcastically, before he walked past Victoria and Aaron. Aaron could just see the smug smile on the boy’s face when he passed him and it took him all his will power not to pull the boy backwards and punch that grin of his face. Instead he walked towards Robert, who was trying to get off of the ground. 

Aaron stood still, blocking Robert from the view of almost all the people in the café. Victoria wanted to walk past him to help Robert, but Aaron stopped her, grabbing her arm gently. “Let him do it on his own,” he whispered in her ear. She looked up at him with big eyes, before she nodded, understanding what he wanted to say. 

“Are you okay?” Bob asked, worriedly. 

Robert got up on his own, regaining his balance. He dusted himself off. “Yes, I’m fine Bob. Thank you,” Robert reacted, his voice filled with fake cheerfulness. But Aaron knew that voice, knew that Robert felt embarrassed and his pride was hurt. It had made him even more self-aware that he was helpless, that people could do him harm without him noticing beforehand. 

“Rob? Are you sure you’re okay?” Victoria asked again, now walking towards him. 

“Yes, Vic. I’m fine,” Robert answered as calmly as he could, but Aaron could hear Robert’s patience was running thin. 

“Good,” Victoria just said, biting her lower lip.

“Can we go now,” Robert said, his words sounding more like a demand than a question. 

“Yeah, about that…” Victoria said hesitantly, her eyes flickering to Aaron’s for a moment. “I just asked Aaron if he could take you instead to, well you know,” Victoria said, nervously. “Marlon’s ill and asked me to cover. Do you mind?”

“No it’s fine,” Robert sighed. Although Robert had admitted he didn’t mind Aaron going with him, Aaron knew Robert was only agreeing in that moment because he wanted to get out of there, as soon as possible.

“Here ya go. It’s on the house,” Bob suddenly jumped in, putting two new coffee on the counter.

“Thanks, Bob,” Robert replied. He searched with his hands for the cups, until Bob put them in his hands. 

“Your welcome,” Bob answered. Victoria smiled gratefully at him, before she turned to Robert again. Aaron noticed Robert really wanted to leave right now, the firm grip Robert had on the coffee cups was the only indication Aaron needed. 

“Alright, see you tonight then,” Victoria stated, kissing Robert softly on the cheek, before moving and leaving the café. 

“Aaron, you’re there?” Robert asked, his voice harsh and low.

“Yep,” was the only thing Aaron said. 

“Good, let’s go,” Robert said, following Victoria out of the café. 

Aaron followed him outside. Robert reached out his hand and Aaron took one of the coffees out of his hands. He took a sip, before he grabbed Robert’s hand without much thought. Robert didn’t even flinch at the sudden contact. 

“You don’t have to do this. I can ask Diane to come with me. I’ll be fine,” Robert huffed out, as Aaron guided Robert towards his car. 

“I know you will be,” Aaron stated calmly.

“So go do, whatever it is you’re doing nowadays,” Robert continued in the same voice.

“I’m just gonna get you to the doctors and back, then I’ll be gone.”

“I don’t need your help,” Robert suddenly snapped. 

Aaron huffed out a laugh and said: “It doesn’t matter how many times you’re gonna lash out at me, I’m coming with you. End of.”

“I hate you,” Robert muttered under his breath, but it was halfheartedly.

“Then you’re not hating me hard enough mate,” Aaron replied nonchalantly and Aaron noticed the edges of Robert’s mouth turning upwards as if he had to stop himself from smiling. Aaron shook his own head in amusement.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with,” Robert sighed. 

xXx

They were sitting in one of the boots in the pub. It was raining outside, raindrops tapping hard against the windows of the pub. It was already dark outside, the rainclouds having darkened the world. Aaron didn’t really mind, he liked the rain, how it washed everything clean, how you could get soaking wet in seconds. He liked the scent when he got outside after it had just rained. There was no scent that compared to it, like everything was pure again. 

Aaron looked up at Robert, who was sitting next to him. Their thighs were pressed together, but they both didn’t seem to mind. Robert had even hooked his foot around Aaron’s ankle. The connection was strange for Aaron, but wanted nevertheless. 

They had picked up Robert’s things from Victoria’s place, so Robert was living with him again. To make it up to his sister for leaving her, Robert had invited her and Adam over for a drink in the pub. So here they were. Victoria and Adam were talking about their day, while Aaron was staring in his glass. He still didn’t know what he should do with his mixed up feelings regarding Robert. But he knew he was coming close to forgiving him for everything he had done. Especially after Robert had apologized to Paddy, sincerely, without a hidden agenda or because Aaron had told him to. He had done it, because he wanted to, felt like he owed it to Paddy. Aaron could still hardly believe he had truly heard those words leave Robert’s mouth. When he had left, to meet with Paddy, Paddy had even been more flabbergasted by Robert’s apology than Aaron. Aaron understood when Paddy had told him he had a hard time believing him, but knowing Paddy, Aaron knew he had it in his heart to forgive Robert eventually. 

He was started out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his own hand. “What are you thinking about?” Robert asked, calmly, but a bit curious. 

Aaron wondered what he should say, if he should tell him the truth or should outright lie. He settled for a vague answer. “You.”

Robert’s face lit up and a small smile tucked at his lips. “Hm. Good thoughts?”

Aaron laughed softly, before replying honestly: “I’m not sure yet.”

Robert’s face fell for a split second, but Aaron noticed and felt bad for being so honest. But Robert seemed to gather himself again, because he leaned in, his hand coming to rest on Aaron’s thigh and he whispered near Aaron’s ear: “Thanks for going with me today.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders, feeling the warmth of Robert’s hand through his trousers. “It wasn’t that hard, just had to drive you there and back. You did the rest.” Robert had been silent on the way back, but eventually he had grudgingly told Aaron the doctor had told him to see a therapist. Aaron had figured the folders Robert had been holding were for some therapists nearby. 

Robert smiled lightly. “Glad you were there though,” he mumbled honestly. 

“Glad to have been of your service,” Aaron joked, his eyes glistering warm as he looked at Robert. A small laugh escaped Robert’s lips and Aaron’s heart filled with warmth at that sound. Hearing Robert laugh was a rare gift these days and Aaron cherished every time it happened.

“Do you two mind?” Adam suddenly asked. 

“What?” Aaron looked up to his best friend for a moment, raising his eyebrows in surprise, vaguely noticing Victoria wasn’t there anymore, before returning his eyes to Robert. Robert had removed his hand from his thigh and was frowning lightly at Adam. Aaron could just see Robert’s raised eyebrows above the bandages, indicating he had no idea himself where Adam was going on about.

Robert leaned in, to whisper something in his ear, his hand coming to rest on Aaron’s thigh again, for support. “Where’s he talking about?” Robert asked in earnest, his warm breath tickling Aaron’s ear. 

Aaron just shrugged his shoulders, playing with the fingers of Robert’s other hand, which laid on the table. 

“Look, you’re happy,” Adam said, rubbing at his eyes with one hand. “I get that. Hell, I’m happy too. It was about damn time you two worked out your issues.”

Aaron frowned at his best friend, somehow already knowing where he was indicating on.

“But you two are worse than a couple of newlyweds,” Adam finished, undeterred.

All Aaron could do at that moment was stare blankly at his best mate, while he could feel Robert tensing up beside him. 

“Oh, come on Aaron, you can’t tell me you’re not,” Adam joked, but Aaron just stared at his mate, not knowing what to say. Suddenly it seemed like Adam caught on, because his mouth slightly opened in disbelieve, before he stammered: “Oh, I’m sorry mate. I thought- well, the way you’re acting around each other- oh well, never mind.” Adam got up in one fluid movement, looking slightly embarrassed and left for the loo. 

“What was that about?” Robert asked the moment Adam left. “Did he really think we-”

“Looks like it, yeah,” Aaron answered, his eyes still resting on the door Adam had disappeared through.

“Well, then he’s way off, isn’t he?” Robert joked lightly, but Aaron heard the real question in his voice, wanting Aaron to tell him he was wrong. 

“Yeah. Yeah, he is,” Aaron answered, the good mood leaving his body as he said that. He noticed Robert’s face fell, but he couldn’t take his words back anymore. The moment had passed to tell Robert that, maybe, they could be more after all.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos and of course, thank you for all the lovely comments! <3

“Can’t we just go back? I don’t see the point in all of this,” Robert complained as he walked side to side with Aaron. 

“Nope,” Aaron replied nonchalant, apparently Robert’s constant begging and complaining to go back, wasn’t effecting Aaron at all. “You can do this. Just get us some sugar and butter. I’ll be waiting right here.” At that moment Aaron stopped walking and Robert figured they had reached their destination. David’s shop.

Robert crumbled, feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders again. It had been two days since he moved back in with Aaron. Even though he had lived with Victoria for a few days, it was unbelievable how easy they had fallen back into their own routine. The only difference was that Aaron kept a closer eye on him, urged him to talk about things more and was more patient when Robert lashed out or was in a foul mood. Robert had told Aaron one night, why he had locked himself into that room, what had been going through his mind. It had been one of the hardest conversations he had ever had, but Aaron hadn’t judged him, had just listened to him. It had helped Robert in a way, he couldn’t really put into words.

Robert had also, with some help of Aaron, called a therapist. He had an appointment in four days. Only thinking about it, absolutely mortified him. This morning he had almost decided he wouldn’t go through with it, until Aaron had talked him out of it. 

In the meantime Aaron had thought of a different way of helping Robert cope. He would let Robert do a lot of things on his own, without him lifting a finger. He would just lean against the wall or the counter and watch Robert struggle. It had caused for Robert to lash out more than once, but Aaron hadn’t backed off and Robert had to admit it was helping him and gave him more confidence. It helped him because he was not feeling completely useless anymore. 

But what Aaron was asking from him now, went against all Robert’s principles. It just felt wrong and all his guards were up. If he could, he would just turn around and walk away, but he couldn’t, so he had no other choice than to stay. He had gone to the shop a thousand times before, when he still had his sight, but this was different, now he had to ask for help. He sighed inwardly, before he focused his attention back on Aaron. “So what do I get when I do this?”

“So you want a reward now?” Aaron asked, his voice teasing: “What are you, a dog?”

“Funny, but no,” Robert replied, slightly annoyed because Aaron was mocking him. 

“Alright,” Aaron said, his tone turning serious again. Robert could feel Aaron moving in, grabbing his jacket to pull him in closer. Aaron’s close presence calmed him slightly down. Aaron tightened his grip on Robert’s jacket, as if he wanted to make sure Robert’s attention was completely focused on him. Aaron’s voice was low and soft when he spoke again: “Ask for something.”

Robert frowned his forehead, trying to understand what Aaron meant. He had the feeling Aaron was trying to tell him something, without really telling him. Robert knew it didn’t really make sense, but he felt like he was right about that. 

He was a little hesitant to open his mouth, feeling he could say something wrong if he didn’t watch it. But he also felt like he didn’t really have anything to lose anymore. “A kiss,” Robert said, swallowing loudly, knowing fully well where he was asking for. “From you.”

Aaron laughed softly, as if he couldn’t quite believe Robert had actually asked for that. Before he replied calmly: “Fine.”

Robert was a bit taken aback by the easiness Aaron had just said yes to his request. He noticed his mouth was slightly hanging open, so he closed it at once. “Okay,” he said, after clearing his throat.

“Okay. Now go,” Aaron said, a laugh in his voice. Robert took a deep intake of breath, before he walked slowly towards the entrance and disappeared inside. 

xXx

Aaron was moving from one foot to the other, impatiently waiting for Robert to return. Somehow he was just as nervous as Robert had been when they had set out to do this. He knew it was very challenging for Robert, but Aaron was convinced he needed to help Robert cope, if he would never get his sight back. And Aaron knew the change of that happening became smaller by the day. 

It was strangely comfortable having Robert staying at the pub again. It brought him more peace now Robert was close by. It made it easier to keep an eye on him and to be there for him. Although he woke up by every strangled noise Robert made in the bedroom next to his, he hadn’t slept this good in weeks. Which said a lot about Aaron’s own state of mind the last few weeks. 

Aaron couldn’t quite put under words what was happening between the two of them, but he felt like they were growing closer and he knew he was letting Robert in again. He was slowly letting his guard down around Robert and it felt nice that they were just giving it both the time it needed. They hadn’t established anything and Aaron was okay with that. They both needed time to fully acknowledge what was happening between them, if they both wanted this. Too much had happened between them, not to be cautious.

That was when Robert appeared again. Aaron was by his side as soon as he noticed him. “So, how did it go?” Aaron asked cautious but curious. 

“Sugar and butter. Here ya go,” Robert replied, while a small smile appeared on his face. He was holding the two products in his hands. 

“See, told ya, you could do it,” Aaron answered, Robert’s smile making him smile as well. 

“Yeah, you did,” Robert admitted. “It wasn’t that difficult, I suppose. I just had to ask for help like you said.”

“Which is fucking hard for you,” Aaron stated, knowing it was true, but at the same time happy Robert had put aside his pride to do this, to ask for help from somebody else than him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert said quasi annoyed, before he moved his hand and pulled something away from under his arm. “And I got you this.” Robert handed something to him and Aaron noticed it was a magazine, about cars. 

“How’d ya know-,” Aaron started, surprised when he noticed it was the magazine he sometimes bought.

“I didn’t. I asked David if he had any magazines about cars. He gave me this one,” Robert interrupted, clearly a bit pleased with himself because he had surprised Aaron with it. 

“Ta,” Aaron just said, still a bit surprised Robert had bought something for him, but also slightly touched. Aaron folded the magazine under his arm and took the sugar from Robert, so he could grab Robert’s hand. They started to walk back to the pub. Aaron was happy Robert had done what he had asked and had succeeded. A few days ago Aaron would’ve thought Robert wouldn’t even had gone through with it. He knew Robert still struggled with accepting his blindness. This just felt like a good step in the right direction. 

He suddenly realized he had promised Robert a kiss as a reward. He thought it was funny that was the thing Robert had asked for, knowing fully well what it would mean if they would kiss and were it could lead to. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Robert suddenly said, which started Aaron out of his mind. 

“I could tell,” Aaron joked, which made Robert turn his head towards him, a frown appearing on his forehead. “Shut up. I’m being serious here,” Robert replied, sounding slightly annoyed. 

“Go on then,” Aaron said, not totally able to keep the amusement out of his voice.

“I would, if you would stop joking around,” Robert answered, now sounding clearly offended. 

Aaron sighed, the well-known annoyance growing in his chest, but he knew from experience Robert was trying to tell him something important, something which made him feel vulnerable, which made him act like a prat. “Alright,” Aaron said, keeping his voice serious. “Tell me.” 

Robert took a deep intake of breath before he opened his mouth. “I just thought that maybe, if I stay like this…” Aaron could hear Robert swallow loudly and Aaron unconsciously tightened his grip on Robert’s hand, to let him now he was there. Robert squeezed back, letting Aaron know he appreciated Aaron’s gesture. “I thought…,” Robert continued, his voice now a bit stronger. “Maybe we could look for a guide dog, so I could have more freedom and could do things on my own.”

Aaron heard the vulnerability in Robert’s voice, but he was glad Robert was finally thinking about what he could do to improve his life. It was good to know Robert was finally thinking about the future. Although it also awoke a deep sadness in Aaron, knowing he might never get to see the twinkle in Robert’s eyes or feel Robert’s eyes on him again. “Sounds good,” Aaron replied calmly and smiled, warm but sad. 

His answer made for Robert to smile back, a warm genuine smile, which told Aaron Robert was grateful he wasn’t mocking him for his idea, but even supported it. It made Aaron’s heart warm up with happiness, the sadness fading away. 

They had almost reached the Woolpack when Aaron noticed a car standing in front of the pub. He recognized the woman who got out of the car at once. He hoped she hadn’t seen them, but he knew it was a lost cause when she stopped closing the door for a moment and their eyes met for a split second, before her eyes came to rest on Robert’s and his intertwined hands. She presumably made a decision, because she suddenly started to walk towards them. Aaron wished he could warn Robert or that he could make himself scares, but he knew the inevitable was going to happen. Chrissie was coming their way.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much! You know for what ;)

Robert could feel the sudden tightening of Aaron’s hand around his hand and he was wondering what was going on, knowing something was wrong, by the way Aaron was squeezing his hand. He was about to ask what was up when he heard an all too familiar voice. “Hello Robert. Aaron.” Robert could hear the complete dislike in the way she said both their names. 

“Chrissie,” Robert replied, quite shocked by the sudden appearance of his wife and without thinking he let go of Aaron’s hand, immediately missing the warmth and strength he was getting from Aaron. 

“I see you are doing well for yourself,” Chrissie scolded, her voice filled with venom. 

Robert huffed at the implication in her voice, knowing she had no idea where he had been going through the last few weeks, hating the assumptions she was making. “Yeah feeling right as a rain lately. It’s great I can’t see a thing.” Robert knew he was sounding accusing, but the tone in her voice just rubbed him the wrong way. 

“That never should have happened,” Chrissie said, her voice suddenly turning apologetic. “I’m sorry for what happened to you. I just don’t know how it all spiralled so out of control.” Robert couldn’t help but feeling sorry for her. It wasn’t supposed to end the way it had. He knew he had driven her to it. She hadn’t been thinking straight when she had put that car on fire and all because he had been provoking her, all because he hadn’t been able to make a choice between her and Aaron. 

So instead of making her feel even worse than she already did, he asked: “So how are you doing?”

“I’ve got a hearing tomorrow at court. So you can tell I’m doing excellent,” Chrissie answered sarcastically. 

“You want me to be there?” His words were spoken completely on instinct. He felt bad she had ended up in this mess because of him and a part of him still wanted to protect her. 

“No, no it’s fine. I can handle it myself. Dad is going to be there,” Chrissie said hurriedly: “Besides you are one of the victims, so I can’t see the use of you being there.”

“But maybe it’s a good thing to have me on your team. So they’ll see not everybody holds you responsible for what happened,” Robert replied. He didn’t want to see her go to prison. Even though he wasn’t with her anymore, maybe even didn’t love her anymore, he still cared for her. 

“I’m sorry Robert, but we are not a team,” Chrissie answered: “I just need for you to stay away.” He heard her walking away from them, her high heels ticking on the ground as she did so. Robert sighed inwardly. Nobody couldn’t tell him he hadn’t tried to make amends. Maybe it had been a lame attempt, but at least he had tried. He was startled when Aaron suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him along. 

“Aaron, what’s wrong?” he asked bewildered, trying to keep up with Aaron’s pace. He could hear Aaron opening the backdoor of the pub, guiding him inside.

“Nothing,” Aaron huffed out, but Robert could hear the clear anger in his voice, which made him wonder what he had done wrong now, almost terrified of the answer. But still he asked: “Tell me, what I have done now?” 

xXx

Aaron closed the door and he looked at Robert, who had seriously just asked him what he had done wrong, like he had now idea at all. The moment he had seen Chrissie all the insecurity and concern about his relationship with Robert had come back to the surface. And now Robert had even proposed to help her, like he still owed her anything after what she had done to him. His voice was harsh and filled with hurt when he spoke: “I can’t believe you actually offered to help her. She was the one who caused all of it. She made you lose your sight.”

Aaron heard Robert sighing, which only made Aaron more agitated. He clenched his jaw as Robert answered: “It’s not entirely her fault. I made her life a hell. She doesn’t deserve this.”

“So you think she should get away with it?” Aaron huffed out. He knew he was starting a fight if he kept going like this, but Chrissie had always come first on Robert’s list. Even now they were finally getting on the right track, Robert had almost found a way to worm himself back into her life. And he just couldn’t handle that anymore, had had to for all those months, but now he was done. 

“I never said anything like that. I just want to help her,” Aaron heard Robert tried to keep his voice calm, but could also hear him losing his patience. 

“Well, I don’t see her helping you,” Aaron pushed on and he noticed he hit a nerve there. It was true, he had looked after Robert all this time, while she had run off to her sister. She hadn’t even called Robert, hadn’t even visited him and suddenly Robert wanted to help her? Aaron just couldn’t understand why. 

“Why are we even talking about this? She turned me down,” Robert said, and Aaron understood Robert was trying to end this conversation, before it could turn ugly. But Aaron wanted to talk about it, needed to talk about it. He needed to know if Robert still loved Chrissie. Because if he did, Aaron had no idea how to handle that, but he knew if Robert did, he had no other choice than to walk away. 

“That’s not the point! She did this to you, why can’t you see that?!” Aaron replied, angrily. 

“I know Aaron. But I needed to try and make things right, don’t you understand? I owe her that much,” Robert answered in agitation. 

“You don’t owe her anything!” Aaron pointed out.

“I do. She is my wife Aaron. I cheated on her!”

“I can’t believe this!” Aaron cried out in exasperation. He moved his hands over his face, just to make his mind shut up. But he couldn’t. Hearing Robert calling Chrissie his wife after everything, awoke something deep and ugly inside of Aaron. 

“What? That I still care about her? Of course I do Aaron. But that doesn’t change anything,” Robert answered weary, presumably tired of the conversation. But his words hit home and Aaron wasn’t able to speak for a moment, Robert’s words hurting more than Aaron could completely comprehend at that moment. “Of course it changes things! I can’t believe I thought you and I…” Aaron’s voice broke and he could feel the tears stuck in his throat. 

“What? Aaron, please tell what you think,” Robert asked, suddenly his voice filled with exasperation. “Because I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what this thing is between you and me for more than a week now, but I’ve got no idea where I’m standing.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say, because he didn’t know the answer, didn’t know what Robert wanted to hear, not after hearing that he still cared for Chrissie, even after everything they had been through. He noticed Robert bit his lower lip and nodded his head once, as if Aaron’s silence told him all he needed to know. But that gesture made Aaron realize what he was throwing away in an instant, because he hadn’t told Robert what was really on his mind. Robert started to move towards the stairs, trying to find the banister with his hand. Aaron knew that if he didn’t open his mouth right now, he would never get the chance to say it ever again and he needed to know. “Robert wait.”

Robert turned around slowly, turning his face towards Aaron. Robert looked sad, hurt even and Aaron’s heart contracted painfully by the sight. He took a deep breath, before he said honestly: “I don’t know what we are. I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know if you’re over Chrissie. Because can you tell me you are? Can you tell me, you want to be with me, that we can be like a normal couple?” Aaron’s heart was beating rapidly against his chest as he finished speaking, knowing damn well, he was putting his heart on the line right now, telling Robert what he eventually wanted from him, asking him if he could ever want the same thing. 

Robert stayed silent and his silence broke Aaron’s heart in pieces. He had to bite hard on his lower lip to stop himself from crying, his eyes already filling up with tears. His chest tightened and he had to fight hard to keep his voice calm. “Exactly. Meeting Chrissie today made you realize all you have lost even more than before. You let my hand go Robert, because you were afraid of what she might think of you.”

“Of course I was afraid! This is all new for me. I don’t know how to do this. I am still married to her, Aaron, for God’s sake!” 

“Do you miss her?” Aaron asked in all earnest, needing to know the answer, but dreading the answer at the same time. 

“Yes, no, I don’t know!” Robert cried out agitated. “Maybe I just miss the old me, the one who had everything, who could do anything. Yes, I miss that. I mean, that was my life Aaron.”

“Great,” Aaron snarled, the hurt inside his chest making him lash out: “So why don’t you just go back to your perfect little life and leave me the hell alone!” Aaron moved to go upstairs, not willing to deal with it all. He didn’t want to feel the doubt that even after everything he still wasn’t good enough for Robert. That Robert would always crave more than he could give him. But Robert somehow sensed Aaron wanted to leave, because he took a step forwards, blocking Aaron’s way to the stairs. Even though he was mad at Robert, he couldn’t ignore the feelings Robert’s close presence awoke in him. “Wait. I’m not done yet,” Robert said, his voice suddenly soft and insecure. 

A tear rolled down Aaron’s cheek and his voice cracked when he spoke: “I can’t do this. I won’t be fucked around no more. Not after everything.”

Robert took a step forwards, somehow sensing Aaron was upset. “I’m not with her anymore.”

“No, but that’s not by choice. You would still be with her, if I hadn’t told her about the affair,” he heard the desperation in his own voice, but right now, he couldn’t really care. 

Robert moved closer towards him, his voice pleading when he spoke: “Aaron, please. I need ya.”

Aaron could feel the tears in his eyes, the pain in his chest trying to find a way out. “Yes, you need me to look after you. To clean up your mess, like it’s always been.”

“No!” Robert cried out, his hands coming to rest on either side of Aaron’s face and Aaron didn’t even have the energy to push Robert away, a big part of him needing Robert’s touch. “That’s not what this is. You’re the one who gets me through every single day. You’re the one who keeps me sane.”

Aaron was speechless for a moment, he hadn’t expected Robert to say that, hadn’t even known Robert really thought that way, saw him that way. But Aaron could tell, by the desperation in Robert’s voice, that he was telling the truth. 

“Please Aaron, I can’t do this without you,” Robert begged, his voice soft and trembling lightly. 

Aaron took a deep breath, trying to contain himself. He wanted to give Robert everything he had, but he couldn’t, not when Chrissie was still standing between him, not when Robert wasn’t able to tell him he wanted to be with him, that he could be with him like Aaron wanted. He pulled away from Robert’s touch, taking a step back. He saw the hurtful expression run over Robert’s face, but he couldn’t give Robert what he needed, so he said: “I promised I wouldn’t leave you and I won’t, but you need to figure out what you want, Robert.”

Robert’s jaw clenched for a second before he swallowed. “So do you,” he replied and Aaron realized how untrue Robert’s words were, because deep down he already knew what he wanted, he was just too afraid to say it out loud. And now he couldn’t say it, because he feared what Robert’s answer would be. So he said the only thing he could think off. “I know,” he softly mumbled back. 

Robert just nodded once, before he moved his hands into his pockets. “So, what now?” he asked, his voice weary. 

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Aaron answered honestly, leaving the choice to Robert. 

“Friends?” Robert replied, hesitantly.

“Friends?” Aaron asked incredulous, a part of him thinking Robert was actually joking. 

“Yeah. For now,” Robert answered, still with a hesitant undertone in his voice.

Aaron was taken aback for a moment, not really knowing how to answer that. His eyes wavered over Robert’s face, realizing how sad and lonely he looked. It lurched at Aaron’s heart and before he could stop himself, he had already opened his mouth.

“Alright,” Aaron replied. He didn’t really know what he should think of being friends with Robert, but he saw no other option right now. He had never thought he would ever agree on being friends with Robert. Yes, they got on, they knew each other better than anyone else, but he had never thought friendship with Robert would ever be plausible. He had no idea how to be friends with Robert, had never seen Robert as just a friend. Still here they were. They both needed each other’s presence, but they still were too far apart to become something more than friends. So maybe this was a good start.

They were still standing in the hallway, their heavy conversation still hanging in the air. Aaron didn’t know how to break that silence, had no idea what to do now. Eventually he just said: “So, a beer?”

Robert smiled lightly as if he hadn’t expected those words coming from Aaron’s lips, although Aaron could see the sadness behind that smile. “Yeah, why not,” Robert answered.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter ;) Enjoy reading!

“Oh god,” Robert rasped out, slamming the empty shot glass onto the bar top. “That was _awful_. Why does anyone do this?” They were both sitting in the pub at the bar. After their argument about Chrissie and establishing a friendship between them, they had been drinking for the fair share of the evening, starting in the back room with a few beers and a film and after two hours moving to the pub itself, to sit at the bar. Somehow Aaron had found it a good idea to start drinking shots just minutes ago. Robert couldn’t even remember when he had drank one for the last time and now he remembered why, the fiery heat burning through his insides.

Aaron laughed and threw back his own shot, chasing it with his beer. “I told you to chase it,” he said, when Robert could hear him setting the glass down.

“Haven’t done this in a very long time. Wanted to get the full experience,” Robert commented honestly, regretting his decision.

“Yeah, how did that work for you?” Aaron answered, a laugh in his voice.

“Terrible,” Robert chuckled and leaned on the bar with his elbows, leaning his head in his hands. He could already feel his face getting warm, the pleasant tingling beneath his skin that he’d felt once or twice before at one of Lawrence’s ‘parties’, when he had been so bored he had been drinking too much. He had never liked the feeling much before, the way it had made him feel too warm all over, had made him loosen the knot in his tie and had made him want to ask people things he’d _never_ ask them if he was in full control. Not that he ever _had_ asked, he had never lost his self-control like _that_.

But with Aaron, Robert didn’t feel like he had to worry so much- which was probably worrying in its own sense, but Robert knew he needed to accept now that most things in his world leaned more toward the fucked up side of life and he had to make as much peace with it as he could. This thing he and Aaron had, whatever messed up, unspoken thing they seemed to have between them right now, was not something Robert could change at the moment. Robert was the one who had brought up the whole ‘just friends’ thing. He didn’t really know why he hadn’t told Aaron he really did want to be with him. Maybe he really was afraid to take that step, to take that risk. He knew he had to open up his heart completely if he ever wanted to be with Aaron and he just didn’t know if he could. Meeting Chrissie today had made him realize fully what he had lost. So maybe being friends with Aaron wasn’t such a bad thing right now. If that was all they could be for now, Robert would take it. Aaron at least didn’t hate him anymore, so he was not going to complain, not right now anyway.

“ _You_ are thinking again,” Aaron muttered, knocking into Robert with his shoulder and even in Robert’s not very sober mind, he could tell Aaron was looking out for him, making sure he wouldn’t get too gloomy. They were getting on just fine right now, which surprised Robert a bit after their heavy argument this afternoon. But he wasn’t going to protest.

Aaron just accepted him as he was, which made Robert appreciate him even more. Aaron’s tone changed suddenly to joyful when he said: “Another shot, Moira.” Moira was covering behind the bar this evening because Diane had deserved a night off. She had tried to tell them, they probably had had enough, but they both had waved her off, having too much of a great time to worry about anything else.

“No,” Robert groaned after Aaron’s words, burying his face in his hands, already feeling that last shot going to his head: “I won’t survive it.”

“Too bad,” Aaron laughed, gliding another shot towards Robert.

xXx

“I _can_ walk,” Robert insisted, pulling his elbow out of Aaron’s grasp and standing up straight. He put one foot in front of the other and walked straight into the doorpost. It made him giggle softly, the sound leaving his mouth feeling foreign, but unbelievably good.

“You just giggled,” Aaron said a bit slurry, voice filled with amusement as he pulled Robert away from the door.

Robert frowned and decided to forfeit his right as a walking, upright person, leaning against Aaron as they walked into the back room of the pub, although he could tell Aaron had some difficulty holding his weight, for he was far from sober himself. “M’not a girl,” Robert dragged out.

“Would make a pretty one, though,” Aaron said, slurring a little as he chuckled softly. “Could totally pull it off.”

“Shut up,” Robert replied, as he felt with his hand for the door which led to the hallway. He opened it and they almost fell through it, both chuckling and shushing the other as they tried to regain their balance. They really had drunk too much. “You know, the room is spinning, even though I can’t see a thing,” Robert admitted, in a happy haze.

“That’s weird,” Aaron commented, still laughing. “Your brain’s weird.” They were walking up the stairs now, leaning on each other like they both could fall over any second.

“Your fault. You made me drink all those shots,” Robert replied, slurring his words.

“True,” Aaron answered near his ear, his warm breath tickling Robert’s face. “You liked them though.”

“I like _you_ ,” Robert confessed, feeling brave because of the alcohol in his system, but also knowing how true his words were, leaning his head against Aaron’s head. They reached the top of the stairs and walked towards Aaron’s bedroom.

“I like you too,” Aaron replied, his confession making Robert’s heart jump up. Robert leaned against the wall next to Aaron’s bedroom door. Aaron was standing in front him.

“Yeah?” Robert asked excited like a little kid. He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn’t really care.

“Yes, I like you,” Aaron repeated, a fist coming softly down on Robert’s chest.

Robert chuckled softly at that, not really understanding what Aaron was trying to say, just happy that Aaron liked him in some kind of way. “You still owe me a kiss though,” Robert said, suddenly remembering that through the fussy clouds in his brain.

“I do, don’t I,” Aaron reacted, chuckling softly as if he didn’t mind at all that Robert brought that up. He put a step closer to Robert, Robert’s body reacting immediately by the warmth of Aaron’s body.

“Yep,” Robert answered, slurring the word slightly. “Yeah, you do.”

Aaron took another step closer and Robert could feel Aaron’s warm breath on his face. “You want it now?” Aaron muttered softly.

“Can I have it now?”

“We’ll see,” Aaron chuckled softly and Robert couldn’t help but chuckle himself, not really knowing what was so funny about the moment, but feeling the need to laugh nonetheless. Aaron leaned in, leaning with his hands against Robert chest for support. He brushed his lips feathery light against Robert’s and Robert’s breath got caught in his throat. Robert chased Aaron’s lips when Aaron pulled away. Robert could feel his happy mood turn into something hotter. Their breathing mingled as their faces were only inches apart.

Robert couldn’t really tell who was the one to move forwards, but suddenly their lips were brushing against each other again. In seconds they were clinging like magnets, Robert’s hands holding Aaron’s head in place, pulling him just a bit closer. Robert’s head was spinning and not only because of the alcohol. He wanted Aaron. Right now.

xXx

He was kissing Robert and Robert was kissing him back. It was the only coherent thought Aaron had right now, his mind too foggy from the alcohol to really think about the consequences. He just knew that it felt way too good. And he needed more. Loved every slight movement of Robert against him as they kissed. Aaron kissed him with all he had, lost in a wave of warmth that burnt right through him. Tongues swirling, a wet taste that was fast becoming an addiction. It was all around Aaron and he revelled in it, running his hands down Robert’s chest and towards his back. Robert’s hands marked their own path up Aaron’s neck to tilt his head back, warm fingers fitting around his jaw like they were made for just that.

And then Robert grinded against him, circular motion of hips against Aaron’s and Aaron felt it, a line of heat that shot straight to his cock, hardening immediately. He grabbed the front of Robert’s shirt, hands scrabbling to twist in the material as he dragged Robert to him, open mouthed and wet and as welcoming as he could possibly be. Robert groaned into the kiss, grabbed Aaron’s face and spiralled his tongue into Aaron’s mouth, heat burning right through Aaron and he couldn’t believe how unbelievably keyed up he felt, how hard he had become at just the thought of Robert against him, Robert touching him, him touching Robert.

Alright, so he wasn’t really thinking straight and he probably shouldn’t be doing this, but it felt like his whole body had been waiting for this moment to happen and now it was finally there, Aaron found he wasn’t able to stop. He had missed this so much, had told his body he didn’t need Robert’s touch or caresses, didn’t need Robert’s mouth on his or his skin underneath his hands. But he realized how wrong he had been, how much he had craved for this, needed it as much as he needed oxygen to breathe.

He opened the door to his bedroom, with some difficulty, before he moved them both inside his room, kicking the door close with his foot. They didn’t stop kissing as he walked Robert backwards to the bed. He dragged his fingers along Robert’s hard on through his trousers. Robert groaned again, bit Aaron’s lower lip hard enough to sting, licked over the swell as his hands roved over Aaron’s back, gripping his ass for a moment before Aaron pushed him down on the bed and crawled over him, kissing him again, licking his way inside Robert’s mouth. He tasted beer and tequila and something else, something totally Robert, the taste only turning Aaron on even more.

Aaron slid down Robert’s body, pulling Robert shoes and socks off before tearing at the zipper of his trousers with fervour. Robert was thrusting his hips upward, making it easier for Aaron to yank his trousers off, throwing them somewhere on the ground. He moved back up, kissing Robert messy and sloppy, his fingers fidgeting with the buttons of Robert’s shirt, until he had enough and just pulled it over Robert’s head. Aaron moved his mouth to Robert’s neck, sucking a mark on his skin, which left Robert squirming beneath him. He made a path of opened mouthed kisses over Robert’s neck, collarbone and chest, until he had reached his destination. He pulled Robert’s boxers off, breathing hot against the inside of Robert’s thigh, looking over the hot, hard flesh of Robert’s cock. Aaron looked up at Robert’s face, grinning by the sight, Robert had tilted his head backwards, his hands grasping the sheets, blissed out. Aaron licked tentatively at the head of Robert’s cock, then took it into his mouth, and sucked, hard and fast.

Robert’s reaction was instantaneous, his hips lifted and he moved his hands into Aaron’s hair, his nails scraping lightly at the back of his scalp. Robert inhaled sharply with a soft: “Fucking hell, Aaron.”

It was quite difficult with a half drowsy brain, a little sloppy, but Aaron got the hang of it as fast as he could, licked along the length of Robert, tonguing at the underside of the head, every bit of his mouth tight suction and controlled licks. He choked a little bit, and Robert’s hands worried at his face but he didn’t stop, went down with more effort, forced himself to relax.

And fuck if Robert didn’t taste and felt like heaven on his tongue. Skin hot enough to scorch and the entirety of his cock so big. But it was Robert’s reaction which turned Aaron on even more, head lolling, hair messy and the noises he made, groans that got caught and strangled in his throat before he let them escape.

Aaron bobbed up and down, and as if Robert could no longer contain himself, he groaned loudly: “God, feels so good.”

Aaron just moaned, couldn’t really be bothered to do more. He pulled back for just a moment and Robert groaned again as Aaron licked at his inner thigh, inhaled the scent of Robert, musk and sweat mixed together.

Aaron smiled, hearing that sound falling from Robert’s lips, pulling his own hoodie off, feeling too warm to keep it on. Aaron sucked another mark into Robert’s skin and a light shiver ran through Robert’s body as Robert bit on his lower lip. Aaron smirked to himself before he sucked Robert back down, hollowed out his cheeks and sucked hard and Robert’s hips thrust upward and forward, cock hitting the back of Aaron’s throat, head hot, spit slick. Aaron tried to keep from gagging, but tears leaked out of his eyes and fuck it hurt, but he was not stopping, not for anything.

Robert’s hands scraped at the back of his scalp, Robert groaning loudly and his entire body went rigid, hot come shooting straight to the back of Aaron’s throat and Aaron swallowed as much as he could. Robert’s come tasted like salt mixed with some other foreign element, and Aaron might never get used to how thick it felt, but it was also kind of hot, even as he struggled to swallow it all, throat working, tongue laving.

“Fuck.” Robert finally let go of his head and laid his own head down on the pillow. “Fuck Aaron. Just, fuck.”

Aaron released Robert’s cock from his mouth, letting go with an obscene wet popping noise that Robert moaned at, limbs loose. Aaron smiled smugly, his throat and mouth felt sore and his jaw cracked slightly when he closed it but he felt a happy buzz all over, not really sure if it was because he was drunk or turned on. Maybe both.

He moved to kick his own shoes off before he laid down on his back beside Robert, not as gently as he would have been if he had been sober, but right now he didn’t really care. He moved his head, to look at Robert’s face through half closed eyes. Robert was still lying on his back and Aaron wondered if Robert had fallen asleep, his hard-on pressing painfully against his trousers.

Suddenly Robert moved to his side, facing Aaron. Robert had a lazy smile on his face which made Aaron smile in return, even though Robert wouldn’t be able to see.

Robert reached out his hand and laid it down on his face, thumb pushing against his bottom lip and pulling down, catching on the inner meat and then disappearing again, replacing his thumb with his lips as Robert moved in. Robert didn’t kiss him like Aaron had thought he would. It was warm and lazy and a little bit sloppy, but it felt so good and Aaron moaned into Robert’s mouth. Aaron felt a shift in the sheets, as Robert moved on top of him and his heart jumped when tentative fingertips brushed down from his neck to his hips. Robert scraped his teeth along the edge of Aaron’s ear and he could _feel_ Robert’s grin as his mouth travelled from his ear lobe to his neck.

Robert made Aaron regress to silent gasps and shudders, licking and sucking his neck, before Robert’s hands moved under the hem of Aaron’s T-shirt and Robert pulled it over his head. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Robert’s hands on his bare skin, Robert’s lips back on his neck, shivers running down his spine from the feeling alone.

He felt Robert fiddling with the button of his trousers, pulling the zipper down. Robert shifted again, his mouth now travelling over Aaron’s chest, his tongue leaving saliva all over his chest, which made Aaron feel hot all over. When Robert reached his destination, Aaron was holding on to his pillow by the sensation Robert’s mouth and tongue awoke in him. Robert pulled Aaron’s trousers off and his boxers followed a second later. Robert wrapped a hand around Aaron’s dick, placed his mouth around the head of Aaron’s dick, and _sucked_.

His mouth was a sin on Aaron’s cock and the feeling made Aaron lose his fucking mind. He could explode right then and there, pressure building up deep inside of him and the sensation expanded and stretched against his skin, hot and wanting.

“God just keep…” Aaron’s words stuttered off and he smacked his palms down, digging his fingers into the sheets. Robert licked a hot line against the large vein of his cock, which made Aaron jolt again.

Robert moved back up, crawling on all fours so he leaned over Aaron and Aaron knew there would never be anything hotter than this, Robert’s mouth wet and swollen and slick with saliva and Aaron’s pre-come. Aaron just felt dizzy and drowsy all at once just by the sight of him.

Robert moved his head down to lick at Aaron’s neck, the same tongue that had been sucking on Aaron’s cock just ten seconds ago, and Aaron’s head fell back, as he bit his lip.

Robert moved back down Aaron’s body, licking and sucking and dropping open mouthed kisses. His fingers continued to stroke in an upward and downward motion along the lines of Aaron’s body. Aaron was so turned on right now, cock aching, he couldn’t even form any coherent thoughts at all.

Robert locked his mouth around Aaron’s cock again and slid all the way down, the movement slow and all-encompassing. Aaron’s eyes flew open and he uttered a rather loud and surprised: “Fuck!”

A pressure built up inside of Aaron, that felt _good_ , fucking amazing even. Robert went so slow, sucking Aaron down at a leisurely pace and gently squeezing Aaron’s thigh and it was too much. Too fucking much and Aaron knew he was going to come hard.

Because it was _Robert_ going down on Aaron, It was Robert who was all around him and Aaron had never felt so comfortable with anyone before in his life. Because Robert knew what Aaron wanted, how he wanted it. Robert knew his body, knew what would drive Aaron absolutely insane. Robert knew him better than anybody else. Robert knew about his scars and had never backed away. Because Robert had scars of his own, invisible ones, but scars nonetheless.

And yeah, maybe it was because Robert looked fucking obscene with his lips around Aaron’s cock, sucking hard as his cheeks hollowed out. Robert enveloped him with his mouth and suddenly moaned around Aaron’s dick, the wet heat vibrating around the sensitive flesh and Aaron moaned with him, hips thrusting upward and he couldn’t, he didn’t know how to control it anymore.

He was close, he could feel it, and for some reason, Aaron needed to touch Robert, because he needed something to hold on to, some kind of gravity. But with Robert’s mouth sucking fast and sharp, Aaron was short on options, so he grabbed onto the only thing he could reach, which turned out to be the back of Robert’s head, feeling the bandages underneath the palm of his hand.

He didn’t mean to be so violent, but with the sounds Robert made, Aaron couldn’t help it. He gentled his grip then, cradled the back of Robert’s head with his hands, scratching over Robert’s scalp just barely because he knew Robert liked it when he did that.

Robert stopped moving for a moment, like he wasn’t expecting Aaron to reach out like that, before he twisted his tongue in a way, which drove Aaron completely insane. The assaulting image of Robert smirking, while sucking down his cock was too much for Aaron, and he came blindingly hard, hips churning as he gasped out and swore incoherently and fucked into the heat of Robert’s mouth.

Robert swallowed it all, just as Aaron had done, as Aaron rode out his orgasm, his hand still on the back of Robert’s head. Aaron’s body fell back on the bed, completely washed out and Robert let go off Aaron’s cock, Aaron hissing lightly as he did so. Robert crawled up and lay himself down on his stomach next to Aaron, one leg between Aaron’s thighs and his face close to Aaron’s. Aaron just lay there for a moment, eyes closed, as he tried to regain his breathing. He had a smirk on his face, his body glowing from his orgasm. Robert draped an arm around Aaron’s torso, pressing a kiss on Aaron’s shoulder.

Aaron moved a bit to pull the sheets from under them, Robert making protesting sounds as he did so, as he had to move again. When they were laying under the sheets, Robert crawled back in the same spot and Aaron kissed Robert’s hair, before he closed his eyes and fell to sleep immediately, his arm draped over Robert’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were a bit overdue on this, weren't we? ;p


	21. Chapter 21

Robert groaned softly as his mind woke up. There was a dull headache beating against the inside of his skull, sheets were tangled around his legs and an arm draped around his chest. His mind sprang fully awake when that thought entered his mind. He moved immediately, trying to detangle the sheets from around his legs to get up, but stopped in his track when a voice grumbled: “What?” 

Robert knew that voice, but that didn’t explain why he was in his bed. Robert sat up straight, burying his face in his hands. He heard the soft ruffling of sheets and Robert figured he had sat up straight. 

“Robert,” Aaron said, his voice still rough from sleep. Robert noticed his stomach was protesting heavily by the movement of sitting upright and he groaned softly. He moved a hand through his hair, before he let himself fall back down on the bed. “God, what the hell happened?” Robert asked, pressing his hands against the sides of his head, trying to stop the beating in his skull. 

“You really need me to tell you?” Aaron answered and that was when Robert noticed he was completely naked underneath the sheets. 

“O God. This wasn’t meant to happen, was it?” Robert asked, mixed feelings settling in his chest. He didn’t really know how to feel about them having sex, especially after what had happened yesterday. 

“Not really, no,” Aaron sighed next to him and Robert realized Aaron had laid himself back down next to him, which made a part of Robert want to snuggle right back up against him. Not that that was really an option right now, because they had just messed up the whole ‘friendship’ thing. 

Robert frowned his forehead, his brain still a little fuzzy: “Where are we exactly?”

“My room,” Aaron answered, amusement threading his voice. 

“Thank God,” Robert sighed relieved.

He heard Aaron laugh after his words, before Aaron asked, amusement still in his voice: “Where did you think we were?”

“I don’t know,” Robert replied, slightly embarrassed, but it was hard to know where he was when he couldn’t actually see his surroundings. The only thing Robert could think of to change the subject was to ask a question: “How much did we drink last night?”

“A lot,” Aaron replied, his voice still filled with amusement and Robert wondered what was so funny. He didn’t find it funny, he found it rather disturbing. He didn’t mind sleeping with Aaron, on the contrary, he had wanted to sleep with Aaron for quite a while now. But he didn’t want to do it when he was drunk and he couldn’t quite remember clearly what really happened. “Do you remember anything?” Robert asked cautiously. 

“Bit vague on the details, but yeah, I remember,” Aaron answered, his tone slightly more serious now: “You?”

Robert wrecked his brain, trying to remember what had happened. He remembered them drinking at the bar, shots, walking upstairs and then… “We kissed,” Robert said out loud. 

“Yep. And you sucked me off,” Aaron replied nonchalantly. 

Robert raised his eyebrows in surprise before he frowned his forehead: “I did?” 

“You seriously don’t remember?” Aaron asked, his voice light, but Robert could hear the slight hurt undertone in his voice. 

“I remember getting turned on when you kissed me and I remember your body on mine when you pushed me onto the bed, but the rest is all a bit blurry,” Robert admitted honestly. 

“Well, now we established who can hold his liquor better,” Aaron joked, a laugh in his voice. 

“Shut up. I’m just not used to drinking that much,” Robert confessed, slightly annoyed by Aaron’s tone of voice. 

Aaron just hummed in response. Robert yawned, stretching his body, which caused for the sheets to move slightly downwards. Robert could almost feel Aaron’s heated gaze on his body. Robert turned on his side towards Aaron, his head protesting by the sudden movement, making him groan out loud.

“Headache?” Aaron suddenly asked, his voice concerned.

“Terrible,” Robert replied, sighing loudly. 

“Me too,” Aaron answered, before he moved out of bed. Robert heard Aaron moving around the room, presumably looking for his clothes.

“We’re you going?” Robert asked, suddenly worried and on edge. He knew they both couldn’t just keep on lying on the bed like this, but Aaron suddenly getting up, made Robert want to pull him back down immediately. 

But Aaron’s words surprised him and brought his mind at ease at the same time. “Gonna make us some coffee and I don’t know about you, but I can use an aspirin.”

“You mind if I stay here?” Robert asked, a little insecure. 

“Na, it’s fine,” Aaron answered casually. Robert heard the ruffling of clothes, before he heard the opening of a door and Aaron’s voice again, saying: “I’ll be right back. 

The door closed behind him and Robert was left alone with his thoughts. 

xXx

Aaron was making coffee, feeling quite happy. He couldn’t really tell why. Maybe it was because he had had sex the night before, maybe it was because he had slept amazingly well, or maybe it had something to with the fact, he had finally made his mind up. He knew there was a lot still unsaid between them, above all about their fight about Chrissie. But Aaron wasn’t going to give up on Robert anymore. He knew he wanted to be with Robert, had wanted that for as long as he could remember. It was weird that a night of drunken sex would make him finally realize that he needed to fight for Robert, that he wanted them to work everything out so they could finally be together. But he had finally realized what he wanted, he had finally made his mind up. 

Aaron was very conscious about how Robert thought about it. He knew it was hard for him and he had enough to deal with already, but they had time. Aaron would give Robert all the time he needed. Aaron knew they had a change. Yesterday, during the film, he had thought about all the different things they had done together, all the things they had talked about. He knew Robert cared deeply for him and for once in his life, Aaron was going to fight for what he wanted. 

He knew he was taking a big risk, could get his heart broken again. But he also knew he would regret it the rest of his life if he didn’t give this thing with Robert a try at all. 

The coffee was done and he poured it in two mugs. He noticed, by the clock on the wall, it was already two in the afternoon. He shook his head lightly, knowing he had slept half the day away, before he walked back upstairs with the two mugs and grabbed the aspirin from the bathroom, before entering his bedroom again. Robert was lying on his back on the bed, the sheets low around his hips, giving Aaron a good view on Robert’s naked torso. He felt a rush of want running through his veins, smiling lightly at the sight. He put his mug on the nightstand, together with the aspirin, before climbing back on the bed. Robert sat up straight by the sounds Aaron made, leaning back against the headboard. Aaron reached out his hand, putting the mug in Robert’s hand. “Here ya go,” He mumbled, before reaching behind him to grab his own mug. 

“Thanks,” Robert muttered, there was clearly something bothering him, Aaron could see it in the way Robert’s jaw was clenched and his shoulders were hunched. So he asked: “What’s up?”

Robert sighed, frowning his forehead lightly as if he was contemplating if he should tell Aaron. Aaron could see the moment Robert made a decision as he bit his lower lip and said: “Why are you not upset about this?”

“We were drunk, Robert. These things happen,” Aaron said honestly, but even he could hear the amusement in his voice. 

“So it doesn’t mean anything to you?” Robert asked, his voice suddenly insecure and vulnerable.

Aaron sighed, before he said: “Of course it does.” He cleared his throat uncomfortable, still not used to being so straightforward when it came to feelings, before he added: “It means a lot.”

Robert nodded once, before he smiled lightly and mumbled: “Good.” Aaron smiled when he noticed Robert’s smile. “Well, the whole ‘just friends’ thing, clearly doesn’t work,” Robert added, half- jokingly. 

Aaron hummed in agreement, smiling lightly: “Might be right about that.”

Robert smirked at that, which made Aaron’s heart jump up in joy. They would find a way to be together. Aaron was sure of it. 

xXx

“So how does it look?” Robert asked. They were in the bathroom, Robert was sitting on the toilet seat and Aaron was looking at his wound. Aaron had just showered, which made him feel more like a human again, after waking this morning with a headache, smelling like alcohol and sex. 

Aaron moved Robert’s head, just so he could look at it properly. “Like I said yesterday, I think, it’s closed.”

“You think,” Robert commented sarcastically. 

“I’m not an expert in these kind of things, Robert,” Aaron answered, slightly annoyed, before taking a deep breath. His voice turned softer when he spoke on: “It’s closed. Healed, however you say it.” Aaron moved a finger softly over the still red tissue of Robert’s face. It still looked raw, and the scars would stay there for life, but they were not more than three inches. Robert shivered slightly when Aaron let his finger run over it and Aaron pulled his hand back at once. 

“Can you bandage it again, please?” Robert asked, after a moment. 

Aaron frowned his forehead, asking: “Why? Now your wound his healed, you don’t need-”

“Just don’t argue on this with me. Please, Aaron.” Robert voice sounded weary, but determined. 

“Fine, but you’re gonna tell me why,” Aaron replied, before moving out of the bathroom, to retrieve the bandages. When he entered the bathroom again, he just noticed Robert was touching his eyes and the scars on the side of his face, before Robert sat up straight when he realized Aaron had entered again. 

Aaron dropped the bandages on the washbasin, before leaning against it. “Alright, shoot,” Aaron said, knowing something was up with Robert. 

Robert sighed heavily, moving his hand over his forehead, before he said: “When I don’t wear those bandages, people will be able to see my eyes. People will stare even worse than before. I know you don’t like looking at my eyes, I know you hate it every time you have to remove the bandages.”

“I never said I-” Aaron started, but he was interrupted by Robert: “You didn’t have to. I don’t know what it’s like to look at my eyes, but I know it can’t be a pretty sight. I just don’t want anybody else but you to see it. That’s all.”

Aaron sighed, but he understood what Robert meant. “Alright. I’ll bandage your eyes again,” Aaron replied. His eyes wavered over Robert’s face. Robert’s eyes were open, but he had still not given any indication he was seeing anything. It filled Aaron with a great sadness. It also gave him an idea, not sure if Robert would support the idea, he contemplated if he should even bring it up. Eventually he just reasoned he didn’t really have anything to lose. “Maybe we could get you sunglasses in the near future though. If you want,” Aaron heard the hesitation in his own voice. He didn’t look at Robert when he said it, his eyes focused on the bandages, still in their casing. He could understand Robert’s reasoning, wanting him to bandage his eyes again. He understood Robert didn’t want to show the world how vulnerable he really was. 

Aaron’s noticed out of the corner of his eye, Robert nodding his head after Aaron’s words and Aaron sighed relieved. He picked up the bandages, to get them out of their casing, but Robert’s voice stopped him: “There’s something I have to say.” 

Aaron turned around and noticed Robert had stood up and was taking a step towards him. He stood still a few inches away from him, burying his hands in his pocket before he continued: “You know what I said to you about Chrissie yesterday… I didn’t mean to. And you are right, she caused this, but I drove her to it, Aaron. I’m just as responsible for it as she is. And me trying to help her, is just me trying to make amends. Just trying to say sorry, I guess. But I didn’t mean to hurt you, Aaron. You’re the last person I want to do that to.”

Aaron smiled sadly, knowing what Robert meant, what Robert had been trying to tell him yesterday. But right now Aaron could listen to him, now his insecurity had decreased and he didn’t feel so hurt. “I didn’t want to fight with ya. But after everything, you and her… it just gets under my skin,” Aaron admitted honestly. 

“I’m sorry Aaron,” Robert’s voice sounded sincere as he spoke. “But you know you are more important to me than she is, right?”

“Yeah?” Aaron asked and he couldn’t help his voice sounded hopeful, Robert’s words making his heart beat faster. He needed to know Robert cared for him, he had needed to know he was more important to Robert than Chrissie. 

“Hmhm, I’m quite sure,” Robert answered, a smile tucking at his lips. Aaron smiled lightly as Robert grabbed his hoodie with his fingers and pulled him closer. But halfway Robert stopped pulling him towards him and moved his head around the room. “Aaron, are there lights on?” Robert suddenly asked.

“Yeah. Why?” Aaron asked surprised, wondering what was going on, a hopeful flicker sparkling up inside his chest. 

“Can you put them off, please?” Robert replied, a deep frown appearing on his face. 

Aaron frowned his forehead, before moving out of Robert’s grasp. He turned the light switch off and looked at Robert. Robert was squinting his eyes, before he said: “Can you turn it on again?”

Aaron turned the lights back on and asked curiously and hopeful: “And? Do you see something?”

Robert blinked with his eyes a few times, before he shrugged his shoulders: “I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just imaging things.”

“You’re kidding right? You see light or you don’t. It doesn’t seem that hard to me,” Aaron answered nonchalantly, trying to cover up the annoyance which started to seep through his veins. He didn’t understand why Robert was acting so strange, was being so vague, as if it didn’t really matter if he would get his sight back or not. He should be jumping up and down from happiness. Instead he was acting as if it wasn’t happening at all. 

“Just bandage my eyes will ya?” Robert just said, his voice just as annoyed as Aaron was feeling at the moment. 

Aaron frowned his forehead, surprised by Robert’s sudden change of voice, trying to understand what was going on. Robert’s jaw was clenched and Aaron knew if he would go on about it now, they would probably end up fighting. He sighed inaudibly, moving forwards to bandage Robert’s eyes. He was going to let it go for now, but this conversation wasn’t over yet. Not by a long shot.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading and leaving kudos. Special thanks to everyone who has left comments, you have no idea how much that means to me. Enjoy the new chapter!

Robert was eating lunch at the kitchen table in the back of the pub. Diane had just left, leaving him alone with his food and thoughts. He didn’t know what he had to do. He was almost sure he had seen light yesterday afternoon. He had waited for that to happen the moment he had woken up in that hospital bed, but now it was finally there, he almost hoped he was imagining things. He knew what would happen if he got his sight back. Aaron would leave him. Or he had to leave Aaron, because there would be no good reason to stay around. 

Aaron had always been clear on the fact he would look after him, because he needed help. But if he would get his sight back, there was no reason for Aaron to stay. Even though they got on better now, Aaron hadn’t told him he had forgiven him for everything Robert had done to him. Robert couldn’t see them ever being together, not if their history was still standing between them. Robert knew Aaron still cared for him, but Aaron’s words in the lodge still haunted his mind. The way Aaron had looked when he had told him he didn’t love him, how he had spit out the words with so much venom, it still sent chills down Robert’s spine just thinking about it. 

And maybe a part of him was afraid too. After talking to Chrissie, he knew there was not a lot left from his old life. He had no idea what he should do with his life if he would get his sight back. He had worked so hard to get to the point where he had been, before everything had fallen down around him. He hated this insecurity he felt when he thought about his future. He had finally been able to handle the thought he would never get his sight back, had even tentatively talked to Aaron about things he had thought he needed to make his life a bit better. He had almost known for certain, Aaron would stay by his side if he would stay blind all his life. But now everything was going to be turned around again. It wasn’t like he didn’t want his sight back, he just wished that for once in his life things wouldn’t just change like that, like he had no say about it. Like he wasn’t in control. 

He was started out of his mind when a door got opened and somebody walked inside. “Who’s there?” Robert asked, suspicious. He hated it when people entered if he didn’t know who it was. 

“Don’t worry, just me,” he heard Aaron say. He heard the ruffling of something and he presumed Aaron pulled off his jacket. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Robert commented, his tone harsher than he intended, but he couldn’t shake the feelings his thoughts had awoken in him. 

“I was, just wanted to grab some lunch,” Aaron answered calmly, which made Robert even more annoyed. For some reason he wanted Aaron to be just as annoyed at him, he needed a good reason to yell. So he snarled: “You came to check on me, you mean.”

“Yes, that’s what I’m doing,” Aaron answered calmly, but honestly, moving to the kitchen.

Robert leaned back into his chair, moving his hands over his face, trying to hide his surprised smile after Aaron’s answer. “Why do you always have to be so annoyingly honest?”

“Because I hate lying,” Aaron responded immediately. 

“Ouch,” Robert muttered under his breath, but Aaron probably heard him, because he was laughing softly. Robert heard some moving around in the kitchen, before Aaron sat himself down next to him at the dinner table. A silence fell as they both ate their lunch. Aaron was the one who eventually broke it. “So did ya see light or not?” Aaron asked hesitantly. 

Robert sighed. He had been dreading for Aaron to bring it up again. Yesterday Aaron hadn’t brought it up again, Robert sensing he hadn’t wanted to ruin the mood and when Robert had come down this morning Aaron had already been gone to work. But he knew Aaron knew there was something wrong. Sometimes it was annoying Aaron knew him so well. “Can we just pretend it didn’t happen,” Robert said, slightly annoyed. 

“Well, you didn’t imagine it, did ya?” Aaron asked.

“I don’t think so. I’m not sure.” Robert moved a hand over his face, before he added: “Maybe I did.”

“But maybe you didn’t,” Aaron pushed on. 

“Aaron, can we please stop talking about it?” Robert sighed.

“Why?” 

“Just because,” Robert muttered, but he could almost feel Aaron scowling at him. Knowing too well Aaron would push until he had dragged the answer out of him, but still not willing to tell Aaron the whole truth, he said weary: “I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ve done that too many times already. Can’t do it again. I just don’t have the energy or the strength to be let down again.” He took a deep breath, before he added softly: “I just can’t handle it.”

“But what if you are getting your sight back-,” Aaron started.

“Yes, and what if I don’t?” Robert interrupted. He swallowed. “Maybe it’s time to think about what I’m gonna do if I stay this way forever.”

“Robert.” Robert could feel Aaron’s hand on his arm, in a comforting way. “You might get your sight back. This is a reason to be hopeful again, but instead you’re getting down. So tell me what’s wrong.”

Robert shook his head, fully aware Aaron had seen right through him and his words. He sighed, before he softly answered: “It’s stupid.”

“Tell me,” Aaron commanded softly.

Robert bit his lip, before he mumbled softly: “Even if I get my sight back, nothing has changed, not really. I’ll still have lost everything. And I know it’s my own fault. But that doesn’t make it any easier.”

“Robert, what are you talking about?”

Robert took a shaky breath. He didn’t even know why he said it, revealing so much to Aaron made him feel vulnerable, but he knew deep down Aaron wouldn’t judge him. He knew he owed Aaron a good explanation. His voice was soft when he spoke: “You don’t have to have anything to do with me anymore. You’ll have no reason to look after me. I’ll have no reason to stay here.” Robert’s chest tightened when he finally said it out loud. “Can’t you see, if I get my sight back, I’ll be all on my own again. I’ll be alone.”

xXx

Aaron was flabbergasted by Robert’s words. He felt a stab of pain in his heart, hurt by the thought Robert would even think he would just leave him like that. He could not believe, after everything they had been through, Robert would still think he would just leave him. As if Robert didn’t mean the world to him, as if Aaron could just walk away like that. “I never said I would-“

“You didn’t have to, I mean, after everything I put you through, I would leave me too. Even the last few weeks, I gave you hell,” Robert’s voice sounded sad and quiet, making Aaron’s mind go back to those moments in Victoria’s house, when Robert had locked himself in his room, to never get out again. 

“Robert, I promised you I wouldn’t leave you and I’m still here, aren’t I?” Aaron said, urgently, needing for Robert to understand he wasn’t going anywhere, not if Robert didn’t want him to. 

Robert leaned with his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. “I know. I’m sorry.” Robert took a deep intake of breath, his voice trembling lightly as he continued: “I am so sorry for everything I put you through. If I could undo it, I would.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize,” Aaron’s voice was trembling as well when he spoke the words, Robert’s words awakening something deep inside of him. He looked up at Robert, biting his lower lip before he said: “Not anymore.”

There appeared a deep frown on Robert’s forehead, as if he couldn’t really comprehend what Aaron was trying to say. “What are yo-”

“I forgive you,” Aaron interrupted, knowing his words were true. He had forgiven Robert for everything that had happened between them. He would never forget, not ever. But he loved Robert too deeply to hold their past against him. Saying the words, lifted a weight from Aaron’s shoulders. He had the feeling he could breathe a little better again, knowing that with saying those words he had finally set them free. Maybe had even opened a path to a future together. 

Robert’s mouth was hanging slightly open, as if he had a difficult time processing Aaron’s words. “What?” Robert frowned his forehead, licking his lips nervously, his voice sounding hoarse. “What are you saying?”

Aaron swallowed loudly, trying to choose his words carefully, knowing everything depended on what he would say right now. “I mean that I want us to start over. That I want us to try again, from the start. If you want to.” Aaron knew full well, he was putting his heart on the line here. That everything depended on Robert’s answer, that he could get his heart broken again, if Robert would feel differently.

Robert’s mouth was still hanging open as if hadn’t heard Aaron correctly. Suddenly he closed it again, swallowing loudly. “Yeah. Yes I do,” Robert answered, a smile spreading over his face, before it slightly faded. “Are you sure? I mean, are you sure you can put everything behind you?”

Aaron smiled lightly, before he replied: “Yes I’m sure.” And he was sure, he had never been more sure about anything. He knew he had been kidding himself all that time, that he would find a way to get over Robert. He knew now he never would. The love he felt for Robert was too deep, he loved him with every fibre of his being. He knew they had been through hell, but somehow he knew Robert better now, because of that. He knew he would never be able to give up on him, he would never stop loving him, no matter what. Robert had not only gotten under his skin, he was running through his veins, was the air Aaron needed to breathe. He couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore. He knew their relationship hadn’t been healthy, but Aaron was convinced that could change. He needed the faith they could both change, so they could do this. Being together. 

The smile returned on Robert’s face and Aaron could do nothing more than reach out his hand and follow the shape of Robert’s lips with his thumb. He leaned in and Robert’s smile only turned wider, when he realized what was about to happen, until suddenly Aaron’s phone started ringing. Aaron sighed annoyed and dropped his hand, while searching for his phone with his other hand. When he found it, he wanted to put it off, until he noticed who was calling him. He answered it, while he noticed Robert’s smile had faded from his lips again. 

“Hello Paddy. Everything okay?” Aaron asked.

“Aaron, I’m sorry. But you need to get to the hospital. It’s Chas.”


	23. Chapter 23

Aaron was running through the halls of the hospital, jumping out of the way for people and beds, until he finally saw Paddy entering his sight. Paddy stood up from the place he had been sitting when he recognized Aaron. Aaron slowed his pace, when he almost reached him and asked anguished: “Where is she? What happened?” He heard the tremble in his own voice.

“I just talked to one of the doctors. They’re doing tests on her right now,” Paddy said, his voice filled with worry and compassion.

“What happened?” Aaron asked again. He had to bite his lower lip just to stop himself from crying. He didn’t even know how he had gotten to the hospital in one piece. There had just been one thing on his mind, his mom. He hadn’t even spoken a word to Robert, had just left the second he had hung up the phone. Robert’s voice was still ringing in his ears, calling his name, when Aaron had just ran outside, without a word.

“We were practicing walking, because she had been sitting in a wheelchair for all those weeks, when she spoke about feeling light headed and having trouble breathing. And then she just suddenly fainted. I’m sorry Aaron,” Paddy spoke softly, his worried eyes focused on Aaron.

Aaron sat down on one of the plastic chairs, burying his face in his hands. He should’ve been there for his mother, but instead he had been too preoccupied with Robert. The last time he had even spoken to his mom he had been angry, had said things he hadn’t meant to say. What if the last thing he would’ve said to her, were words spoken in anger? He could never live with himself if that would become true.

He never should’ve been so stubborn, should’ve gone to see how she was doing. He should’ve talked to her, to make things right. Instead he had lost himself in Robert again, had been looking after him, when he should have been looking after his mother. And now he could lose her. He couldn’t handle losing his mother, didn’t know what to do if he would.

Tears started to blur his vision, his hands were shaking lightly as he moved them over his face. He could feel Paddy’s close presence and a hand on his shoulder, before he was pulled into an embrace. He let the tears fall as he hugged Paddy back.

xXx

Aaron was driving home, having spent the late afternoon and evening at the hospital. He was regretting this decision, the moment he had put his foot down on the gas. He had been told by the doctor, they had to run more tests on his mom and that she wouldn’t be able to see anybody tonight, as she was too weak. The doctor hadn’t told him what was wrong with Chas, still hadn’t been able to, that was why they had to run more tests. Aaron had wanted to stay all night if he had to, just to know if his mother was going to be fine. The only reason he was going home right now, was because Paddy had stated he wouldn’t be of much use for his mother the next day if he hadn’t slept at all and had argued there was nothing he could do for her anyway. So he was on his way home now, wanting to turn back more with every mile he drove.

xXx

“Aaron? You alright?” Robert asked nervously as he opened the door to Aaron’s bedroom and paused in the doorway. Aaron had gone upstairs the moment he had come back from the hospital, slamming the door when he had entered his bedroom. Robert had wanted to go and check on Aaron right that moment, but Diane had stopped him, stating Aaron maybe just needed some time alone. Robert had scowled at that, but had listened to her and had spent the evening on the couch with Diane, watching something unbelievably dull.

But now Diane had gone to bed, Robert felt like he needed to make sure Aaron was alright. He had learned from Diane that they still knew nothing about what was wrong with Chas, as she had spoken to Paddy on the phone that evening. Robert had been surprised to hear Aaron even coming home, because he knew Aaron was worried sick about his mom. So here he was, waiting for an answer to his question. But it remained silent and Robert figured maybe Aaron wasn’t there after all, had left the house without him noticing. He cursed silently, not for the first time annoyed he wasn’t able to see anything. He sighed heavily, before he closed the door again.

Just before he let the door fall in the lock, he heard something that sounded like a sob. He opened the door again and walked inside slowly, closing the door behind him.

“Aaron?” He asked again, voice softer than before.

“Go away,” Aaron answered harshly, but Robert could hear the tears in his voice.

“Don’t think so,” Robert replied, his heart aching by the sound of Aaron’s voice. He walked slowly towards the bed, guessing by the sound of Aaron’s voice, Aaron was lying on the bed. He searched for the bed with his hand and sat down on the matrass when he felt the soft material of Aaron’s blankets underneath his fingertips. He was only sitting there for a few seconds when Aaron almost pushed him off again with his foot. “Go away, Robert. I don’t want you here.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert answered. He moved up the bed and lay himself down beside Aaron. It didn’t go as smoothly as planned, bumping his head against the headboard, but eventually he lay next to Aaron on the bed.

“Seriously Robert, get lost,” Aaron said, his voice sounding tight now, like he was fighting back tears.

“No,” Robert stated, moving closer to Aaron.

“Fine. Then I’ll go,” Aaron said. Robert could hear Aaron getting up from the bed and walking to the door. Robert scrambled up from the bed and got up after Aaron. He reached out his hand, in a lame attempt to stop Aaron from leaving and by some kind of miracle got a hold of Aaron’s arm.

It took Robert a lot of his strength to hold his grip on Aaron’s arm, as Aaron was fighting his hold. “Aaron. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Don’t say shit like that, Robert. You don’t know that. It’s bullshit,” Aaron replied angrily.

“I know. You’re right,” Robert admitted calmly. Aaron huffed, but he slightly relaxed in Robert’s grasp.

“If there’s anything I can do-” Robert started, but he was interrupted by Aaron.

“You can’t. She could die, Robert. I could lose her. I don’t know how I would cope without her,” Aaron admitted, his voice turning small in the last sentence, trembling with fear.

Robert nodded, not really knowing what to say. He pulled Aaron closer by his arm and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. After a few hesitant moments Robert could feel Aaron’s hands on his back, before Aaron leaned his weight into Robert’s, relaxing in his arms.

Robert remembered the first and only time he had done this, holding Aaron just for the main purpose of calming him down and being there for him. Nothing else. Cain had had an aneurysm back then, but this was Aaron’s mum, which made it ten times worse for Aaron.

“We’ll figure it out. It’ll be fine,” Robert muttered, near Aaron’s ear, unconsciously using the same words Aaron had said to him underneath that shower days ago and Aaron made a strangled noise, his hands clenching in the fabric of Robert’s shirt. Robert pulled him even closer to his body, knowing Aaron was silently crying, his body trembling softly in Robert’s arms.

They stood there for a while, Robert just holding him close, moving his hands over Aaron’s back in a comforting way every now and again, until eventually Aaron pulled away.

“We should get some sleep,” Aaron whispered hoarsely.

“Yeah, we should,” Robert muttered back, his voice just as rough as Aaron’s. Knowing Aaron was in so much pain, tightened his chest.

“You could leave now. I’ll be okay,” Aaron stated, but his voice was so soft, Robert immediately shook his head.

“I’m not leaving you on your own now,” he answered firmly.

“Fine,” Aaron sighed, sounding weary, apparently too tired to argue with him. “Stay here then.”

Robert just nodded, before he said: “I’m just gonna brush my teeth, be right back.”

He left the room on touch and returned ten minutes later. Aaron brushed past him after Robert returned, muttering something about being right back.

Robert pulled off his shirt, trousers and socks, now wearing nothing but his boxers. He knew he probably should find something more substantial to wear, but knowing how much time that would cost him, he decided he could just sleep in his boxers, hoping Aaron wouldn’t mind that much. He climbed into Aaron’s bed, the coolness of the blankets and matrass making him shiver lightly. He lay himself down on one of the pillows and waited until Aaron would return.

He did, five minutes later. Robert heard the sound of the light switch and knew Aaron had turned off the lights. He heard Aaron shuffling around the room for a moment, before he felt the matrass dip and the ruffling of the blankets. Silence fell around them and Robert listened to Aaron’s soft breathing next to him for a while.

“Good night,” he eventually mumbled softly into the dark, before he moved to his side, turning away from Aaron, pulling the blankets over his shoulder.

“Night,” Aaron muttered back in a low voice, still clearly awake.

Robert listened to Aaron’s steady breathing behind him, until he fell asleep.

xXx

Robert was awakened by a warm hand running feathery light over his side and he knew in an instant it was Aaron touching him, making him wide awake in seconds. His breathing accelerated, wondering what Aaron wanted, what he was doing. He didn’t move, just lay there, feeling Aaron shifting closer towards him. The pressure on his skin increased which made him shiver slightly in anticipation. He wondered for a moment how long he had been sleeping, until he felt Aaron’s lips on his skin and the thought left his mind.

Robert knew Aaron was in a bad place right now and he knew he shouldn’t let him touch him like this when he was upset. But somehow he couldn’t make himself pull away or speak the words which were on his mind. His body was reacting to every heated touch from Aaron. Aaron’s hand slid up from his side to his shoulder, pushing until Robert rolled onto his back.

Aaron moved a hand, caressing the side of Robert’s face. Robert could feel Aaron leaning in slowly, before Aaron kissed him. And after just a heartbeat Robert kissed him back.

The kiss was warm and familiar, it was welcome, genuine affection. It was good.

Robert moaned softly as Aaron’s hand ghosted over the side of Robert’s face, fingers sliding along his jaw and tilting his mouth just so and then shifting to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Robert couldn’t help reciprocating, moving his hand under the hem of Aaron’s T-shirt to touch the soft skin underneath it. The feeling of Aaron’s skin underneath his fingertips sent an electric tingle through his body and he opened his mouth in a muted gasp.

Aaron’s tongue dipped inside at that exact moment. It had been a while since Aaron had stolen Robert’s breath like that and it left his head spinning. If it had been anybody else, Robert would be terrified of his body’s violent responses, but he knew he always reacted to Aaron this way and right now he was pretty much incapable of putting an end to this. He wanted to breathe Aaron in, wanted to drink him down and hold him inside forever, where he wouldn’t ever get lost or wander away.

The kiss turned into kisses, slowly gaining momentum and heat and this- this felt right, so he was willing to go with it. He arched up as Aaron’s hand slid down his chest and onto his stomach, where it paused, resting lightly and building up heat beneath Robert’s skin.

Robert squirmed, hungry for something he couldn’t define, and then gasped in surprise as Aaron moved on top of him, one hard thigh slipping between Robert’s like it belonged there. And Robert should really push Aaron away right now, because he knew Aaron would regret this in the morning. But somehow he couldn’t push Aaron off him. Somehow, Robert inched his legs wider and moaned into Aaron’s mouth.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t felt more of Aaron than this, with fewer bits of clothing between them ( _although his boxers weren’t feeling all that substantial right now_ ), but this felt different. This was Aaron reaching for him, asking for this, not the other way around.

Aaron suddenly stilled on top of him, their heavy breathing the only thing hearable in the dark. Robert could just feel Aaron’s eyes on him, as Aaron’s thumb trailed over his lower lip. Aaron had stopped kissing him, but he hadn’t moved back an inch, lips just brushing Robert’s as they breathed into each other’s mouths. A painful tension started to build in Robert’s chest, a throb between his legs, and he was going to scream with the effort of holding himself completely still. But this was Aaron, Aaron was the one in control. Not him. Aaron held all the cards and Robert wasn’t planning on taking over, didn’t even want to. He knew Aaron needed this, needed an outlet for all his emotions. It was Aaron’s call if he wanted to take this any further or not.

Then, carefully, Aaron’s mouth moved against his. Aaron’s hands slipped around the side of Robert’s body and then pushed down between Robert and the bed, until he held Robert’s ass in his hands, holding him still, while Aaron rocked against him with tentative little jerks of his hips. Robert still wasn’t moving, felt like he shouldn’t, but his breath became faster and his heart was just about to beat right out of his chest, and-

Then Aaron started to move in earnest, tentative shifts turning into more purposeful rolls of his hips and Robert suddenly wasn’t as patient anymore, feeling Aaron’s cock dragging against his own, with nothing more than their boxers separating them, making him dizzy from the heat which started to build up in his groin. He put a hand on the back of Aaron’s neck and hauled him into a kiss, extracting a moan out of Aaron. One of Aaron’s hands moved from his ass to his stomach and lower into his boxers, pulling his cock free. Robert’s hips jerked up involuntarily when Aaron wrapped his hand around his cock and Robert moaned into Aaron’s mouth. Robert pulled Aaron’s boxers down with the hand he wasn’t using to hold onto Aaron’s neck and somehow managed to grip his own cock and Aaron’s together in one fist. This wasn’t quite what he wanted to be doing with Aaron, but he was too far gone to even care. Aaron apparently felt the same because he caught Robert’s mouth beneath his own again and rocked his cock through Robert’s fist.

Robert groaned into Aaron’s mouth, thrusting his hips slightly upwards. He had to pull his lips away from Aaron’s, his breathing becoming too fast to go too long without air. But not willing to separate completely from Aaron, he pulled Aaron’s face closer towards his. Heat started to build up inside his body, underneath his skin, feeling Aaron’s cock drag against his own, making him hot all over. From the way Aaron’s breathing quickened he knew Aaron was close too. His hand moved faster, chasing that feeling. Robert groaned, his body locking down, the moment his orgasm hit him, riding an intense wave of pleasure and making everything slicker down there, which seemed to do it for Aaron as he suddenly shook and growled low in his throat.

Aaron buried his face in the crook of Robert’s neck, riding out his orgasm. He kissed Robert’s neck one more time before he rolled off of him, lying down next to him. Robert tried to get his breathing back under control, hearing Aaron doing the same, before Aaron suddenly moved out of the bed and left the room. Robert just laid there, feeling slightly neglected and abandoned. His hand and stomach felt sticky and he started to feel cold. He was about to get up and go back to his own room, but then Aaron returned to the room. He sat down on the bed, before laying himself down again and put something warm and wet on Robert chest.

“Here,” Aaron mumbled, his voice low and husky. Robert picked up the cloth and cleaned himself up before letting it fall on the ground next to the bed. He pulled his boxers back up, before searching for the blankets with his hands. He pulled them up to his chest and lay still, listening to Aaron’s breathing.

“Aaron? Are you okay?” Robert asked after a moment of silence.

“Fine,” Aaron muttered back. From the distance of his voice Robert could tell Aaron was lying with his back towards him. For a moment Robert didn’t know what he needed to do. If he should stay or go. If he should reach out for Aaron or leave him in peace. When the silence continued to drag on, Robert made a decision. He moved forwards, towards Aaron and moved a hand to Aaron’s hipbone. He could feel Aaron tensing underneath his touch and he remembered the last time he had done the exact same thing, nights ago. He moved closer, moving his hand to Aaron’s stomach and just lay there for a moment, waiting for Aaron to push him away or relax into his touch. He heard Aaron taking a deep intake of breath before he slightly relaxed underneath Robert’s touch and Robert pulled him into his body. Aaron took Robert’s hand lying on his stomach in his own and held it tightly, as if he needed to feel Robert was really there, as if he needed to hold him as close as he could. Robert lay his forehead against the back of Aaron’s neck, the place he slept best and sighed content, inhaling Aaron’s body scent. He could feel Aaron’s heart beating underneath his fingertips and the steady beating slowly slumbered him back to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update, I've been terribly busy this week! Just wanted to thank everyone for leaving kudos, I passed the 500, never thought that would happen, so thank you! And of course, thanks for reading. Enjoy!

Aaron was looking through the window at his mum. Paddy was sitting next to her and they were talking quietly. He had gone to get him and Paddy a coffee, before he went to see his mum. He didn’t really know why, but he was prolonging seeing her. His mother was going to be fine. It had been a good thing Paddy had called an ambulance, or it could’ve been a close call. She had had a pulmonary embolism. A small one, but it could’ve happened again if Paddy hadn’t called the ambulance and then it could’ve been far worse. Apparently, because she had been sitting in a wheelchair for so long, her veins hadn’t been perfused well enough, which had caused her blood to clot. The blood clot had let go when she’d started walking again and had ended up in her lung. The doctors wanted to keep her under observation for a few days, to see if the medication she was given, would do their work properly, but then she could go back home again. Aaron had never been more relieved. He slowly walked inside, standing still by the side of Chas’ bed.

“Mom,” was all Aaron could say, when he saw his mother lying in the hospital bed, his heart in his throat.

“Hiya love,” Chas said, trying to smile, but Aaron noticed how much energy that cost her. Hearing her voice, touched something deep inside Aaron and suddenly his eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, mom,” Aaron brought out, voice trembling. He gave Paddy his coffee, before he sat himself down on one of the chairs.

“For what?” Chas asked incredulous, her hand reaching out and Aaron grabbed it without thinking.

“I should’ve been there for ya. Instead I was just…” Aaron trailed off, not wanting to bring Robert into the conversation. He had been absolutely out of his mind yesterday to sleep with Robert again. He had just needed a loving touch, the feeling of human body against his own. He had kind of used Robert, and although Robert hadn’t seemed to mind, he knew Robert had known that by the way he had reacted at his touches. He had felt terrible to leave him this morning when he had woken up, but his mother came first now. At any cost.

“Looking after Robert. I know, love,” Chas replied. Aaron looked up after Chas’ words, he didn’t miss the calm tone in her voice, no snarling or annoyance. It was so strange to hear no judgement in her voice when she said Robert’s name, Aaron didn’t know where to look for a moment.

“You still love him, don’t ya?” Chas suddenly asked, her weary eyes focused on him and for a moment all Aaron could do was stare at her, before his eyes wavered to Paddy, who was silently nodding at him, as if to reassure him that it was okay to tell the truth.

“Yeah,” Aaron was surprised how hoarse his own voice sounded, but he somehow felt relieved he finally said it out loud. “I never stopped.”

He looked up at his mother, who was looking intently back at him. Chas’ voice was filled with emotions when she finally spoke up again: “And although there are a million guys I would rather see you with, if you want to be with him, I won’t stop ya.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say after Chas’ words, he was completely thrown away by it, hadn’t been expected those words to ever leave his mother’s mouth. His mother was scaring him a bit, he had never ever thought his mother would let choice his own life, his own path. He started to wonder what had changed her mind, or who. His eyes wavered back to Paddy for a moment. Paddy just smiled back at him. He let his gaze wander to his mother again, when she continued speaking.

“I hate to admit it, but he was right about something, you are a grown- man and you should be able to make your own decisions. Even though I can’t really support it, I will try to live with it. Waking up in a hospital bed, not knowing what happened and knowing it could’ve been far worse, made me realize, you are my son and I love ya.” Aaron noticed the tears in his mother’s eyes and he had to swallow hard as a big lump had settled in his throat. “I don’t want to lose you,” Chas muttered, her voice filled with sadness, fear, but above all love.

Aaron had to clear his throat, before he could find his voice. “You won’t lose me. I’m not gonna leave ya, mum. Don’t worry, from now on, I’ll be there.”

The smile Chas gave him was weary, but the smile was also filled with love and Aaron bit his lower lip, just to stop his eyes from filling up again. Chas squeezed his hand for a moment, before she closed her eyes and fell to sleep, her breathing evening out. Aaron smiled lightly, before pressing a kiss to his mother’s forehead. She was going to be fine. He was going to make sure of it.

xXx

Robert woke up alone. Yesterday when he had fallen to sleep, he had already expected Aaron to be gone the next morning, so it shouldn’t have been such a surprise, still his heart panged suspiciously in disappointment. He stood up and put on the clothes he had worn the day before. Thankfully they lay at the same spot he had put them yesterday and Aaron hadn’t moved them. He moved downstairs, opened the door to the backroom and almost walked into Diane who was just coming from the other way.

“Ah, there you are. I was just about to wake you,” Diane said, before she turned around and walked back to the kitchen.

“Why? You don’t trust me to get out of the bed on my own?” Robert joked half- heartedly, following her to the kitchen.

“You’ll have Aaron to thank for that,” Diane replied, ignoring Robert’s tone of voice. “Told me to get you out at, at least half past ten.”

Robert just nodded, knowing full well, Aaron was only looking out for him, but he couldn’t ignore the pang in his chest because Aaron still didn’t completely trust him, not when it came to him locking himself up again. But he knew from his sister he all gave them a hell of a scare, so he shouldn’t be too surprised Aaron and Diane were still looking after him.

He hoped Aaron was okay. He had seemed so sad and on edge yesterday. Robert just hoped he was looking after himself. “Any news about Chas?” Robert therefore asked, hoping Diane had heard something.

“Yes. Paddy called me this morning. She’s going to be fine,” Diane said, her voice relieved.

“That’s… good,” Robert replied, surprised how relieved he was himself that Chas was going to be okay, knowing he had a deep dislike for the woman himself. But knowing damn well what it would’ve done to Aaron if she wouldn’t have been, he shouldn’t have been too surprised he was relieved himself, even if it was only for Aaron. “So, what happened to her?” Robert asked, sitting himself down at the kitchen table.

“She had a pulmonary embolism,” Diane answered, before she put something down in front of Robert, Robert guessed it was his usual bowl of cereal.

“That’s bad, isn’t it?” Robert asked, frowning his forehead lightly.

“It could’ve been bad,” Diane answered: “It could’ve been far worse. She is very lucky.”

“Yeah, I guess she is,” Robert replied distracted, his mind wandering off to Aaron. He wondered if Aaron would’ve been able to deal with losing his mother, or if he would’ve done something to himself, like he had done when Jackson had died. A shiver ran down Robert’s spine. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to live without Aaron, to go through the pain of losing someone he loved with his whole heart. He still hadn’t said it. He hadn’t told Aaron he loved him, but he knew he had to, needed to tell him how he felt. Because after everything he started to realize how anything could change in a heartbeat. He needed Aaron to know what he felt for him, before it was too late.

Robert was started out of his mind by Diane: “You want to go for a coffee at the café after your breakfast?”

Robert frowned his forehead, trying to make out what she’d said, before he answered: “Yeah, sure. Why not.”

xXx

Robert leaned back against the back of the couch. Sitting in the café with Diane, was not the way he had thought he would’ve spent this day, yesterday. He was wondering why he’d even said yes to Diane. He wanted to be home, waiting for Aaron to return, so they could talk. Their conversation had been disrupted by Paddy calling last afternoon and Robert still had doubts about where they were standing. He needed to know for sure that this was what Aaron wanted and he needed to tell Aaron that this was what _he_ wanted. The only reason he had said yes to Diane, was because he was convinced Aaron would stay at the hospital for as long as he was allowed to. Which meant Robert could use all the distraction he could get, to make his day a little less long and dreading.

Diane put something, presumably a cup of coffee, in front of him and sat down. “You know, you maybe want to keep the noise down.”

“Sorry?” Robert asked, not understanding where Diane was talking about.

“I don’t mind you boys doing what you are doing, but you could be more considerate that there are other people in the house,” Diane continued, her voice matter of factly.

Robert didn’t know what to say for a moment. He wished he could disappear in the couch, feeling the embarrassment warming his cheeks. He realized his mouth was slightly opened and he closed it again. He slumbered a little down on the couch. He groaned softly: “You heard us?”

“Just keep it down next time,” Diane continued, as if this was not the most embarrassing conversation Robert had had in ages.

“Yes. Thanks,” Robert replied, feeling unbelievably awkward. That was when he heard familiar voices coming through the door, Chrissie and Lawrence. They passed them, probably noticing he was there too, because their conversation fell.

Robert suddenly stood up and walked after them to the counter, where Bob was working. “Chrissie,” Robert spoke up: “Can I have a moment?”

He heard her turning around, before she answered: “I don’t want to talk to you Robert. Got a lot on my mind as it is.”

“It will only take a moment,” Robert clarified: “It’s important.” He had been thinking about it yesterday evening when Aaron had been in the hospital and hadn’t been able to shake the thought this whole morning. He knew that if he didn’t grab the opportunity right now, he might back out and never ask Chrissie again.

Chrissie sighed: “Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be busy all week (today was my only day off this week) so I don't know when I'll get around to upload the next chapter. I do hope I've got time this weekend, but I can't promise anything. Thanks for all your patience!


	25. Chapter 25

Robert heard the back door open and close. He turned around, a habit he hadn’t lost, even though he couldn’t see who it was, when someone entered. They walked towards the kitchen, but stopped presumably because they realized he was standing there. “You’re doing the dishes,” He heard Aaron state, the surprise in his voice. Robert’s heart started to beat rapidly against his chest, when he realized it was Aaron who had just come home. The nerves which had been present the moment he had talked to Chrissie in the café suddenly burst free, making his stomach turn unexpectedly, knowing what was to come, knowing it was time to tell Aaron. 

“Yeah,” Robert was surprised how hoarse his own voice sounded: “Told Diane I could do it on my own. She’s working right now anyway, so I can take all the time I need.” Robert picked up a plate and wiped it clean, before reaching out his other hand, to feel for the dish rack, so he could put the plate on it. Aaron didn’t reply and Robert frowned his forehead, somehow feeling like something was wrong, like he was missing something. He sighed inwardly, before he asked cautiously: “How’s Chas?”

“She’s fine,” Aaron growled, his voice only making Robert more convinced something was wrong and Aaron was angry at him for some reason. Aaron’s next words hurt him more than Robert was willing to admit. “Not that you care.”

Robert’s frowned deepened, turning around so he faced Aaron, drying his hands off on a nearby towel. “Wow, what’s with the attitude?”

“Nothing,” Aaron huffed out, before he started to move away from him, leaving Robert with the feeling like he was missing something.

“Aaron.” He heard Aaron stopped moving after hearing his name and Robert took a few steps towards him, taking a deep breath. “You always tell me, I have to talk more. So I need you to do the same. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You want me to tell you what’s wrong, yeah?” Aaron hissed, his voice suddenly so harsh, Robert took an unconscious step back. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I should’ve been there for her. This shouldn’t have happened. This hadn’t happened, if I had been there.”

“It’s not your fault,” Robert argued, suddenly understanding why Aaron was acting the way he did, feeling like it was his fault Chas had ended up in hospital. Robert knew he needed to make Aaron see it really wasn’t his fault, that there would’ve been nothing he could’ve done for her. 

“Isn’t it?” Aaron countered. “I fought with her, over you! I didn’t speak to her, because of you! I wasn’t there when she needed me, because I was with you!” Aaron pointed out, his voice harsh and accusing. 

“You want to blame me for what happened to your mother? Fine, I don’t care, Aaron. I can take it. Just as long as you don’t blame yourself,” Robert replied calmly, knowing Aaron just needed an outlet, just needed someone to yell at.

Aaron growled in frustration: “Why do you always have to do that?!” 

Robert frowned his forehead, asking sincerely surprised: “Do what, exactly?”

“This! Why do you make me want to strangle you and kiss you at the same time? Why do you always need to be worried about me on the moments I don’t want you to be? Why? Why can’t you just yell at me? Why do you have to act like this, when I don’t want you to? Why do you have to show me that you care?” 

Robert opened and closed his mouth again, a little taken aback by the fury behind Aaron’s words. Eventually he said honestly: “Because I do. I care about you, I worry about you. Even when you’re mad at me, I can’t just stop.”

Aaron sighed frustrated, before Robert could hear him plopping down on the couch. Robert just leaned against the white cabinet with his back, burying his hands in his pocket, waiting for Aaron to say something. When he finally did, his voice was calmer, but still held an edge to it.

“You know what my mum said to me this morning? She said she was okay with us being together. And I just sat there staring at her like she just told me she’d seen a ghost.”

“She did?” Robert wasn’t able to keep the utter surprise out of his voice. 

“Yeah, she did,” Aaron answered, his voice suddenly sounding weary. 

“Well, I never expected for her to ever say that,” Robert replied honestly. 

“Me either,” Aaron answered truthfully: “I’m wondering how long it takes for her to take her words back. Maybe if she finds out we slept together…”

“Yeah, about that…” Robert said, hesitantly, feeling like it was time to tell Aaron the truth. He took a deep breath before he continued: “Maybe we should talk… about us.”

Robert heard Aaron sigh as well. “Yeah, maybe we should,” Aaron replied. Robert could hear the insecurity seeping through Aaron’s voice. Robert took another deep breath, before he said: “But first I would like you to remove my bandages. I need to know if I can see.”

And he did, he needed to know. But he also wanted to look into Aaron’s eyes when he would say the words, he needed to see Aaron’s expression. He needed to know what Aaron would think, what he would feel when he said it. And the only way he could really know was to look into Aaron’s eyes when he told him.

It was silent for so long Robert started to wonder if Aaron had heard him at all, until Aaron’s voice broke the silence. “Right. Yeah, sure,” Aaron answered. Robert could hear the nerves in Aaron’s voice, the same nerves which were coursing through Robert’s body. Aaron stood up and guided him towards the kitchen table, a warm hand on his upper arm, where Robert sat himself down on a chair. Aaron sat down before him and undid the bandages around his eyes. Robert felt Aaron’s hands trembling lightly when his hands touched his head, which only made Robert realize even more, that this was it. This was the moment he would, maybe be able to see. 

If he had imagined seeing light and everything would remain dark, he would lose all hope of ever getting his sight back. He knew everything depended on this moment. 

“I’m done,” Aaron mumbled hoarse, when Aaron had removed the bandages from his eyes and Robert realized this moment was just as important to Aaron as it was to him. Robert took a deep intake of breath, he could feel the nerves coursing through his body, his chest tightening, his heart beating fast against his ribcage. He bit on his lower lip and opened his eyes. 

The light that hit his eyes was blinding, so blinding, he had to close his eyes immediately. He took another sharp intake of breath, before he opened his eyes again. The light was still very sharp, giving Robert a headache, which pounded against the inside of his skull. He felt dizzy all of a sudden, grabbing the edges of his chair with his hands. But the light stayed as sharp as a knife, causing for Robert to blink with his eyes several times. With every blink the light became a little more bearable, until eventually he could see the outlines of a face. Aaron’s face, who was looking up at him with so many different emotions, Robert couldn’t place them all at once. But right now, he couldn’t really care either. He had been waiting so long, to be able to look at him again. To see those sharp blue eyes resting on his face again. His heart started to beat rapidly against his chest, as the outlines of Aaron’s face became sharper with every blink of his eyes. Robert’s own senses seemed to come back to life by the sight of Aaron, a wave of joy washing over him. Robert couldn’t take his eyes from Aaron’s face. His ocean blue eyes, his lips, his scruffy beard, all Robert wanted to do right now was just look at Aaron, look at him until he would drown in the sight. 

Robert’s face broke out in a huge grin, when he suddenly saw something move in the corner of his eye, which made him tear his eyes away from Aaron. “Chrissie.”

“So it’s true what you told me. You do have your sight back,” Chrissie said, her voice calm.

Robert stood up, looking at the woman he once loved. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it,” Chrissie stated, a genuine smile on her face, a smile Robert hadn’t seen in ages. It made him smile lightly back in return.

“Yeah. Yes, it is. Right, Aaron?” Robert turned towards Aaron and when he did, he noticed Aaron’s eyes were watering and his lips were a thin line. When he noticed Robert staring, his face closed off and somehow the look in Aaron’s eyes lurched at Robert’s heart. “Aaron, what’s wrong?’ he asked, his voice trembling heavily, not understanding what was going on, why Aaron suddenly looked so hurt. So heart broken. 

Aaron took a step away from him, towards the door, before he turned around, his back towards Robert and walked away from him.

“Aaron,” Robert said worriedly, as Aaron stopped at the door for a moment, before he walked through it and closed the door with a bang.

“Aaron!” Robert repeated, realizing something was going terribly wrong. He half walked, half ran towards the door, crossing Chrissie as he did so and opened it, just to realize Aaron would’ve gone outside, not hearing footsteps on the stairs. He followed him outside, but the sunlight was so sharp, it blinded him for a moment and he had to wait until his eyes were used to the brightness. When they had, he looked around and noticed Aaron walking towards his car. He started to run as fast as he could, calling after him, but Aaron didn’t listen, didn’t even turn around. Aaron was almost near his car and the worst feeling came over Robert. This couldn’t be happening, he had to be dreaming, this was not the way it was supposed to go. But Aaron reached his car, opened it and disappeared inside, started the motor and began to drive away. 

“Aaron!” Robert yelled, running towards the car, knowing he needed to stop that car, but having no clue how the hell he was supposed to do that. Aaron drove past him without stopping, without giving him one look. Robert’s heart sank and shattered in a million pieces. Aaron’s tears- stained face, burned in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about this! But I do have my reasons for it. Just three more chapters to go, so who knows what might happen ;)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the slow update. I was writing Christmas stories instead, so I didn't really have the time ;). But here is the new chapter! Enjoy!

Robert was resting with his head against the headrest, looking outside. He hadn’t heard from Aaron in two weeks, not a word. He had hoped he would come back eventually. Robert had been standing up from his chair or the couch, had stormed down the stairs every time he had heard a door open and close, the first few days after Aaron had left him, but it had never been Aaron. His heart had crumbled a bit more every single time. But when ten days had passed his hope had vanished Aaron would come back and with it the hope he could ever make it right again. Because how could he, if Aaron was nowhere to be found? Robert had called him so many times, he had lost count himself. But Aaron hadn’t returned his calls, they just went straight to voicemail. At the end Robert had just given up.

He moved his head slightly and noticed out of the corner of his eye, his sister looking at him through the rear-view mirror. She turned her head back towards the road, when she realized he had seen her watching him. Robert closed his eyes and sighed. He felt tired, absolutely drained, although he hadn’t done much yet. Still there was an ever-present grieve pressing against the inside of his chest. He was struggling even worse, now Aaron had truly left him. He knew he was relapsing and he felt like the progress he had been making was slipping away from him. He felt like he couldn’t do this without Aaron. Aaron leaving him had left him with a gaping hole in his chest. He struggled again to get out of bed in the morning, once even made Diane call Victoria because he really didn’t want to get up. His days felt like long-lasting black hours until he could finally crawl back into bed. 

Now he wasn’t struggling because he was blind, but because he had lost the person he loved the most in the world. He still didn’t understand why Aaron had left. But if it meant he could have Aaron back if he had to be blind again, he would do it in a heartbeat. But he couldn’t. Even though his life had become easier now he could see what he was doing, his mood had changed for the worse. 

He realized they were almost back in Emmerdale, when they crossed the name sign and his heart fell. He didn’t want to be here, not if Aaron wasn’t there. Every street corner and building held memories about him and Aaron, which only made it harder for him to deal with the fact Aaron wasn’t there. The only reason why he hadn’t already left was because of Victoria and Diane. They were trying to cheer him up, Victoria was even more at the pub nowadays than at home, keeping him company whenever she had the time. 

Just like now. He had gone to see his therapist, his third session, and Victoria had insisted on going with him. Which automatically caused for Adam to come too, because Victoria still didn’t drive and Robert was still waiting for the all-clear from his doctor with regard to his eyes. Last week he had had all kinds of tests, but he was still waiting for the results. He was quite sure everything was fine, but Victoria had forbidden him to drive in a car when the doctors hadn’t told him he could. 

Adam hadn’t said a word since they had left for the therapist, hadn’t said a word to him since Aaron had left really. Robert couldn’t really blame him. Their relationship had cooled down immensely after Aaron had left. Even though Robert knew Victoria had told Adam not to say a word about it to him, Robert knew Adam blamed him for the disappearance of his best friend. Victoria had told him even Adam hadn’t heard from Aaron. 

The car suddenly stopped and Robert noticed they were at Victoria’s house. He got out immediately, needing fresh air. He hated the heavy silence in the car, unspoken words thickening the air. Victoria followed at once, walking close behind him and opening the door, shuffling passed him to do so. Robert walked inside after her, shrugging out of his jacket and walking towards the couch, wanting to plop down on it. 

“So are you gonna tell me how it went or not?” Victoria suddenly asked, making Robert turn around in the middle of the room. “What?” He had been so deep in thought he didn’t even really hear her question. 

Victoria sighed: “About therapy. How it went.” She leaned against the doorpost, waiting for Robert to answer her question. 

Robert sighed, he didn’t really feel like having a conversation, having talked for an hour with his therapist, which was more emotionally draining than Robert was willing to show. He moved a hand over his face, taking a deep intake of breath, before he answered: “I don’t know. It wasn’t as bad as I had thought, I guess.”

“So where’d you talk about?” Victoria asked.

“Have you ever heard of the word ‘private’?” Robert asked, a bit annoyed, but above all, weary.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be noisy. You just never talk. I don’t know what’s going on inside ya. I just don’t want you to lock yourself in your room again,” Victoria admitted, her voice honest and filled with concern.

“That won’t happen again, I promise,” Robert reassured her, willing for her not to worry about him. 

“Then please talk to me,” Victoria pleaded, sitting herself down on the couch.

Robert sighed and sat himself down next to his sister, before he said: “What ya wanna know?”

“Where did you talk about?”

“Talked about dad and…. Aaron.” Robert almost couldn’t get the name over his lips. After the first days of Robert actively trying to track him down, Aaron’s name had become a taboo to him. Robert was almost convinced his sister had said to people not to say his name around him. He just refused to talk about him, even to Victoria who he trusted more than anyone right now. So he wasn’t totally surprised when Victoria’s eyes widened for a moment, before she contained herself and said:  
“Must’ve been hard.”

“Yeah… well.” Robert fidgeted with his fingers, not really knowing what to say. 

“Have you heard from him?” Victoria asked tentatively. 

Robert shook his head, suddenly realizing he didn’t really mind talking about him that much. He had told a lot more to his therapist about Aaron than he had ever told anyone before. Maybe it made it easier to talk about it to someone else. “No. I really screwed up this time, Vic. And I don’t even understand what I did wrong. He just stood up and left. Not even a word.” Robert moved his hands through his hair, agony settling in his chest. 

“Are you absolutely sure, he left the village?” Victoria asked uncertain. 

Robert nodded his head, moving his hands from his head and leaning forwards, staring ahead of him. “Yeah. He’s not been home in two weeks, Vic. He only has his wallet and his phone with him. That’s it.” He couldn’t help but feel worried. He knew Aaron wasn’t the richest of persons, and he was gone for more than two weeks now. Robert couldn’t understand how Aaron still wasn’t back. He couldn’t help but fear something terrible had happened or could happen. Or that Aaron was sleeping cold and alone in the open air, all because of him. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Victoria. “Have you talked to Chas?”

Robert huffed out a surprised laugh. “Yes, I did, didn’t really go well. She called for a nurse, the moment she saw me. I’m sure she’s gonna be thrilled to talk to me again.” He had gone by the hospital to see Chas, the third day after Aaron’s disappearance, running out of options where he could have gone to. He had even asked Paddy at that point, but nothing. Chas had yelled at him to get out and Robert had known in that moment she knew just as much as he did, having no idea where Aaron could’ve gone to. 

“But maybe Aaron has been in touch with her now, maybe she knows where Aaron is,” Victoria contemplated. Robert looked up at his sister. She was looking at him with those big Bambi eyes and he smiled weakly at her. “It’s worth the shot,” Victoria added encouraging.

Robert nodded slowly, before he got up and said: “You’re right. Not that she would tell me. But I don’t really have anything to lose either, do I?”

Victoria smiled weakly at him, before he grabbed his jacket and walked outside, passing Adam in his way out. He needed to pay someone a visit. 

xXx

He couldn’t really describe how nervous he was. He didn’t know what to expect, but he knew Chas wouldn’t be thrilled to see him. But he didn’t have anything to lose either. He took a deep intake of breath, before he knocked on the door. 

“Come on in, the door’s loose,” he heard Chas say from inside the house. Chas was still living with Paddy. She had refused to come home to the pub, as long as Robert still lived there, after she had been discharged from the hospital. Robert had felt guilty about that, but he wasn’t ready yet to leave the place Aaron had lived, that place held so many good memories, even though it hurt at the same time to be there. Although he knew Victoria would take him back in, without a second thought, especially now Andy was on a trip. 

He took another deep breath of air, before he opened the door and walked inside. Chas was sitting at the dinner table, a coffee mug in her hands. She looked tired and sad, just like Robert was feeling lately. When she looked up and noticed who had just walked in, her expression turned dark, a spiteful look in her eyes. “What are you doing here? Get out.”

“I know I’m properly the last person you wanna see right now, but I just-” Robert started, but he was interrupted by Chas.

“You are damn right you are the last person I wanna see right now, so get out!”

“I just… Have you heard from Aaron?” Robert asked nervous, running a hand through his hair. No matter how much he deserved being yelled at, it made him feel even worse about what had happened. 

“Even if I knew where he was, I wouldn’t tell ya. You don’t deserve to know,” Chas answered, the clear anger hearable in her voice. 

“I don’t need to know where he is,” Robert replied: “I just need to know if he’s alright.” He needed to know if Aaron hadn’t done something stupid, hadn’t hurt himself. He needed to know if he was living with a roof over his head. He needed to know if Aaron was okay. 

Chas just looked at him, glaring. Her eyes were focused on his face for so long, Robert started to feel uncomfortable and he almost wanted to turn and walk away, understanding she wasn’t going to answer him. He nodded his head at her to let her know he understood. 

He was almost surprised when he suddenly heard her speak: “He’s fine. He rang me last week. He told me he was fine.”

Relieve washed over Robert, hitting him like a wave. He was okay, Aaron was okay. He felt like he could breathe again. Just hearing those words coming from Chas’ lips made him feel better than he had in weeks. Robert just nodded once, too relieved to say anything, before he turned around, to walk to the door, only to be stopped by Chas’ voice. “Why’d you come here? Why’d you wanna know how he is? Why do you care?”

Robert turned around, his eyes flickering from the ground to Chas’ face and back, not answering. 

“I mean, from what Aaron told me on the phone, he thought you didn’t care for him at all,” Chas continued, her voice slightly accusing, her eyes not wavering from Robert’s.

Robert’s mouth fell open, before he closed it again, shocked by Chas’ words. “Aaron said that?” Robert replied astonished. He heard the trembling in his own voice and he knew he was losing the fight to keep his emotions under control, Chas’ words hurting him more than he could describe. 

“Yeah. He did,” Chas answered. She had presumably picked up on the tremble in his voice, because her tone turned a little softer: “So why suddenly showing you care?”

“Because I do,” Robert confessed, his heart pounding hard against his chest, knowing it was true, hurting because it was true. His hands began to shake lightly and he was at the brink of tears, the pain of losing Aaron while he cared so deeply for him, making him lose the grip on his emotions. 

“Then why did Aaron want to know if you and Chrissie were back together again?” 

Robert frowned his forehead, astonished by Chas’ words, trying to understand what she was telling him. Why would Aaron think he and Chrissie were back together? He had never made any gesture towards a reunion with her, the exact opposite actually. Robert moved his hands over his face and took a trembling breath, before he answered softly: “I don’t know. I’m not. I’m not with Chrissie anymore. Never will be again.”

Chas didn’t look convinced and Robert didn’t know how to make her see he was telling her the truth. He felt like the best thing was to leave. He knew he wasn’t going to get any more answers from her and the conversation had been emotionally more draining than Robert had anticipated. He wanted to turn around, but something in Chas’ eyes made him stop. Somehow the look in her eyes made him realize she had never really known, she had never really understood what Aaron and he had had. Maybe he didn’t owe her a better explanation. But for some reason he wanted to tell her, something in him told him, made him feel, he had to tell her something he should’ve told her a long time ago. He took a deep breath, buried his hands in his pocket and mumbled:

“I love him.”

Chas’ expression changed from slightly annoyed to shocked in seconds. Presumably she had thought he would never say it out loud, maybe she had thought he had never felt anything for her son at all. He couldn’t blame her. He had never told anyone else, had been too ashamed to tell anyone, except for Aaron. But right now, in this moment, he didn’t mind her knowing at all, maybe even needed her to know there was no one more important to him than Aaron. Maybe one day she would be able to understand Aaron meant everything to Robert. Maybe one day she could forgive him for everything he had ever done.

It took Chas a few moments to get herself under control again, but when she had, her lips formed a tight line, as if she was determined to be sceptical, even though Robert was convinced deep down she knew he was telling her the truth. 

“I do,” Robert repeated, happiness and grieve coursing through his body after his own words. He would never stop loving Aaron. Even if Aaron had stopped loving him, even if Aaron didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, he loved him, would never be able to stop. He felt it with every beat of his heart, every time someone said Aaron’s name, every breath he took, every step he made. He couldn’t imagine how he could ever have lived without that feeling, without this love for Aaron. A love which ran so deep, it kept him awake at night, made his heart beat faster, made his blood run through his veins, made his stomach swoop, made his chest tighten. He didn’t know how to live without it. 

But now he had to. He had no other choice than to go on without it. Because the person who awoke all those feelings inside of him, was no longer there. And it broke his heart every single day.

Robert took a deep intake of breath, trying to get his emotions back under control, before looking back at Chas, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face. 

Robert swallowed loudly, before he said: “If he calls again, could you… could you tell me? Just to let me know if he is alright?” 

“Yeah,” Chas answered, after a moment, as if she had been deep in thought. “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

Robert nodded again, grateful. “Thank you.” He turned around and left the house, his heart just as heavy as when he had entered, but his shoulders felt a little lighter. Aaron might not be home, but he was alright. And for now, that was enough. 

xXx

Robert poured the popcorn in a bowl and just stared at it for a moment, the memories of when he had last eaten popcorn running through his mind. Aaron had given him the bowl of popcorn and Robert hadn’t wanted to give it back to him. Aaron had eventually pulled him back and all the popcorn had ended up everywhere except for the bowl. 

They had almost kissed then. 

A sharp pain ran through Robert’s chest and a nauseating feeling came over him, his hands tightening around the counter. The feeling was always the same nowadays when he thought off Aaron. But the feeling only became sharper every day instead of fading away like Victoria kept telling him.

He’d rather be in his bed right now, but he had promised Victoria to watch a film with her, although she was running late, having the night shift at the pub. Adam was at the farm, urged by his wife to spent the evening with his mum and Andy was still not back from his trip, so that meant it would only be him and Victoria tonight. After his words with Chas, he had moved back in with Victoria, knowing he would only make himself crazy if he kept on living in the pub, where every sound or scent reminded him of Aaron. It had been a hard decision to make, he hadn’t wanted to leave at first, but after Victoria had pointed out that he needed to think about his own well-being and what being in the pub did to him, he decided to move back in with his sister. 

Three days had passed since he had visited Chas, her words were still ringing in his ears. He had thought a lot about what she had said, finally realizing why Aaron had run off like that. Chrissie had come by to talk to him. Somehow Aaron must’ve thought something was going on between them again, still Robert couldn’t understand how Aaron could even think that. 

It was unbelievable how a misunderstanding could ruin his whole life in seconds. If he had told Aaron sooner about his plans, why Chrissie had come by to see him that day Aaron had left, none of this would have happened. But he knew thinking about what could’ve been wasn’t going to help him. He knew he had to move on with his life, but he still wasn’t able to. The pain and regret too fresh and real to let Aaron go yet. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked with the popcorn and the beer to the couch and plopped down on it. He put the telly on and started the DVD. He didn’t want to wait any longer for Victoria, so he started the film. It wasn’t like Victoria really cared about the film anyway. 

He was halfway through the film, when the front door opened and Adam walked inside. Robert turned around to see him standing in the doorway. Adam looked slightly uncomfortable when he asked: “Vic not here yet?”

“No,” was all Robert answered. Adam nodded once, before he took a step inside, moving a hand through his hair and said: “Look, I’m sorry about Aaron. I understand now what he means to ya and I… well, just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry.”

All Robert could do was stare at him for a moment, swallowing uncomfortable. His voice was hoarse when he said: “Thanks.”

Adam nodded back at him, before he replied: “I’m gonna go upstairs, yeah?”

Robert just nodded in return before moving his attention back to the film. Adam had tentatively started talking to him again yesterday. Robert suspected his sister had talked to him, to tell him to get over himself, or something, because he wasn’t ignoring him anymore. But he had never thought he would ever hear Adam say those words to him. He heard Adam walking around upstairs, before it turned silent. A couple of minutes later, the front door opened again and Victoria walked in. 

“You’re late,” Robert stated, looking at the clock on the wall: “It’s half past twelve.” He tried to cover up a yawn, by putting his hand before his mouth. He really had wanted to be in bed by now, but he hadn’t wanted to disappoint Victoria, feeling like he had done that quite enough lately, so he had waited up until she would be home. 

“Do you ever check your phone?” his sister asked, her voice urgent.

“Sorry?” Robert asked, turning around on the couch to face her. He noticed her slightly flushed face, as if she had run home. Her breathing was accelerated and she looked like something was going on, something she needed to tell him. 

“Do you ever check your phone?” Victoria repeated impatiently.

“Vic. What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Robert asked worriedly, frowning his forehead in concern. He got up and walked towards her, wondering what was going on. 

“He’s back,” Victoria replied, her eyes focused on him, waiting for her words to hit home.

When they did, all Robert could do was just stare at her for a moment, feeling like his brain had shut off and didn’t know how to reboot itself. He leaned against the armrest of the couch, his heart starting to beat hard and fast against the inside of his chest. He had no idea what he should say or do. He had waited for Aaron’s return ever since he had left, but now he heard he was back again, Robert had no idea how to handle that, had no idea what he should do. He moved his hands over his face, in utter confusion, before his eyes came to rest on his sister. 

“You’re sure?” You’re not kidding?” he asked, noticing how hoarse his voice sounded. His hands were trembling lightly, all kind of emotions fighting to burst free inside his chest. 

Victoria shook her head. “He’s been home for more than an hour now. He tried to sneak into the back, but I caught him when I was in the back room. I tried to call ya, but your phone was off.”

“How’d he look? Have you spoken to him?” Robert asked concerned, he needed to know if Aaron looked okay, he needed to know if he was still in one piece, that nothing bad had happened to him. But at the same time he needed to know if he had already moved on or if he had looked just as miserable as Robert had felt those last few weeks. 

“No, he disappeared upstairs the moment he noticed me.” Victoria bit her lip, as if she was contemplating if she should tell him something, before she said: “He looked tired, but that could’ve been from the trip. I just saw him for a split second.” She looked apologetic up at him and Robert just nodded, still dazed by the news. A big part of him just wanted to run to the pub as fast as he could, but he couldn’t help but feeling afraid, afraid of what might happen if he did. If Aaron would let him in at all or would close the door in his face, the moment he would see him. He couldn’t get his heart broken again. He didn’t know if he could take that. If he could take any more pain or sorrow. 

Victoria snapped her fingers in front of his face, which startled Robert. “What’s wrong with ya?! Why are you still here? He’s home, Rob. You should go and see him.”

Robert swallowed loudly, moving a hand over his face. “Yeah, but what if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he kicks me out the moment he sees me? I don’t know Vic, maybe I should just leave it,” he replied, the insecurity he was feeling seeping through his voice.

“Rob, look at me.” She held his face between her hands, so he had no other choice than to look at her. Her eyes were warm but urgent as she looked at him. “You love him, don’t ya?”

Robert nodded, before he answered hoarse: “More than anything.”

“So you are going to tell him that right now,” Victoria replied: “It doesn’t matter if he turns you down or not. You owe it to yourself to tell him how you feel. You owe it to yourself to fight for what you want, to do what feels right.” Robert looked down at his hands and back up at his sister, seeing the love and the warmth in her eyes. A warmth spread in Robert’s chest, knowing how true her words were. Victoria’s eyes shone with emotion as she talked on: “I just want you to be happy. And if he is the one who could make you happy, then you are an idiot to let him walk out of your life, because you are too afraid.” 

Robert smiled weakly at her, knowing she was right. She and Aaron were the only ones who could tell what was going on in his mind just by looking at him. Sometimes that annoyed him, but right now he couldn’t have been happier. He moved and wrapped his arms around his sister. He breathed in deeply for a moment, as if to muster his courage, before he whispered: “Thank you.” His words were not only meant for this moment, but for all the moments he had needed her and she had been there for him. He hoped she understood that. When he pulled back and looked in her eyes, he knew she did. He smiled gratefully at her, before he let her go and moved to grab his jacket from the hallway, his sister following him. He put on his jacket and turned around to look at his sister. “How do I look?” he asked nervously.

Victoria just smiled and said: “Go get him Rob. You can do it.”

Robert inhaled deeply. He could do this. He had to let Aaron know he wanted him, that he loved him. If there was a small chance Aaron wouldn’t kick him out, Robert would be stupid not to take it. Victoria was right, he needed Aaron to know how he felt. He turned around to open the door, but was stopped by Victoria’s voice. 

“Rob?” Victoria suddenly said.

Robert turned around and looked at his sister: “Yeah?”

“You might need these.” Victoria was holding a set of keys in the air and Robert recognized them as Diane’s keys. Victoria was smiling all- knowingly at him and Robert smirked back at her, grabbing the keys from her hand, kissing her cheek and leaving the house as fast as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so first of all I still wanted to wish you a happy new year. Here is the second to last chapter! I've passed the 600 kudos! :) Can't believe that really happened. Anyway thank you all for leaving them. And thanks for reading. And of course special thanks for all the lovely comments, you have no idea how much it means to me! Enjoy!

Maybe bursting into someone’s house unannounced wasn’t the brightest idea at so late an hour of the night. It was dark and even though he got his sight back now, it reminded Robert of the weeks he had spent in utter darkness. He sure hoped Diane was already asleep, because right now he didn’t think he could really explain what he was doing, breaking into the pub this late at night, when he wasn’t really supposed to be there. He closed the door behind him and walked into the living room. He put Diane’s keys on the table, trying not to make a sound and returned to the hallway, climbing the stairs, two steps at a time. He skipped the step which squeaked, remembering it did so. His breathing was rigid, his heart pounding against his chest, his blood boiling in utter determination, while he was trying to ignore the nerves in his stomach. He opened the door without knocking and walked in.

The second he laid eyes on Aaron it felt like he could breathe again, but just barely. The sight of him sent thrills through his whole body. Robert only remembered the short moment in the backroom of the pub when all he had seen were Aaron’s eyes for what still felt like a split second. But seeing Aaron now, leaned back against the headboard with earbuds in his ears and looking down at his phone, that was all Robert needed.

Aaron looked up in complete shock by the sudden intrusion, his eyes widening in surprise. When their eyes met, it felt like something clicked in Robert’s mind and Robert stared at Aaron as memories hit him: Aaron laughing next to him on their walks, Aaron touching him to let him know he was really there, Aaron tickling him because he wanted to eat all of the popcorn, Aaron helping him through the worst moment of his life, Aaron talking about everything and nothing at all and the sound of his voice when he had done all those things. The feelings punched Robert clean through the chest, warmth and memories filling up the holes in his heart.

Aaron removed the earphones as they stared at each other, Aaron utterly shocked with surprise and Robert’s chest heaving from the run over here. The phone fell from Aaron’s hands to hit the floor next to the bed.

And maybe Robert should be bounding forward to kiss Aaron, maybe Robert should be making up for all the lost time, or maybe he should apologise or say something to make everything okay between them.

But as his oxygen levels began to return to normal and Aaron just kept on staring at him as if he had just seen a ghost, Robert realized in the silence that he wasn’t exactly happy to see Aaron.

In fact, he was pretty much the damn opposite of happy.

Aaron looked bewildered and confused, shoulders tensed as if to run, but right now, Robert didn’t care if he was making Aaron comfortable or not, his anger boiling over by the sight of him.

“You left me,” Robert panted, catching his breath and somehow finding it in him to glare at Aaron. “You left me alone. Without a word.”

Aaron continued to stare at him, but his face closed off after Robert’s words, all the emotions leaving his face. Not that Robert cared right now, he was too angry to care.

“You looked after me all this time,” Robert continued, his voice filled with hurt and anger. “But you couldn’t just stay when I could finally see you again?”

He glared full blast now, something akin to rage bristling inside him. “You disappeared, you didn’t answer my calls and if it wasn’t for Chas I wouldn’t even know if you still cared.”

A sharp emotion crossed over Aaron’s face and Robert noticed it was hurt. Robert was almost relieved, because he had finally seen a real emotion cross Aaron’s features. Aaron swung his feet over the bed to put them on the floor, raising his eyes to meet Robert’s, a dark scowl on his face. His voice was harsh and accusing when he finally spoke: “You looked up at me in that moment and I could finally _see_ you in your eyes again and then Chrissie walked in, what was I supposed to do?”

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe you were supposed to stay, let me _look_ at you again. Something,” Robert replied bitterly. “You weren’t supposed to exile yourself from my _life_ , Aaron. I didn’t want you to. I may have been blind, but I’ve never been heartless, not when it comes to you.”

“Yeah, well maybe I didn’t want to face it all over again! Maybe I didn’t want to lose you to your wife again!” Aaron stood up, and now he looked unbelievably angry too.

“Do you really think so badly of me?” Robert asked, moving his hands over his face in pure exasperation. “Do you really think I would be standing here right now if I wanted her back? Do you really think I would have left you just like that after everything you’ve done for me? I know where I have put you through these last nine months. I know I have been selfish and that I never deserved you in the first place, but you sure as hell can’t just walk away from me by cutting me out.” Robert breathed through his nose, trying to stay as calm as possible, but his eyes were prickling and his hands were clenched into fists. “You once promised me, _promised_ me, that you wouldn’t leave me on my own. And then you go, and you just cut me out of your life, completely!”

“You don’t understand,” Aaron replied angrily, gritting his jaw.

“Oh yeah? _Enlighten_ me,” Robert snapped.

“I’ve been there when you wanted to go after her when she confessed she was to blame for the crash, I’ve been there when she left to stay with her sister and you made Diane ring her so many times that even she started to feel concerned about your state of mind. I was there when we ran into her. I know what she means to you, what you crave from her. I can never give you that. I don’t have that kind of money or prestige she and her family provided you with.” Aaron took a shaky breath, his hands clenched into fists. “I was so stupid to think that we could be together. I opened myself up to you again and she just walked into that room and your whole face lit up and I just couldn’t….” Aaron’s voice broke for a moment and he had to clear his throat before he could continue, his voice suddenly sounding harsh: “I can’t be with you. I don’t want to be with you when it’s obvious you still love her.”

Aaron’s words should hurt. They should. But there was a tremble in Aaron’s voice which gave away his true feelings. There was a look in Aaron’s eyes, his amazing blue eyes, which asked him to tell him he was wrong. All these things Aaron said, they meant nothing. Words meant nothing because every gesture Aaron had ever made towards Robert, every touch, every movement, had been the complete opposite of what he was saying right now.

Robert just had to prove himself. He walked over to the bed, sat right down, taking in a long breath.

“Aaron.” He found it hard to look up but he did it anyway, rooting himself in the familiarity of Aaron’s eyes, considering himself lucky he could do that again. “I wasn’t smiling at her, I was smiling at you. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting until I could look at you again. Doubting if I ever would be able to.” Robert sighed and moved his hand over his face, before he continued, knowing he needed to explain himself to Aaron, if he wanted to still have a change with him. “I’ve always felt like I lived in the shadow of Andy, I wanted to escape that, make my father see I could make something of myself without his help. That’s when I met Chrissie. She provided that. I turned into the person I told myself I needed to be. I never learned to trust anyone, the people I had trusted in my life had let me down and I had promised myself that would never happen again.” Robert brought up a shaky hand, running it through his hair, taking in another long breath.

“So I built up this shield. I never saw people as just… people. I saw targets and threats, that’s how I survived all that time on my own. When I came back to the village, I didn’t know how to turn that part of myself off.” Aaron’s eyes were shining with an emotion Robert couldn’t quite place. But Robert’s eyes didn’t waver from Aaron’s as he talked on, his voice turning softer: “And then there was you. You were the first person I could see as a person again. You didn’t put up with my bullshit, you talked back at me when I was being an egoistic prat, but you also showed me sympathy and compassion when nobody else would. My father put Andy before me, Chrissie put Lawrence and Lachlan before me. I was never good enough. But you made me feel good enough. I was always good enough for you. I was just stupid enough not to see that maybe you would be good enough for me too.” He stared at Aaron with every bit of honesty he got in him, trying to make Aaron understand, needing for Aaron to understand. “I would rather have been blind for the rest of my life......and have you by my side…. then going back to Chrissie.”

“Robert.” Something started to soften in Aaron’s face but when Robert stood up, Aaron backed away like he could ward Robert off with distance. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”

“What? Tell you that I care?” Robert laughed despite himself. “Guess it’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

“Fuck you, no!” Aaron yelled at him, lines formed on his forehead and it hit Robert with a wave of sadness that Aaron looked exhausted. “You don’t just get to come in here and say those sorts of things, Robert. I just…I can’t.... Goddammit! Sometimes you say things and you make me feel…”

Robert waited for Aaron to complete his sentence, but Aaron just looked at him, the exasperation and agitation readable on his face. He didn’t want to push Aaron, didn’t want to cause him any more pain than he had already done, but if Aaron didn’t finish that sentence, Robert might lose him forever.

“Make you feel what, Aaron?” Robert asked softly, taking one step closer towards him.

Aaron looked at Robert, and there was a flayed open expression on his face for a moment, until Robert took another cautious step forward and Aaron countered with a step back, face closing off.

Defeat sank into Robert’s bones and it became clear to Robert Aaron didn’t want him there. Maybe Robert should give Aaron exactly what he had wanted all those weeks ago, him out of his life completely. He retreated to the door, head bend down and shoulders hunched. It felt like tears were stuck in his throat and his heart stammered at the loss, a painful pressure tightening his chest, but Robert knew Aaron’s silence told him to get lost.

“Everything.”

Robert barely picked up on the word, thought he might actually be hearing things. He turned around to see Aaron looking up at him from the bed, sitting again, bare feet set on the floor.

Aaron looked dazed, absolutely terrified, but he looked up at Robert and his eyes were blazing. “Everything.”

Robert was at a loss for a moment, could only stare at Aaron as Aaron’s words sank in. Because everything could mean good, everything could mean bad. But in the end it was all the same to Robert when he slowly walked over, suddenly knowing what he needed to do. He shrugged out of his jacket and let it fall to the floor and sat cautiously down on the bed, right next to Aaron. He was sitting so close, his thigh rested against Aaron’s.

“Robert.” Even as he warned Robert, Aaron’s hands were twitching and Robert knew there was no place to be other than here.

He reached out his hand and laid it down on Aaron’s knee. Aaron’s breathing hitched at the contact and Robert mumbled: “Remember when I touched you like this? On the couch when we-”

Aaron cut him off, his voice hoarse: “I remember.”

“I couldn’t see you, but I could feel you, hear you. I heard the hitch in your breath, felt the tension in your muscles. But I wouldn’t have touched you then if you hadn’t made me feel save. You took care of me even though you resented me. You’re kind hearted, Aaron. You make me want to be a better person. Every day I’ve spent in your presence, you’ve made me rethink my own actions, you made me realize that I should be grateful towards the people who helped me through the most difficult period of my life. You made me feel humble. I’ve already started to change, without me really noticing. Because of you.” Robert took a deep breath before he continued: “I don’t want to lose you again, Aaron. I want us to try, for real. If you can.”

Aaron was looking at him with an honest, but somewhat hurt and careful expression on his face. “I need you to be absolutely honest with me, Robert. I can’t do this again. If you’re lying, you need to tell me right now. You hurt me more than I’ve ever been hurt in my life. I can’t risk it if I’m not hundred percent sure. I just can’t.”

“I know. I am not, I promise. Just give me a chance,” Robert said honestly, his voice soft. His heart hammered against his chest as he waited for Aaron’s answer. Everything depended on what Aaron would say right now. Robert could lose him forever and that thought made Robert feel sick to the stomach.

Aaron stood up and walked away from him again, his back turned towards him. He could see Aaron taking in a deep breath, before he turned around, his honest eyes resting on Robert again. Aaron just stood there for a moment, staring at him as if he was trying to figure something out. Robert could see the moment Aaron made a decision. His eyes softened, the careful expression disappearing from his eyes. Aaron’s voice was hoarse as he spoke: “I must be mad for saying this, but… okay.”

“Okay?” Robert repeated, his mouth opened slightly in disbelieve before he stood up too, reducing the space between them with a few steps. He couldn’t believe those words had really just left Aaron’s lips. He held still in front of Aaron. “Okay? Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said and Robert caught the first real smile of Aaron in ages, which made his heart jump up in delight. “Okay.”

Robert felt like his heart was about to burst from joy, his skin tingling with an undeniable warmth as he reached out his hands and cupped Aaron’s face, his thumbs caressing Aaron’s cheeks. “Okay,” he whispered back, moving his head closer to Aaron’s, his gaze landing on Aaron’s lips. He was just about to kiss him, when Aaron pulled back. “One chance, that’s all you’ve got, Robert. That’s all I can give you. Understand?”

Robert looked into Aaron’s eyes and smiled lightly, an honest, real smile he only saved for Aaron. “I know. I understand,” Robert replied, before he tilted Aaron’s head up and leaned forward until their mouths collided.

It was just a whisper of a kiss, nothing more. He just wanted to savour the taste of Aaron’s lips, feeling their softness underneath his own lips.

He pulled back and whispered into Aaron: “I promise. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”

There was a good three seconds of hesitation and Robert started to think maybe Aaron had suddenly realized that this was a massive mistake. He started to pull back but before he could even breathe or think, Aaron grabbed Robert’s face and crushed his mouth to his.

Robert realized what he had been missing, the missing piece of his heart falling back into place the second Aaron fitted his mouth against his own.

It was just a kiss, innocent as the one in the hallway. But Aaron’s hands came to rest on Robert’s chest and he gripped Robert’s shirt tight, like he was silently begging Robert to never let go and Robert wouldn’t, wouldn’t ever. He felt alive with the way their lips brushed, his body thrumming, his heart pounding, his insides singing, because he finally understood what he’d been yearning for this whole time.

It was not sex. It was not touch. It was not emotional connection, a place he could finally call home, or closure for everything that had happened in the past. It was all those things, and all the odds and ends in between.

Robert wanted _everything_ , wanted to feel every fibre Aaron consisted off, every moment Aaron had to offer; from long walks in the night to relaxing days behind the telly and the endless fights they always found themselves in. He wanted Aaron’s beautiful smile and sarcastic wit, his sassy humour and his blue eyes.

He’d missed Aaron so much, hadn’t even been aware how much until this moment. He wanted Aaron, needed Aaron. He felt stupid, because it should have been obvious from the second he had first kissed Aaron, or the first time they had argued. He never should have put Aaron through all of the things he had put him through. But that was all over, and Robert planned to put that in the past as much as he could, starting with this kiss, right here.

Aaron moved his mouth down to Robert’s bottom lip and Robert reacted immediately, hands around Aaron’s neck and fingers carding through Aaron’s hair to scratch lightly at the back of his scalp.

Aaron hissed, sharp intake of breath against his lips that Robert chased after, sealing himself against Aaron’s mouth with his own and it felt so _right_.

They kissed slowly, exploring, and Aaron licked his way into Robert’s mouth. Everything was wet and gentle and vital. Aaron’s tongue swept inside, slick and heated. Robert’s hands fisted in the front of Aaron’s T-shirt, tugging him closer and Robert separated their lips for the briefest of seconds.

“Robert, what-” Aaron started, but Robert was already moving down Aaron’s jaw line, pressing fierce, heated, reverent kisses there and he knew there was a spot which would drive Aaron crazy, he just had to find it.

“Robert, we only just-,” Aaron started again.

Robert knew when he’d found it, the sensitive skin just under Aaron’s earlobe, because Aaron seized, protest dying in his throat, fingers digging into Robert’s hipbones, a strangled sound punched out of Aaron’s chest and Robert grinned.

“I want to be with you,” Robert mumbled, licking that sensitive spot once more and scraping his teeth along the skin of Aaron’s neck. “Don’t know if I’ll ever not want to.”

“Do _you_?” Robert added as an afterthought, pulling back, suddenly feeling insecure.

“I do.” Aaron looked up at him earnestly. “I just…look you just barged in uninvited. Give me a moment to wrap my head around it, will ya?”

Robert nodded, looking at Aaron, waiting for Aaron to tell him what was on his mind, knowing something was bothering him.

“This isn’t a joke, is it?” Aaron asked after a moment, cracking a weak smile.

“Absolutely not,” Robert replied, leaning with his forehead against Aaron’s.

“You…” Aaron seemed to give up on forming a coherent argument as Robert ducked back to that one spot, not being able to help himself and sucked a mark into his skin. Aaron groaned, hips involuntarily jerking against Robert’s. “You cannot do this to me, Robert. I’m not…You better not be fucking around.” Robert still heard the hesitation in Aaron’s voice, the insecurity. Afraid that he was still lying to him, that he would change his mind in a second. In that moment Robert realized Aaron needed the reassurance that he was not going anywhere, that everything he had said had been the truth, that he was being sincere.

“I am not fucking around,” Robert answered, pulling back again to look into the depths of Aaron’s eyes. “I want this. I want you. All of you. And if you think I’m backing down after all this time, after everything we’ve been through, you’ve got it all wrong.”

There appeared a look on Aaron’s face, incredulous and amused and amazed, like he’d a hard time believing Robert was here and Robert was real, but Robert intended on proving that he was not going anywhere any time soon.

He almost couldn’t believe Aaron still thought Robert wouldn’t want this, even after all this time. Like the last nine months or so hadn’t been enough proof that Robert was absolutely madly and crazy in love with him.

Still, Robert could understand Aaron’s hesitation. He could understand Aaron’s reluctance to let his guard down again, to let him in. Maybe he had hurt him one too many times. But if this was it, if this was the last chance Robert would get to prove how much Aaron got in and under his skin, well, he wasn’t going to let it pass by without a fight.

He hovered over Aaron’s lips as he held his head in place. He was not in control; Aaron could push him away and create space between them within seconds, but the fact that Aaron was letting Robert touch him like this felt unbelievably important.

His thumbs rested on Aaron’s cheekbones, just below the bruises under his eyes from sleepless nights. He stared deep into the bright blue of Aaron’s eyes, savouring the sight, a smile spreading on his face.

“I want to be with you,” Robert whispered, his face only inches from Aaron’s. “I don’t want Chrissie, I want you.” He traced the shape of Aaron’s bottom lip with his thumb. “You are all I want. I must’ve been blind not to see that sooner.” Aaron smiled lightly at his wordplay, which made Robert smile in return. “I know you have every reason to doubt me, but I swear, that this is what I want.”

Robert’s eyes wavered over Aaron’s face, trying to read him. Aaron’s eyes were shimmering with an emotion Robert couldn’t quite place, but it nudged at his heart and made him smile even more. “I want to kiss you Aaron, okay?”

He had never asked for Aaron’s permission before, but he needed Aaron to know he was in control here, that he could just say the word and Robert would let him go. But Aaron made a growling sound deep in his throat like a warped sort of ‘yes’, and Robert stole that sound from him in a searing kiss.

He made quick work of Aaron’s t-shirt, pulling it over his head and revealing familiar skin. He let his fingers trail down Aaron’s chest, over the scars on his stomach and Aaron shivered lightly, but didn’t pull away. Robert pushed Aaron slightly backwards as he walked in the direction of Aaron’s bed.

Aaron gripped Robert’s hips, holding on for dear life, just as Robert pressed himself as close to Aaron as he could possibly get, as he pressed kiss after kiss to Aaron’s open and eager mouth until they fell backwards onto the bed. Aaron curled his fingers into the waist band of Robert’s trousers and tugged, as if Robert could possibly get any closer in this moment, plastered together as they were.

Aaron pulled at Robert’s shirt and slipped his hands underneath it, pressing his palms to the dimples of Robert’s back and Robert moaned into Aaron’s mouth by the feeling of Aaron’s hands on his bare skin.

In the quiet of the room Robert only heard the sound of their lips meshing together in a wet and swirly haze and the exhale of the breath that they had both held for so long. It was just them, skin to skin and no one in the world could make them stop.

Robert kissed his way down Aaron’s chest, starting on his shoulder and moving downwards. Aaron lay back and responded with soft groans and gasps as Robert nuzzled the indent of his collarbone, grazed his nipples with his teeth, licked and sucked his way down the line of Aaron’s stomach. By the time he made his way to Aaron’s trousers, Robert got a sense that Aaron wouldn’t go anywhere any time soon, stretched out and blissed out and Robert hadn’t even gone near his dick.

The sound of his name falling from Aaron’s lips brought him swinging back up so they were eye to eye. Aaron writhed against Robert, denim on denim and Aaron’s eyelashes fluttered, so Robert kissed him there too, lips pressing into the crease of his eyelids.

When he moved back, he could only stare at Aaron for a moment, the fire in Aaron’s blue eyes, taking Robert’s breath away. He kissed Aaron lightly on the lips, before he mumbled softly: “I remember everything about you. Even though I couldn’t see you, I would create images in my mind. I remember every touch, every word you’ve spoken to me the last couple of weeks. But of every memory I have of you, this is one I don't have. I’ve never been able to look at you when we did this, not when you were completely mine and I could be all yours. I want this memory. Right here, right now."

He paused, leaned forward and brushed his lips softly over Aaron’s and breathed into him: “And it’s one I plan on keeping forever.”

Aaron looked at him again, and Robert’s stomach swooped at his expression. Lips red and kissed, hair mussed, chest moving up and down faster than it normally would. But it were his eyes which were the most amazing, so open to Robert and reassuring him that it was okay, they would be okay, everything would be okay.

It made what he said next impossible to hold back, but that was okay because Robert didn’t even want to try.

“I love you, Aaron.” Robert bit his lip, put a hand on Aaron’s cheek and caressed his face. “I don’t care if you can’t say it back, I don’t care how many people are against it. I am so in love with you, Aaron,” he laughed, heart caught in his throat and he couldn’t tell if he was dying or just starting to live.

He moved back down to Aaron’s lips with every intention of tasting him again but stopped at Aaron’s expression, suddenly incredulous, practically angry.

“Are you insane?” Aaron asked hoarse, eyes narrowed.

“I- what?” Robert didn’t know if Aaron was being serious or facetious, because two seconds ago Aaron had been all but exploding with feeling and now Aaron was looking at him like he was crazy.

“You _are_ insane,” Aaron said, his eyes blazing with anger, his voice filled with hurt. “How can you say that, after all this time…”

“What? That you might not be able to say it back? Aaron, I don’t know what to think. You told me yourself you didn’t love me.” Robert kept his voice calm, ignoring the pang that came with his admission.

Aaron just stared at him, something glinting in his eyes and three seconds later he lifted his leg and knocked Robert to the side, who fell with his back on the bed. And then Aaron climbed over him. Robert scrabbled to sit upright but Aaron wrapped both hands around his wrists and pinned them to the bed.

Aaron _flattened_ Robert to the bed, there was no other word for it, Aaron hovering over him. Robert squirmed at the sensation as Aaron rocked his hips against him, Robert completely powerless beneath him.

“Now you listen to me, Robert,” Aaron’s tone was harsh, the expression in his eyes burning right into Robert’s soul. “And believe me when I tell you that you are an absolute muppet. How can you say that? How can you even _think_ that after everything?”

Robert didn’t want to have this conversation, the insecurity welling up in his chest as he looked up at Aaron. He wanted to get up, move away from Aaron, but he could do nothing more than twitch helplessly against the solid warmth of Aaron’s hands on his wrists. So he babbled instead.

“You said you didn’t love me.” Robert strained against Aaron’s vice grip on his wrists, wanting to get up, painful memories invading his mind, but Aaron didn’t let go. Robert had no other choice but to talk on, his voice filled with hurt and insecurity: “In that lodge, you said you didn’t love me.” It shouldn’t hurt, a long time had passed since Aaron had said it. But it did, it still hurt goddamn much and saying the words out loud brought back those feelings in full force.

“I said that because I was hurt and angry and a lot of other things. I told myself I shouldn’t love you, that I couldn’t love you.” Aaron looked down at him, vulnerable, and it occurred to Robert that Aaron tried to tell him something important, something that deep down he already knew.

“But that doesn’t mean for a second that I don’t love you back.”

He looked down at Robert while Robert could only stare at him, having waited so long to hear those words coming from Aaron’s lips again. Aaron smiled lightly, his eyes sparkling, before he leaned over to kiss Robert, tongue swirling and stealing Robert’s breath away.

Aaron pulled back and started to speak again: “You have no idea how hard it was to try and get over you. Everybody told me I should. But I just couldn’t. Not even after those moments in that lodge. Yes, I hated you for what you did to Paddy, to Katie, for lying to me so many times, but I never stopped loving you. You always had a way of getting under my skin. I knew I still loved you when I saw you in the hospital after the crash. But I couldn’t give in, not after everything that had happened. But you changed before my eyes. You lost everything when you lost your sight. But somehow because of that you became the person I had fallen in love with. It took me a long time to admit it and an even longer to let my guard down again, but I eventually let you in. And when Chrissie walked into that room, it just felt like I lost you all over again. I couldn’t bare that.” Aaron’s eyes glistened and a frown formed on his forehead.

Robert looked up at him, gaze softening. “I’m sorry Aaron, if I had told you sooner-”

Aaron shook his head softly to cut him off, his frown deepening. “It’s not your fault. We’ve just been hurt too many times, to risk it all like that. So if you are absolutely sure you want to give this a go, then I’m with you,” Aaron stated, serious.

Robert needed to get his hands on Aaron, he wanted to show how much it meant to him that Aaron said those things, felt those things. He wanted to say those things right back, again and again and again with his hands and body, but Aaron was having none of it and a strangled sound of frustration escaped Robert, at which Aaron smiled. “Of course I want to. I didn’t come running all this way for nothing, Aaron,” Robert said honestly, but in light frustration, because Aaron wouldn’t let him go.

Aaron just kept looking at him with that same expression on his face and Robert couldn’t do anything than babble on: “I’ve lost you so many times, more times than I can count. Then you looked at me in that room and you just walked out like I did something terribly wrong. I’d never felt so lost in my life.” The admission tightened Robert’s throat. Aaron’s grip on Robert’s wrists tightened, before he leaned in and kissed Robert’s lips lightly.

“And now you are here,” Aaron replied, staring at Robert again. “And I’m not-,” he sucked a mark into Robert’s neck, making Robert squirm: “-planning on letting you go again. You’re mine, Robert.” He bit the edge of Robert’s clavicle, teeth leaving small indentations and Robert yelped, jerked against Aaron until Aaron licked over the bite, sucking another small mark.

Mine. Like Robert hadn’t been Aaron’s from the very second Aaron had laid hands on him. Robert’s breathing was accelerated, as he said, slightly out of breath: “Yes.”

“No more Chrissie, you understand?” Aaron commented, but Robert knew Aaron needed the reassurance.

“Yes. It’s over between us. I want you, Aaron. Just you.”

Aaron smiled down at him, one of the most beautiful smiles Robert had ever seen. It was filled with love and reassurance. “Then I’m all yours, Robert,” Aaron answered honestly, before he moved his head to Robert’s neck, sucking a spot there. He twisted his hips and Robert thrusted up against him.

Aaron released Robert’s wrists with a sharp kiss that said ‘stay there’ and got up, went to close the door to his bedroom. “I hope you didn’t wake Diane up with your shouting,” Aaron said, amusement covering his voice. Robert rose from the bed to meet him halfway. “Shut up.”

Aaron smiled at him again, before he pulled Robert closer by his shirt. He kissed him hungrily, his tongue asking for a way in. He pulled at Robert’s shirt and Robert broke off the kiss to pull it over his head.

Aaron walked them back to the bed and they fall back on it again. Aaron licked his way into Robert’s mouth and Robert’s heart sprang to life when Aaron’s hands travelled over Robert’s bare skin, setting his whole body on fire. Aaron didn’t just touch his body, he touched his _heart_.

Every ounce of sensation burning in his body had Aaron’s fingerprints on it, and when Aaron moved back to look him in the eye, Robert knew that this was the singular most important moment of his entire life.

“I love you,” Aaron breathed into Robert’s mouth, following up with a kiss that seared, and crackled and burnt him from the inside out. “I love you so much, Robert.”

The way he said it set Robert’s senses ablaze and he lunged, kissed Aaron’s hot mouth. Tongues slick, mouths slicker and Robert wanted to weld them together so they couldn’t pull apart, not ever. His whole life he’d been lost and to suddenly be found was overwhelming, and he couldn’t even form a coherent thought.

He wanted all of Aaron, wanted his remarks and his scruffy beard and the scars on his stomach, wanted Aaron’s past, present and future all wrapped up for them to share together.

“Fuck,” Robert suddenly swore in frustration, wrenching his mouth away and respiring shortly around his words. “I need you to—Aaron.”

And it was like Aaron understood in an instant, and without a single pause or moment’s clarification he moved his hand downwards, letting Robert cling to him as he undid the button and zipper of Robert’s trousers. He wouldn’t let Robert separate from him, not that Robert would even let go himself, his hands caressing Aaron’s back.

Aaron kissed him one more time before moving to his neck again and down his chest. He kissed and licked at Robert’s chest, until Robert was a sweaty and babbling mess against the sheets. Only then did Aaron start to yank down his trousers and boxers.

Robert kicked aside his shoes and toed off his socks. “I need you, Aaron. Come on.” He wrapped his arm around Aaron and pulled him against him, which made Aaron stop pulling Robert’s trousers down, but Robert didn’t really care. He grinded his hips against Aaron’s and all Robert could feel in in that moment was heat. He moaned at the feeling.

“Eager, are we,” Aaron murmured back, biting Robert’s lower lip and tugged, licking over the swell of it when he let go. He looked down at him with hazy eyes filled with lust. “You’re gonna regret this in a week.”

“You’re gonna hate me in less.” Robert sucked at Aaron’s lower lip and it won him a spasm as Aaron grinded him further into the mattress. “We could be at each other’s throat tomorrow,” Robert continued.

“My mother will find out and kill you,” Aaron countered.

They stared at each other, before they both smiled at the same time.

“We’ll make it work,” Robert said convinced, before he licked a hot stripe up Aaron’s neck, scratched the back of Aaron’s head and Aaron groaned from deep in his throat, the sound intoxicating.

“Can we please stop talking,” Aaron panted against Robert’s ear. “Think we’ve got enough time to talk after, don’t you?”

Things got a little bit hurried after that, Aaron’s hands marking a trail down Robert’s legs and along the sensitive flesh of his thighs as he finally pulled off Robert’s trousers and boxers. Aaron straddled Robert and Robert fumbled for Aaron’s trousers. He could feel Aaron’s heat even through his clothing and it took him three tries to finally pull the zipper down, because Aaron had latched his mouth to one of Robert’s nipples and Robert started to get really, _really_ turned on.

He finally managed to undo the button on Aaron’s trousers, and Aaron shimmed down Robert’s body, sucking a well-rounded mark into Robert’s hip. Aaron’s mouth was a sin and a blessing all together, all saturated suction and teeth and tongue and lips. Robert suddenly remembered how those lips had felt like wrapped around his cock, sucking, cheeks hollowing, tongue laving at him, and the thought made him groan aloud.

Aaron pulled back and stood up to take off the rest of his own clothing, pulled his boxers off slowly, taking all the time in the world. The sight of Aaron’s hard cock slapping against his stomach with a wet sound made Robert’s eyelashes flutter and he inhaled sharply. He barely got to open his mouth to demand that Aaron came back over to him right this second when Aaron was on him, the two of them clawing and gripping at each other.

When Aaron’s cock dragged against Robert’s, hot and torturous and so fucking slick, Robert moaned, and Aaron buried his face in Robert’s neck.

“Gonna fuck you,” Aaron whispered for just Robert to hear. “Wanna fuck you. God, Robert.”

Aaron started to grind his hips against Robert’s, their cocks sliding against each other. He was already so turned on, Robert had to breathe in deeply and tried to focus on anything other than the sensation of Aaron’s dick against his, that slick friction, the pre-come on Aaron’s head mixing with his own, and it felt too much all at once. Robert would come too fast too soon and he didn’t want that. He needed Aaron, all of Aaron.

Thankfully Aaron knew Robert’s body well enough to know when Robert was close, so he stilled, lifted his hips up and hissed through his teeth when the head of his cock caught against Robert’s one more time.

“Need you.” Robert whispered, barely able to form coherent phrases beyond those words.

Aaron’s eyes darkened and he choked out: “Say it again.”

Robert didn’t think he could, but then Aaron’s fingers were wrapping around his cock, so hot and so tight, almost to the point of pain, slow on the down stroke and sliding up fast, rough and he gasped: “Need you, Aaron. Please.”

Aaron made another groan of assent, moved forward over Robert, reached for the night stand, yanked open the drawer and fumbled for something, and Robert took advantage of the moment to lean forward and suck on the velvety head of Aaron’s cock, smearing his lips with pre-come and Aaron shuddered over him, exhaled out a soft: “Fuck.” Robert licked over the slit, tasted that salt and slick and it mixed with the taste of Aaron’s mouth.

It was a slightly awkward angle and he couldn’t seem to suck down enough of Aaron to make this last, but it was just enough to drive Aaron crazy. He could spend hours doing this, watching Aaron biting his lip and losing control, he really could. But it had been so long and Robert was so turned on, he wanted Aaron right now.

Aaron moved back over Robert’s body and dug his fingers under Robert’s chin, tilting Robert’s head up. “God, that mouth of yours,” he growled, making Robert grin smugly. Then Aaron leaned in, licked his own pre-come off of Robert’s lips with a circling of his tongue and everything about the kiss was fast and dizzying and too much at once.

He was not even aware that Aaron had already covered his fingers with lube and had already positioned one at Robert’s entrance, until Aaron rubbed slowly over the skin and pushed in. There was a familiar stretch, the edge of a burn, but Robert didn’t mind, knowing it would feel good in a few moments. Aaron’s finger sank deeper into him until it was up to the third knuckle, crooking upwards, and when Aaron hit the sweet spot inside Robert, he struggled for air as his hips lifted straight off the mattress.

Aaron’s finger was wet and slick inside him, and Robert wanted more, told Aaron he did, moaned a strangled version of the words as Aaron’s finger twisted inside him. Aaron pushed in a second finger, biting the inside of Robert’s thigh, pain mixing with pleasure, sending a shivery twitch straight to Robert’s dick. And it was this, Aaron touching the inner most part of himself, his fingers inside of Robert, that Robert needed the most.

Aaron moved up to lean over Robert, possessive expression on his face mixed with awe and adoration as he spread Robert open. Hot flash of pleasure, Aaron pushing and prodding and rubbing over that bundle of nerves and it felt perfect, hotter than hell.

Robert had always closed his eyes for this part, sensation too much to bear to keep his eyes open, but he wanted to look at Aaron, hadn’t been able to for so long, felt like he had to look at Aaron or he might die. Aaron was looking at Robert like he wanted to devour him, sheen of sweat on his forehead, his lips kissable pink. The corded muscles of his arm shifted as he moved inside Robert, crooking his fingers. His other hand wandered, trailed along the bend of Robert’s leg to trace the curve of his flexed calves, his curled toes.

Aaron finally pushed a third finger into Robert, and _Christ_ it felt almost too much, but Aaron was not letting up and Robert didn’t even want him to.

Robert needed to _touch_ him, but Aaron was just out of reach and Robert could do nothing except thrust downward onto Aaron’s fingers, rolling his hips and blindly gripping the sheets. Aaron did this vicious twist of his wrist with all three fingers and Robert shot up, teetering dangerously close to the edge and he was moaning wantonly, unable to keep the sounds from pouring out of his mouth. But he could tell from the spark in Aaron’s eyes and the way Aaron licked his lips that Aaron loved it, loved every strangled noise that Robert made in the space between them, because he knew they were just for him to hear.

Robert was nearly crying with frustration, body strung taut from the width and sharp spread of Aaron’s slick fingers. “Aaron, just _do it_. Fuck me.”

Aaron’s eyes had this glaze over them, heady and pupils dilated, and Robert knew that neither of them was going to last much longer if they kept this up. They had waited long enough, Robert’s balls tightened dangerously as Aaron’s fingers stretched and pushed against him once more.

“Yeah, okay,” Aaron nodded shakily. He pulled out slowly as Robert shifted, almost pouting at the loss of pressure inside of him. Aaron put a condom on and slicked himself up and Robert watched Aaron’s glistening fingers wrapping around his cock. Aaron breathed deeply, keeping one hand on Robert’s hip.

Aaron bended over Robert, braced an arm on one side of Robert’s head and leaned forward, pressing against Robert. Bright eyes and wet lips, hair mussed and the defined muscles along the line of his body flexing, Robert was totally thrown by the sight of him.

He surged up and captured Aaron’s lips and rasped: “C’mon, Aaron. Want you.”

With a steady push, inch by inch, Aaron moved, and Robert’s brain stuttered out and rebooted.

It was so _tight_ , there was so much pressure inside of Robert he felt like his eyes could pop out of his head at any second. There was a burn too, unpleasant at first but they had practiced and worked up to this point and Robert was loose and relaxed and ready to take all of it. He was full, so full of Aaron.

Aaron shook with the effort of staying still when he was fully seated, muscles of his arms trembling on either side of Robert’s head as he watched Robert’s face for a sign. Robert breathed in and out, tried to cope with the sensation of having so much of one person inside of him.

Robert leaned upwards and captured Aaron’s lips with his own. They kissed, Robert gripped at Aaron’s shoulders, slid his hands along the expanse of Aaron’s back to dig into his ass, held Aaron close to him as he panted helplessly into Aaron’s mouth, open and searching for some base of gravity to cling to.

“I’ve got you,” Aaron breathed into him, bringing a hand up to trace the shape of Robert’s lips with his thumb. Robert nodded, sucking a dark spot into Aaron’s neck and curled his fingers in the curve of Aaron’s ass, urging him to move.

So Aaron pulled out slowly, and slammed home again.

Everything about the moment felt insane, absolutely insane and Robert was going to lose his fucking mind from the way Aaron looked, hips rolling and thrusting with a sharp snap. He was so incredibly turned on, he could only groan, drinking in the way the light hit Aaron’s tensed muscles, watched the way the muscles of his stomach played under his skin as he pounded into Robert, angling his hips just so, the hot head of his cock scraped against Robert’s sweet spot with almost every thrust.

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron’s shoulders, reached up to cup his face and angled upward to kiss him. Tongue diving in, sleek and incendiary and perfect, rough curl against Aaron’s own, relishing in the taste of warmth and sweat and Aaron that made him feel drunk. He canted his hips up toward Aaron, moving upward as much as Aaron was moving down, the sinuous line of their bodies joining and pulling apart.

His cock bounced against his belly, almost painful, painting his skin with pre-come. Aaron moved his hands to slot along Robert’s hip bones, where they gripped hard enough to bruise, nails making marks for later.

He fucked Robert, hips and torso a lithe movement and he pulled Robert’s hips up and off the mattress, the angle sending acute sparks straight to Robert’s dick. Robert kissed the sweat damp hair on Aaron’s head and Robert couldn’t breathe, the repeated sensation of Aaron hitting his sweet spot, the look of Aaron’s flushed and concentrated face, Aaron’s gasps and groans, sending him to another level.

Words left the intensity of the moment and even the sounds of their names shed.

This, right here, differed what words couldn’t accurately describe or express.

Robert couldn’t describe the way he loved Aaron in this moment, it sneaked up on him with each slam of Aaron’s cock, each thrust of his head against the deepest part of him, each fierce grip of Robert’s hipbones. He felt it rise in him, nearly stopping his breath and pulse and blurring his vision until all he saw was the glassy fire behind the blue of Aaron’s eyes.

He caressed his fingers along Aaron’s back, trailing them up and down his rib cage, memorizing each muscle curve in his shoulders, and re-memorizing each time the muscle shifted. He touched, and with each touch given he looked into Aaron’s eyes, opened up to Aaron and _loved_ Aaron, with every fibre of his being, with every brush and stroke of his fingertips.

And those touches, those caresses and grips and brushes, they were words. Robert drew unspoken words along Aaron’s skin, one desperate outline at a time as he mouthed along Aaron’s jaw, speechless and shaking with touching Aaron, touching him the way he wanted to touch him his entire life.

When he felt Aaron’s heart beating beneath his fingertips, breakneck pace, the crescendo finally rose and Robert wrapped himself around Aaron, kissed Aaron hot and fierce as his hips stuttered and he began to fall apart.

And Aaron, Aaron who knew Robert better than anyone in the world, Aaron who had looked after him, put up with him when he most needed someone and somehow let him back into his life, Aaron understood, red the signs and messages Robert had drawn on his skin and he reached between them, grabbing Robert’s cock and jerked slow, gentle, like it was Robert’s life he held in his hands at the moment, and, in a way, he kind of did.

Robert clenched around Aaron, the muscles of his back seizing as he locked down, the two of them embracing and holding tight as his orgasm crested and ripped through him, paralysed with pleasure and Aaron was not too long after, thrusting into Robert, one hand tangled in Robert’s hair and pulling Robert into him and the other fisting Robert’s cock.

They came together, Aaron licking into Robert’s mouth as he came inside of him. Robert’s body was a lightning rod of pressure and pleasure and cosmic thunderclap and Aaron was the current running inside of it. He choked on a sob, buried it into a kiss he sealed tight against Aaron’s lips, hands holding Aaron’s face to his and it was just them. Everything faded into meaningless background noise. In this moment it was only them.

In this moment it was all Robert needed.

Aaron would be the only thing Robert ever needed. And in this moment he had him and Robert wasn’t planning on letting him go, ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter to go!!!!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter! Enjoy!

Aaron couldn’t believe this was really happening, but it was. Robert was looking at him, _looking_ at him, the light back in his eyes, with that beautiful smile on his face. His eyes were twinkling, bluer than Aaron remembered. The warmth in his eyes, made Aaron’s heart miss a beat, made him even feel a little shy. He couldn’t help but smile back at him, which only made Robert smile back even more.

Aaron had never thought he could ever be this happy, never really knew what happiness felt like. But he knew that this was it, this was the feeling everyone always talked about. This warmth in his chest, which made his whole body buzz, made his head light, this was happiness.

Robert moved forwards, grabbing Aaron’s bathrobe in the process and brushed his lips against his, before he pulled back and looked into Aaron’s eyes again. They were sitting on the couch in the living room. Aaron had woken up with Robert’s lips pressed against his neck, licking and sucking on the skin there. It had only taken a moment for Aaron to cooperate.

Now they were sitting downstairs on the couch, both wearing pyjamas and bathrobes, just having showered, both having nowhere they needed to go.

“So…are you gonna tell me where you have been this whole time?” Robert asked, his eyes wavering over Aaron’s face.

“In London. Stayed with a friend,” Aaron answered, turning up a corner of his mouth by the suspicious look in Robert’s eyes.

“Just a friend?” Robert asked, trying to keep his voice neutral, but Aaron heard the insecurity in his voice, which made Aaron grin. Robert’s eyes narrowed when he noticed Aaron was laughing at him. Aaron grinned even wider, until Robert’s face fell completely and Aaron started to feel bad, so he said: “Yeah, just a friend.”

Robert smiled warm at him after his words, his eyes lighting up and butterflies sprang free in Aaron’s stomach by that look. Robert played with the fabric of Aaron’s bathrobe, his eyes looking down at his hands and back to Aaron’s face. “So what made you decide to come back?”

“My mum,” Aaron answered and Robert raised his eyebrows in surprise, the look in his eyes asking Aaron for a better explanation. “She told me, when I called her, you came by to see her,” Aaron continued.

Robert laughed at that, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Yeah. Yeah I did.”

“She said, you told her you loved me and that you practically swore you and Chrissie were over. I needed to know if that was really true. I was planning on coming around today to see if what you told my mom was true.”

“You were?” Robert asked incredulously.

Aaron smiled lightly by Robert’s tone. “Yeah, I was. Glad I don’t have to though.”

Robert just hummed, before laying his head down on the back of the couch, his face towards Aaron. It was like he didn’t want to look away from Aaron, his eyes resting on Aaron whenever they could. He knew Robert had spent such a long time in darkness, it must have been unbelievable to have his sight back. Aaron was undeniably happy he could see the light back in Robert’s eyes, knowing Robert could look at him again, to see all those emotions hiding in the depths of Robert’s eyes.

“I can’t believe you told my mom you love me,” Aaron teased, a laugh in his voice.

Robert groaned softly, closing his eyes for a moment. “Shut up.”

“She’s gonna be thrilled when she finds out we’re actually together, now she knows you love me,” Aaron continued, enjoying himself way too much.

Robert groaned again, moving a hand over his face. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?”

“Na,” Aaron teased. “This is way too much fun.”

Robert scowled at him and Aaron just laughed, before moving in, pressing his lips against Robert’s. “It’s a good thing I love you back though,” he muttered softly when he pulled back to look into Robert’s eyes. Robert was smiling again and said: “Yes, it is.” before he stole another kiss from Aaron, their noses brushing together.

“You want me to make you breakfast?” Robert asked a moment later.

“It’s a little late for breakfast, ain’t it,” Aaron stated, not exactly knowing how late it was, but knowing it must be way beyond noon.

“Lunch then,” Robert replied, grinning.

“Sure, why not,” Aaron said, smiling lightly. Robert smiled back at him, moved in and kissed Aaron again, lightly on the lips, before he got up and walked towards the kitchen.

Aaron followed Robert with his eyes, hadn’t been able to pull his eyes away from him, the moment he had woken up that morning. He still didn’t understand how he could be so lucky, never truly believed there would be a day he could call Robert his.

So much had happened between them and when Aaron had finally thought they had had a change, Chrissie had walked in. Robert had talked to her in such a happy, warm voice, smiling up at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world, it had made Aaron think Robert still loved Chrissie, because why else would he invite her over? There had been no other reason in Aaron’s head in that moment. He had just jumped to conclusions, because Robert had been so nervous when he had said they needed to talk about them. It had broken his heart all over again, the pain worse than he had ever felt before. He hadn’t been able to handle that, hadn’t been able to see the look in Robert’s eyes, looking at Chrissie like that. So the only solution he had seen right then was to leave. And that was what he had done. Robert’s voice calling his name over and over and his silhouette in the rear-view mirror when he had driven away, had haunted Aaron for several nights. It had made him doubt his decision to leave, but too hurt he had decided against going back every single time he had wanted to. Eventually Chas had told him Robert had come by to see her and had told him what he had said, reigniting the hope in his heart. He had promised himself then that he would see for himself, had needed to know for himself, so he could finally move on if it hadn’t been true.

But it had been and he’d never felt happier in his entire life.

Robert reappeared in sight again, putting two mugs on the dinner table. He noticed Aaron staring, because he winked at him, which made Aaron’s cheeks warm up, while he smiled at him. Robert grinned back, before he moved out of sight again.

Aaron smiled to himself, he could still hardly believe, Robert had seriously barged into his room last night, declaring he wanted to be with him, promising him he wasn’t going anywhere. Aaron had known Robert had been sincere, had meant every word. He knew Robert well enough to know Robert wasn’t planning on letting him go ever again. He had been shocked and angry at first, hurt because of what he had thought had happened between Robert and Chrissie. But he had known in minutes what he wanted, what he had wanted since the moment Robert had first kissed him on that lay-by. And now, he was sure Robert had really chosen him over Chrissie and they could finally be together. Aaron wasn’t planning on letting Robert go, ever. He wanted everything, all their fights, their bickering, the longing looks. He wanted to wake up next to Robert every morning, wanted to see his beautiful, twinkling eyes every day. He loved his warm smile, his golden blond hair, his long fingers, even loved the snarling tone in his voice when he was annoyed or insecure.

It would not all be good. Aaron knew there would be days he would hate Robert, would scowl at him, ignore him or be hurt by him. But he knew it would all be worth it. Aaron knew they would be able to make it work.

Aaron suddenly stood up, an idea popping up in his head, something he had had to do for a long time now. He moved to the TV and grabbed the DVD which was stacked underneath it.

“What are you doing?” he heard Robert ask. He looked up and saw Robert leaning against the counter, with two plates of food in his hands, looking at him.

“This is me, keeping the end of the deal we made when we first walked outside,” Aaron replied, putting the DVD in the DVD player, before moving back to the couch.

“I thought you already kept your end of the deal,” Robert replied, following him and putting the plates down on the coffee table.

“Na, I told you. That was just us having a beer,” Aaron answered lightly, remembering what he had said all those weeks ago.

“So what do you call this then?” Robert asked, his voice filled with amusement.

Aaron shrugged his shoulders lightly, before he answered: “I made you suffer by making you walk outside, this is me suffering through one of your terrible film choices.”

Robert chuckled softly, but said nothing while he moved back to the kitchen. Aaron put the film on play, leaning back against the couch, watching Robert pouring the coffee into the mugs on the table. He moved out of sight again, presumably to put the coffee pot back, before reappearing again. Robert picked the mugs up and walked towards him, reaching out his left hand so Aaron could take the mug from him. That was when Aaron noticed it.

“You’re not wearing your wedding ring,” Aaron stated, surprised, his eyebrows raised.

Robert looked down at his hand, at his bare ring finger, before he said: “No. I’m not.”

“But how? Since when?” Aaron asked incredulously, still not believing what he was seeing. Robert was still holding on to the coffee mug and Aaron took it from him without much thought, his eyes jumping between Robert’s face and his hand as Robert sat back down.

“Haven’t been wearing it since you left.”

Aaron was at a loss for words for a moment, before his lips turned into a smile, knowing what Robert’s words really meant, that he had really chosen him. For real.

Robert smiled back, nodding his head, as if he had read Aaron’s mind, knew what he had been thinking. Robert spoke on: “I talked to Chrissie and we agreed we will file for divorce as soon as we can. We also agreed I could still own half of the company, if I don’t make any claims for money or real-estate, during our divorce. I’ll be a silent partner from now on.”

Aaron bit his lip, not really sure what to think of the news. Of course he was thrilled Robert would divorce Chrissie, but he didn’t know what he had to do with the information that Robert would still have a connection to the Whites.

But Robert seemed to read his discomfort, because he touched Aaron’s face with his hand, so Aaron had to look at Robert. Robert’s voice was calm and soft when he spoke: “If you don’t like that thought, you can tell me and I can ask them to buy me out. Just know that you are stuck with me forever, Aaron Livesy, if you want to be or not.”

Aaron smiled lightly at Robert’s words, before he looked down at his hands, the insecurity still tightening his chest. He said softly: “If you sure you can let everything go...”

“Hey,” Robert said, his tone so warm and filled with love, it made Aaron look up. Robert moved in closer, his eyes focused on Aaron. “I am with you now. There is no chance I will ever go back to Chrissie. I don’t care about her or her money. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Aaron answered, returning Robert’s warm smile with one of his own. Aaron took a deep breath, before he said: “So you _are_ gonna find another job then?”

“Yeah, I will. It won’t be that difficult. I’m good in whatever I’ll do.” Aaron shook his head in amusement by the cockiness in Robert’s voice. He looked into Robert’s blue eyes, couldn’t help but cracking a smile, every time he saw the light back in them. He had missed it so much.

“As long as you are a silent partner, then it’s fine,” Aaron said both seriously and honestly. Robert’s face lit up after his words and Aaron knew he had done the right thing by assenting.

“I will never be anything else,” Robert replied honestly. He reached out his hand and lay it down on Aaron’s jaw. His voice was soft and filled with gratitude when he said: “Thank you.”

Aaron just nodded once, his eyes not wavering from Robert’s. He knew Robert needed this, needed his support as much as Aaron needed Robert’s. Aaron was the last one who was going to stand in the way of what Robert wanted. And maybe he had to learn how to trust Robert in this. He took a sip from his coffee and leaned back against the couch, focusing his attention on the film. Robert grabbed his own plate from the table and started eating. They ate their lunch and drank their coffee in comfortable silence.

Aaron was the one who broke it. “So, you wanna talk about therapy?” Aaron asked hesitantly, remembering Robert had had an appointment with a therapist when he had already left.

Robert sat up a little straighter, his eyes wavering over Aaron’s face for a moment, before he looked down at his empty plate. He put the plate on the table and he looked in the direction of the TV, where the film was still playing, before he said: “There’s not really anything to talk about.”

“You haven’t been?” Aaron asked, frowning his forehead, feeling like there was something Robert wasn’t telling him.

“Yeah, I’ve been. Victoria practically forced me the first time.” Aaron just kept on looking at Robert, giving Robert the time to talk. Robert sighed, his eyes wavering to Aaron, before he continued: “I felt uncomfortable at first, but it’s easier than I had thought, talking about everything that’s on my mind.”

“So you’ve still gone through with it even though you had your sight back,” Aaron stated, a bit surprised.

Robert nodded, looking down at his hands for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking back up at Aaron. “I wasn’t in a good place when you left, Aaron. It’s been a good thing Diane and Victoria were there, because I don’t know how I would’ve coped without them.” Robert’s voice wasn’t accusing, but Aaron could hear the hurt in his undertone.

It felt like something was stuck in Aaron’s throat after Robert’s words, never really considering what his absence would’ve done to Robert’s state of mind. Realizing in that moment where Robert must’ve been going through without him.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered softly, looking at Robert, swallowing uncomfortable.

“It’s okay. I’ll get there. I’m doing better now you’re here.” Robert smiled at him and Aaron knew his words were true. “So…,” Robert continued, his voice soft. “My therapist wants me to keep coming every two weeks. I’m talking about my past now.” Aaron knew Robert tried to keep the emotions out of his voice, but Aaron could hear the underlying pain, saw his hands were trembling lightly. “It’s quite revealing. She thinks I’ve got some unresolved issues with my past.” Robert looked up at Aaron, his eyes filled with hurt. “You know she’s right about that.”

Aaron nodded, without a word. Robert had told him a lot about his past, just as Aaron had told him about his. He noticed Robert swallowed loudly and Aaron realized it was still difficult for Robert to open up about what had happened in his past. He reached out his hand and grabbed Robert’s, to reassure him he wasn’t alone anymore. Robert smiled lightly at him, before he said: “She wants me to write letters to my dad, to tell him things I never got to tell him. It’s quite hard sometimes, you know, to put it into words, but it helps too.” Aaron noticed Robert took a shuddering intake of breath, before he continued: “Told him I forgave him for sending me away and that I don’t hate him.” Aaron noticed Robert was at the brink of tears, for confessing this to him, must bring all kind of emotions to the surface. Robert took another deep intake of breath, before he let his eyes rest on Aaron again and said softly: “I wrote to him about you too.”

“You did?” Aaron asked quite shocked.

“Yeah,” Robert admitted. “I wrote down how we met, everything that had happened between us. It made me realize where I have been putting you through all that time. And I promised myself I will never do anything to intentionally hurt you again. I cannot promise you I will completely change, but I will try to be better. For you.”

Aaron had no idea what he had to say to Robert’s words, was totally at a loss for words, so he showed his emotions the best way he could think off right now. He moved forwards, kissing Robert’s lips, laying all the love and affection he felt for Robert into that kiss, as his hand came to rest on Robert’s jaw, his fingertips brushing through Robert’s soft hair. Robert moaned into the kiss, grabbing Aaron’s bathrobe with his hand.

Aaron licked with his tongue over Robert’s lower lip and Robert opened his mouth willingly. Aaron realized he could do this all day now, was allowed to kiss Robert like this every second of every day. He was allowed to run his tongue along Robert’s teeth, let Robert’s tongue enter his mouth, taking his breath away, let his hand run through Robert’s hair, scraping his scalp lightly. Robert seemed to have the same thoughts, because he pulled Aaron just that bit closer, moaning softly.

Aaron was about to pull back and ask if it wasn’t a good idea to take it back upstairs, but they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They pulled back at the same moment. Aaron looked up to the place the sound had come from and Robert turned around to do the same.

Diane was standing in the doorway, a warm and all-knowing smile on her face, before she moved and walked towards the kitchen, meanwhile saying: “Don’t mind me.”

Aaron’s eyes wavered back to Robert and noticed he was already looking at him, smirking lightly, one eyebrow raised, presumably finding the whole situation highly amusing. In that moment he realized Robert really didn’t mind anyone seeing his affection towards him. Aaron shook his head, grinning back stupidly. Diane came back from the kitchen, stopped moving for a moment when she noticed two pair of eyes were focused on her. “It was about time you two got together,” she stated, her eyes sparkling warmly.

Robert and Aaron shared a look before they looked back at her, astonished.

Diane smiled smugly and said: “I’m not stupid.” Her eyes came to rest on Aaron for a moment. “You keep him in check, love.” Aaron smirked at her after her words, knowing what she meant. Diane’s eyes wavered back to Robert. “And if you’ll do anything to hurt him, you’ve got me to answer to.”

Robert huffed out a laugh. “Why am I the one you’re warning?” Robert’s question made Aaron chuckle softly, which earned him a dark glance from Robert.

“Because you don’t have the best record when it comes to relationships,” Diane said matter of factly.

“Gee, thanks,” Robert answered sarcastically, before he moved his eyes to Aaron, his eyes immediately softening. “Won’t be necessary though. Wasn’t planning on letting him go.” Robert winked at him again and Aaron felt a warmth spreading through his chest.

“Good,” Diane stated, her smile and the undertone in her voice indicating she believed him. “Just don’t forget what I said to you, Robert. About the noise.” Aaron frowned his forehead, wondering what she meant by that and looked at Robert, who was turning slightly red. Which only raised his suspicions. Diane talked on, which made Aaron pull his eyes away from Robert again. “Victoria, Andy and Adam are coming over tonight for tea, five o’clock, to celebrate Andy’s back today. You’ll be there too, Rob.”

It wasn’t even a question, but Robert answered anyway, sighing: “Fine.” Aaron suddenly realized Andy wouldn’t be too thrilled to find out they were together, after the affair reveal he hadn’t seen much of Andy. He knew it would be hard for Robert sitting at the same diner table as him, but he was convinced he would pull through. Besides he was convinced Diane, Victoria and Adam would make sure it wouldn’t spiral too much out of control between the two brothers. Maybe one day Andy would be able to forgive his brother for making Katie look crazy in front of her friends and husband. The secrets around Katie’s death, Aaron would take with him to his grave. He was convinced Robert had told him the truth when he had told him it had been an accident. A terrible accident, that much was true, but he would not lose Robert over it, however terrible that might sound. He loved Robert too much, to ever tell anybody the truth about what had truly happened and he would make sure Robert would never do something like it ever again.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Diane’s voice. “And you’ll eat with us, of course, Aaron,” Diane continued, her eyes now focused on him.

Aaron knew what it meant for her to invite him over for a family diner and Aaron couldn’t help but smile, before he nodded. Diane smiled and nodded back at him, before she walked back to the pub. “You boys behave,” she called over her shoulder.

Silence fell as they both stared at each other, both wondering what had just happened.

“So, did she just invite you to a family meal?” Robert finally said, his eyebrows raised in amusement.

“I think she did,” Aaron replied, not being able to stop himself from smirking lightly.

“So when are we gonna tell your mom?” Robert asked out of the blue.

Aaron could just stare at Robert for a moment, who was looking at him with a smug smile on his face, as if he knew what his words awoke inside of Aaron, knowing fully well, there was no turning back the moment they would tell his mother.

“I mean, I think my family is gonna know tonight, so we might as well tell your family too,” Robert continued when Aaron didn’t answer, Aaron still staring at him as if he hadn’t heard him right.

“You want to tell my mom,” Aaron asked incredulous. “You know she’s gonna kill ya when she finds out.”

“No, I don’t think she will,” Robert answered, which made Aaron raise his eyebrows in utter surprise, which was presumably an indication for Robert to talk on. “She promised me she would let me know if you’d call her again. She didn’t,” Robert pointed out. “But I think that was because she knew you would come home, to see me. Besides, she didn’t have to tell you what I told her, she could’ve just outright lied to you, but she didn’t. So I think we’re good.”

Aaron huffed softly, having to admit he never really thought about it that way, but realizing how true Robert’s words were. Maybe, eventually his mother really did just want to see him happy and was willing to let go of her grudges against this man, to do so. Aaron smiled lightly, a weight lifting of his shoulders, knowing that maybe his mother would be okay with him dating Robert after all.

Robert was looking intently at him, a smile on his face and said: “So what you say we tell her now?”

“You mean, right now?” Aaron asked incredulously.

“Yeah, well, not right now. After we put some clothes on,” Robert replied with amusement in his voice.

“Alright,” Aaron answered, before he remembered something, something he needed to know first. “So what was Diane talking about? Keeping the noise down?”

“O God,” Robert replied, suddenly embarrassed as the red colour returned to his cheeks. He moved his hands over his face as if to hide himself, before he moved them back down and looked at Aaron. “She heard us, when, well you know,” Robert said. He moved a bit closer as if he was going to tell Aaron something secretive. “After you came back from the hospital and we had sex, she heard us. And I’m quite sure she heard us yesterday too.”

Aaron grinned and said: “Well, that isn’t that embarrassing, is it.”

Robert groaned loudly. “Aaron, she is my stepmom, of course it’s embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having sex, Robert,” Aaron pointed out, amusement covering his voice.

Robert huffed out a laugh. “You’ll wait and see what your mother has to say when she hears us having sex.”

“She won’t,” Aaron replied, feeling the joy and happiness settle in his chest as he looked up at Robert incredulous face. “What?” Robert asked.

“There is no way I’m gonna have sex with ya when my mother is lying next door,” Aaron explained, trying to keep his voice neutral and his face serious.

“So it’s okay when it’s my stepmom, but when it’s your mother we can’t,” Robert countered, his face telling Aaron, he didn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yes,” Aaron answered. He knew he shouldn’t be messing with Robert, but it was way too much fun.

“Fine, then we won’t have sex at all, how about that,” Robert stated, suddenly annoyed.

“You wouldn’t be able to keep that promise,” Aaron replied calmly.

Robert huffed: “You’re the one who will come crawling back.”

“I don’t have to come crawling back,” Aaron replied, moving closer to Robert. He touched Robert’s face, grinning lightly as Robert’s eyes landed on his lips, before they moved back up to meet Aaron’s eyes, Robert’s own eyes already filled with lust. “We’re alone right now,” Aaron muttered softly, before he closed the gap between them and kissed Robert. He could feel Robert smile into the kiss, his hand coming to rest on the back of Aaron’s head, pulling him closer.

Aaron pulled back after a moment and grabbed Robert’s hand, standing up. Robert let him pull him up and they walked towards the hallway. “What about visiting your mom?” Robert asked, a playful glint in his eyes. Aaron pulled him closer, his hands coming to rest on Robert’s chest and whispered: “She can wait.” He pressed his lips against Robert’s again, gripping the fabric of Robert’s bathrobe in his hands. Robert moaned into the kiss, before he walked him backwards to the hallway, the door falling closed behind them.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, finished, done. I can't really believe it, but this story is really over. It has been a hell of a ride, hasn't it? 
> 
> Well, first of all I want to thank my Beta; @hayfieldmc. Marie, this story wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for you and wouldn't be as good without you :) Thank you so much for all the time you invested in this story! <3
> 
> Then I want to thank you, reader, for putting up with me, waiting (Im)patiently for updates, for leaving kudos, but above all for taking the time to read this story. You have no idea how strange it is to know people actually read this story. So thank you :)
> 
> I also wanted to thank everyone who has ever left a comment. It is so important to me to know what you all thought about this story and just know you are all loved for even taking the time for letting me know.
> 
> So don't worry, this won't be my last story in this fandom ;). I am already working on another idea, but it is still work in progress, so I won't know when I'll be uploading the first chapter. But I won't stop writing :D
> 
> If you've got any prompts you want me to write for you, you can send them to me, just leave it in a comment below or you can send me a message on my tumblr page and I'll see what I can do ;)
> 
> Link to my Tumblr page: http://wolkje25.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you could spare the time, please let me know what you think about this chapter/ story! :D


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